Not Ready
by Silea
Summary: Rachel couldn't believe it. Quinn was Lucy. Well, Lucy was Quinn really. The girl she had had a relationship with in the summer after the eighth grade was Quinn Fabray. The girl she had fallen in love with. The girl whose heart she had broken. Faberry, side Brittana. AU after 2x18.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright. I decided to try a Faberry. I wanted to try something different. In almost all the fic it's always Quinn who has hurt Rachel first and has to make up for it. After all it is canon. Still I wanted try for something different, so this time around it has been Rachel who hurt Quinn first. I really hope you like it.**

**So this is more or less canon until "Born This Way" from then on it goes AU.**

**Summary: Rachel couldn't believe it. Quinn was Lucy. Well, Lucy was Quinn really. The girl she had had a relationship with in the summer after the eighth grade was Quinn Fabray. The girl she had fallen in love with. The girl whose heart she had broken. There will be side Brittana.  
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**I don't own Glee.**

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><p><strong>Not Ready<br>**

Rachel couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe it even if she had seen the posters on the billboards in the hallways, with the photo of a face she had missed for years. It couldn't be, could it? It had to be a mistake, some sort of sick joke. A coincidence maybe. So, she had ignored the whispers in the hallways. The gossips mongers in their school had always had an extraordinary ability to make up farfetched stories.

But then Quinn had danced "Born This Way" with a t-shirt that said Lucy Caboosey.

When she had seen it the rush of emotions had hit Rachel hard enough to make her falter in the middle of a song. Unexpected tears had welled at the corner of her eyes, but she hadn't cried keeping on singing with her thoughts going a mile a minute.

Quinn was Lucy. Well, Lucy was Quinn really. The girl she had had a relationship with in the summer after the eighth grade was Quinn Fabray. The girl she had fallen in love with. Her first date, her first kiss, her first relationship.

That awareness had been enough to shake her to the core and twits her world upside down. The only thing Rachel was sure about right now was that they had to talk. She had to explain.

It was for this reason she found herself following the ex cheerleader in the parking lot after Quinn had swiftly left the auditorium at the end of the song. When the music had stopped the blonde had simply left the stage without really looking at anyone, slipping effortlessly between the hugging and laughing members of New Directions who were complementing each other for their performances.

Rachel hadn't been as quick at leaving the stage, so she was not even half way between the school and the ex-cheerleader when Quinn was almost at her car. Scared that the blonde would leave before she could reach her Rachel called out.

"Lucy!" The name came out before Rachel could really think about it. She froze on the spot, fearing she had already blown up her chance. Surely now Quinn would ignore her, climb in the car and leave. Powerless, she stood there begging silently in her own mind._"Please no, no, don't do it… please… don't leave… please… don't leave again…"_

It took what seemed a infinitely long instant to Rachel but Quinn stopped and turned to face her, still wearing her t-shirt. Rachel felt a shiver run on her back at seeing that name again.

For a moment they just stood there, facing each other.

Quinn didn't take a single step toward her, choosing to simply stand there, waiting calm and collected, every bit the Head Bitch in Charge. Then Rachel began to move again, now with a more sedate pace, suddenly unsure about the wisdom to confront Quinn without a plan, or at least having done a pro/con list. Because she had just realized that she would speak with Quinn and not Lucy and every single talk she had had with Quinn had ended badly one way or another. The blonde words just confirmed it.

"Don't call me that Rachel." Quinn had waited for her to be near enough to talk with her normal tone before speaking. "Lucy doesn't exists anymore. It's Quinn now."

The only thing Rachel noticed was how little emotion there was in the words. Like Quinn didn't care at all for the topic. And if two years ago Rachel'd have swore that this was the real Quinn now, after last year, she knew it was only a mask. So Rachel did what she did better, she pushed for a reaction. "Why Lucy doesn't exists anymore?"

The story she had heard Quinn gave to Lauren was true but Rachel knew it wasn't all the truth. When she had met Quinn she was still Lucy, and even if she had been bullied, cruelly so, the girl hadn't never spoke of revolutionizing herself like that. Change? Yes, it had been the plan all along. Revolutionizing herself? No. Something was missing. And Rachel had a sick feeling about what the missing part was.

"You broke her, Berry." Quinn bit out at last, after staring straight at her for a long moment. They both heard what she was really saying "…_you broke me…"_. Rachel dropped her gaze to her shoes, she just couldn't take the hurt she saw in the suddenly familiar hazel eyes. And like always when hurt Quinn lashed out. "I'm sure you are proud that in a single day you succeeded in what years of ridicule and bullying in middle school couldn't."

It didn't take a genius to figure out to what day Quinn was referring to. "The day I broke up with you." Rachel whispered at last, nervously wringing her hands, desperately hoping that the blonde would correct her but knowing she wouldn't. It was the single greatest regret Rachel had and she was still ashamed of her actions. She suspected she would always regret them. She had been young and stupid, but most of all heartless.

"Yes Berry." The blonde sneered, making her surname sound more like a slur than any of the old nicknames ever had. "When you told me I didn't sing well enough to be on a stage with you and that I just wasn't pretty enough to be at your arm on the red carpet. That I just wasn't good enough for when you fulfilled your dreams and thus it just _"couldn't work between us"_." Quinn laughed, but it was a bitter, bitter sound. Rachel flinched at hearing how much she had hurt the girl she had loved. "So it was just _better_ to end it immediately."

"I'm _so_ sorry Quinn…" Rachel began, tears beginning to choke her, but the blonde raised a hand effectively cutting her off.

"I don't care Berry." And with that Quinn turned, reached her car and left the parking lot, leaving a crying Rachel in her wake.

xxx

**Three Years Ago.**

Running was hard. No way around it. Maybe it was the reason she hadn't done it before. Still it was getting easier to make the daily two miles. Sure she still breathed hard at the end and her legs hurt but Lucy knew she was getting better, more fit and losing weight at a steady pace.

It was all she cared about.

She was training hard to get fit enough to really do ballet. It was the first step of the plan to change herself and finally have a chance to make friends at her new school. Her father's promotion and reassignment was an unexpected gift. High school could and would be her new start.

So being in a desert park Saturday morning bent in half with her hands on her knees desperately trying to breath wasn't as hard as it could be, on the contrary, it made her smile.

It took a while for her heartbeat to calm enough to get down to a dull roar in her hears. It was only then she heard someone sing.

"_Weird."_ Lucy thought. After a moment she recognized the song. It was Defying Gravity from Wicked. Not something one sings by chance. _"And it gets stranger and stranger."_ Now curious, she followed the voice, after all she had thought she had been the only one idiot enough to be out in a park this early on the weekend.

It didn't take long to find the singer and then Lucy had been surprised once again. The girl who was singing on the other side of the little square in the trail had to be her same age or close to it. Not only she was young, she was little. Like really little, minute even. Entranced Lucy stood there just listening until the song came to an end.

Lucy's first instinct was turning and leaving, but she stopped herself. She sternly reminded herself she was trying to change and be more friendly and sure of herself. So she sucked in a breath, took another step and spoke. "You sing beautifully."

The other girl startled at her voice and turned on herself alarmed but calmed immediately when she took her in. apparently Lucy wasn't the only one to think she was alone in the park. "Oh, thanks, it's a while that I'm working on this song."

Lucy knew she wasn't exactly a fear inducing presence, not with her eyeglass and slightly baggy clothes. More than baggy they were ill fitting. Apparently losing weight did that to your wardrobe. Still, she smiled trying to look more friendly. "Well, you make a really good Elphaba."

And just like that the little singer smiled back at her a wide friendly smile, like those Lucy often did see on others but had never been given to her. "It's so nice to meet someone else who knows music other than pop. So, do you have seen Wicked?"

"No, but I've heard the CD." Feeling that the conversation was going well, Lucy closed the space between them and stuck her hand out, introducing herself somewhat awkwardly. "I'm Lucy."

"It's a pleasure to know you. I'm Rachel. There aren't many people here whom can tell the difference between singing and wailing." The other brunette replied shaking her hand with a slight smile. "I'm sorry if I presume too much but it's the first time I see you, and Lima isn't that big, did you just relocate here?"

"Almost." Lucy said smiling, having relaxed a bit. This meeting new people wasn't so hard after all.

"Almost?"

"Yeah, my father is already here to work, my mom and I join him for the weekends so I can finish the school year at my old school before relocating here."

"It seems a sensible idea." Just then Rachel saw the time on her watch. "I'm sorry to end this conversation so prematurely but it's getting late and I have to go. It been a pleasure to meet you Lucy. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Same here, bye Rachel." Maybe Lima would work out Lucy realized. It certainly seemed as if the kids around here were friendlier than the ones at home.

xxx

"I saw Lucy today."

This opening was enough to make her fathers stop eating dinner. They knew everything about Lucy and her. The both of them had been tremendously happy she had made a friend at last, and after a little skepticism at the beginning of their romantic relationship, they had supported them whole heartedly.

"How is she?" Ventured at last Hiram in the shocked silence. They had always really liked Lucy, loved her like a second daughter, and had been brokenhearted when they had lost all contacts with the girl.

"It's complicated…" Rachel cringed at her choice of words when all three of them flashed back to the day she had finally told them what had happened to make Lucy disappear from their lives like she had never existed. Like then the strange silence was broken by Leroy the one who usually took the lead on hard topics. His tone was cautious, like he really hoped it would be good news whilst fortifying himself for bad ones. Rachel didn't know if it was intentional or not but the words he used were the same as three years before.

"Complicated how?"

Rachel couldn't help a shudder at the onslaught of memories. She doubted she would ever forget that night, when she had finally realized just what she had done and what she had lost. She had cried so long she had believed she would cry for the rest of her life.

Rachel hadn't told her parents about the break up right away. For something like a week she had just moped around the house, suddenly disinterested in just about everything. She had been feeling sad and had realized soon enough just how much she missed Lucy.

Worried her dads had finally sat her down to talk it out. It hadn't been pretty. And Rachel couldn't quite erase from her mind the disappointed and sad look on her dad's face when she had finally told him exactly why Lucy didn't came around anymore. Why she had broken up with her and how she had done it.

"Complicated enough that I didn't even recognize her… complicated enough that she is another person now."

"That doesn't make any sense honey. Sure she'll be different… but she can't be another person…"

"It can. Now Lucy is a blonde slender girl who goes by the name of Quinn."

It didn't took any time at all to her fathers to make two plus two and get four. This time it was Hiram who spoke his voice rising to almost a scream.

"That Quinn? The bane of your existence Quinn? The blonde bitch head cheerleader?"

Rachel almost laughed at the description. Her daddy was the one in the house that didn't ever curse. But it wasn't really that funny now.

"Yeah. That's the one."

"And now?" Leroy asked.

"I don't really know. I tried to apologize… she said she didn't wanted to hear it."

"It's not surprising. You crushed her Rachel…" Leroy saw her daughter flinch at this, but there wasn't really a softer way to describe what had happened. What she had done, intentionally or not. "…just because you were scared of your own feelings."

"I know."

"I know you know Rachel. And I'm proud of how you took an hard look at yourself and changed for the better after that mistake. You grew up in a beautiful and caring girl." Leroy reassured her with a proud smile. "Now tell us what happened, how did you find out?"

Telling the entire story took a while. Enough time for Leroy to make coffee and for the three of them to finish it. At the end Rachel felt tired and disheartened.

"What I do now?"

"I don't know baby girl, but this time you have to be sure that whatever you do it's really what you want. And you have to think long and hard about what happened three years ago even if you don't want to. You remember what you felt after the break up. And you made that choice. For the wrong reasons sure, but you made it. Image what Lucy felt." Leroy paused for a moment gathering their empty cups and giving his daughter time to really think about what he had said. "And call her Quinn Rachel, it's her choice, you have to respect it."

Rachel only nodded. She had a lot of thinking to do. She had fucked up her life and Lucy's once because she had been careless. She wouldn't do it again.

xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews.**

**ObsessedTuesday and "anonymous"(?) : I'm Italian, so it doesn't surprise me the wording is a bit weird sometime or that I didn't catch all the grammar mistakes (even if I tried… I'm thinking about getting a beta reader). Feel free to point out to me anything you find weird or wrong.**

**As for the time frame. If it's not specified the story it's set in the present.**

**I don't own Glee.**

**Note: I just edited the second scene in this chapter, to answer a reviewer's question about Quinn surname (just my luck that it wasn't a common surname…)**

**AU note: Quinn doesn't have any sibling in this story.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong> 

She felt free, for the first time in years Quinn felt free.

It was exhilarating. She felt so damned good she could break out and sing a song here in the hallway. She settled for a smile, a true smile.

They all knew about Lucy and the world didn't end. It was strange. She had spent years being scared that her secret would come out and ruin her life. Now it had happened and she still was there. No catastrophic consequences. It was only the day after and no one really cared anymore.

So, for the first time in years Quinn truly felt free. The last of her shameful secrets was out and she was still the most probable next prom queen, the quarterback was still dating her, everybody still respected or feared her.

Quinn knew it was stupid to feel free only now that whole Lucy thing had come out. She was sure a normal person should have felt this way when, after the pregnancy, her life had come back together, more or less. Maybe when her mom had wanted her back or maybe after that, when she had got back all she had lost, starting with being the head cheerleader and ending with the quarterback. Not now.

Still, it did make some sort of sense because in the last day Quinn had realized that after the pregnancy she had felt unworthy and unwanted like her heartbroken thirteen years old self and had acted in the exact same way. They hadn't wanted you because you weren't good enough? You work twice as hard to be the best, to be perfect. So she had shoved the sadness, the hurt and the regret regarding her sophomore year in a corner of her mind, and dusted off her old dreams of perfection: being the head cheerleader, dating the quarterback and be the prom queen.

But this time around it hadn't worked as well, after all Quinn had chosen to make those things happen even if she already knew they wouldn't really make her happy. Content maybe, but not happy. They hadn't even made her happy the first time around before it all crumbled around her and then she had truly believed they would make her happy.

Quinn was sure the cracks in the mask had showed along the way. It had to be obvious that even her didn't believe in it anymore, that it was just a charade. She hadn't really wanted it, it was simply what everyone else had expected from her.

So now she was back to the drawing board without really a dream or a plan on how being happy. But it didn't matter anymore. She felt free and maybe the third time really was a charm.

Humming to herself Quinn made her way to her locker, ready for a new day. Maybe a new life if she played her cards right.

xxx

Glee was going as always. Mr Schuester had at best a tenuous control on what was happening in the choir room even while he was busy to pretend otherwise.

"I really like how Born This Way turned out. You really gave it all to the song and it showed. I think it helped several of us to came to terms with something we didn't really like about us."

There was a series of nod and groans. Sure they had sang and danced out their problems, but now, the day after more than one of them felt vulnerable about it or didn't really want to explore the topic any more that they had already done. It was time to close the subject, even forget it.

Quinn surely felt that way, no matter the peace she had made with "Lucy" yesterday. And given the faces of Santana, Lauren and Sam she wasn't the only one. So she spoke up in a complete deadpan tone.

"Yeah, we did it and we can merrily go on with our lives now that we are better people than we were yesterday. So what's your fantastic new idea?"

"Yeah, Mr Shue, we feel so grown up inside that we are like… _dying _to know what's next challenge that we'll make us mature even more…"

Sarcastic really didn't do justice to Santana's tone. Getting the general mood of the room Will decided to let it drop. Apparently they weren't ready to explore their issues more deeply. "I was thinking of doing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful". Maybe we can try it out and see the kind of solo we can get out of it. So who wants it?"

Like Will suspected it was all it took for the divas of the club to argue. _"They are really getting too competitive… maybe I have to make a special assignment collaboration and team spirit… mmm…"_ He watched the scene unfold not really sure of what to do.

"My voice would be perfect for that song."

"Maybe Mercedes, but I could really make it live."

"Sure Kurt, but still my voice is more suitable for it, and you know it…"

Rachel let the others go on without cutting in. For once she didn't want the solo. Sure she could sing Beautiful better but she was busy trying to wrap her mind around what had happened yesterday and deciding just what she should do about Lucy. _"No Lucy… not anymore… Quinn…"_ she corrected herself. And figure this out was more important than a song.

Rachel still regretted that three years ago it had took her another week after her talk with her dads to gather enough courage to contact Lucy again. Only to find out it was too late. Lucy had apparently dropped off the radar like she had never existed at all, her house had been empty and her phone turned off. After a while Rachel had begun to make some sort of peace with herself and tried to move on, swearing to herself she would never hurt another like she had Lucy. It was one of the reasons she was so forgiving. _"It's the reason I offered my friendship and help to Quinn even after what she has done to me."_ She snorted to herself at the irony. _"and now I know why Quinn never accepted the offer."_

It was only when she felt the entire glee club look at her that Rachel realized her silence hadn't gone unnoticed. And she really didn't want any of them to think there was something wrong with her. If they thought there was something wrong with her some of them would begin to ask questions and she had no intention to speak about this matter. So she played her usual role, the diva. And being who she was it didn't even take any effort.

"Well, sure, Mercedes would be good at it, but I would be better, because my voice is more powerful than hers."

Everybody sat back and sighed or groaned at this. But Rachel could see that the questioning faces were gone. _"Good."_ The only one who didn't really pay any attention to the exchange was Quinn, apparently lost in her own thoughts. _"She has done that often lately…_ _maybe she is thinking about… not now Rachel, first I have to lose this solo."_

"Bullshit, I'd totally do it better."

At the moment Mercedes' need to always be in the spotlight was something Rachel thanked goodness for. It really didn't take much to work her up about something and that assured she would fight for it. _"Another comment should be enough…"_

"I don't think so…"

"She would Rachel, no offence. But I'd do it better still…"

"None taken Kurt, but I think you both are wrong…"

"Come on guys don't argue, we are a team remember?" At Will's words everyone rolled their eyes but they still shut up. "So, Mercedes will sing it because she was the first to ask. You ok with that, Kurt?"

"Sure." It was clear he didn't mean it. Will just nodded ignoring his tone.

"You Rachel?"

"Sure."

Rachel waited a moment more but nobody seemed to realize she hadn't really fought for the solo. _"Good."_ She waited for the attention to shift to the disagreement between Mr Shue and Mercedes on just how to do this song. The last to turn away was Finn, who shot her a sympathetic smile. She noticed it and half smiled back at him to acknowledge his support, feeling good at his obvious interest in her well being. Then she turned her thoughts and eyes back to Quinn only to meet the blonde's hazel ones.

Realizing that Quinn had just witnessed the exchange between her boyfriend and her, Rachel froze, waiting for the usual heated glare. All she got was an impassible face and a raised eyebrow that underlined the exchange more than questioned it. Not really understanding what it was about Rachel tried to shot a small smile to the blonde but Quinn simply turned away ignoring her.

The clear dismissal made all her happiness disappear.

Rachel spent the rest of glee time looking at Quinn's profile, deep in thought, trying to make sense of the whole situation. There were several things that still baffled Rachel. How she had not realized Quinn was Lucy for example.

Sure, when she had seen her for the first time in high school Quinn had been blonde, with a new nose, no eyeglass and not a once of fat on her. Maybe she had even grown an inch in the time they hadn't seen each other. But Quinn hadn't changed all that much and Rachel had always found ridiculous how in the movies nobody recognize the superhero when he wasn't in costume.

"_I'd have recognized her if she'd have changed only her appearance." _But there had to be something else because Fabray wasn't a common surname and she hadn't made two plus two.

Rachel remembered exactly when, almost at the end of that first semester of high school, she had learned that Quinn shared her surname with her ex girlfriend. She remembered how she hadn't ever questioned the thing, because she had been sure it was just a fluke. An ironic fluke that the girl she loved and the cruel head cheerleader who liked to torment her shared the same surname.

Because, when she had found out, it had been sufficient recalling all the times Quinn Fabray throwing a slushy cup at a some poor loser and laugh at them, at _her_, for Rachel to be sure the two of them hadn't anything in common. Lucy wouldn't ever throw a slushy cup on some poor freshman.

Rachel still remembered the instantaneous, irrational, hope she had felt when she had heard someone call out "Fabray" in the hallway. Her head had shoot up searching and when she had realized they were speaking to the new head cheerleader Rachel had squashed the hope and thought bitterly that _"Lucy isn't back"_. Knowing that Lucy hadn't any siblings nor family in this town had been all she had needed to definitely dismiss the thought that they could be related.

But she had been wrong. So wrong.

It was when Quinn stood up and walked at the center of the room to explain something about the choreography to both Mercedes and Mr. Shue, that Rachel realized what had really fooled her in believing that Quinn wasn't Lucy, actions and appearances aside._"Her body language." _

Quinn moved differently than Lucy, she moved like she owned the room. She was posed and confident. Elegant. Always in control. You looked at her and could feel her quiet authority. Rachel knew she had show presence, but Quinn, well Quinn had real life presence. And the brunette couldn't help but find it much more appealing now that she knew Quinn was Lucy.

xxx

**Three years ago.**

Lucy was surprised when they really met again the next Saturday. She had thought the promise to see each other again was just a normal pleasantry. One of the things one says because it's polite, not because you really believe it'll happen.

Instead here they were, Rachel singing in the little plaza and her painting to catch her breath at the end of her run. Maybe they had met again because Lima was really that little, or maybe because both of them were creatures of habit and neither had really felt the need to change their routine.

Lucy waited for the end of the song before speaking, just like last week.

"Hey, Rachel."

"Oh, hello there Lucy." The brunette's smile could light up a room. Seeing the obvious pleasure on her face Lucy felt reassured that last week hadn't been just a fluke. "How was your run?"

"Good thanks, even if I fell jelly instead of legs right now." Lucy added in a self-deprecating way. "Beautiful song by the way, but I'm sorry to say I don't know it."

"What? It's _don't rain on my parade_." Rachel seemed really shocked, but at Lucy's confused look, she added huffing. "It's from Funny Girl, my favorite musical."

"I never saw it." Lucy admitted blushing, beginning to get afraid that she had fucked this up given Rachel's strong reaction to the topic.

"Well, then you have to. It's absolutely fantastic."

Seeing Rachel smiling assuaged Lucy's fears that she had somehow offended her. "I'll find a way to see this masterpiece." She promised, even if she didn't like musicals all that much.

"Yeah, you do that, it's so worth it."

"Do you mind if we walk for a bit? My legs are beginning to cramp…"

"Naturally, you should have said it earlier, you know? It's important to look after your own health… " Lucy just shrugged so Rachel let it go. Everyone always said she was too intense and she really didn't want to upset this new girl. The little singer liked to have someone her own age to talk with. "So how are you finding Lima?"

Lucy thought about it a bit before saying anything.

"Refreshing." _"Because nobody makes fun of me here and maybe I can even have a friend… me, a _friend_…"_ Lucy looked up at Rachel and smiled a bit at her surprised look. _"Nobody wants to be friends with a loser…" _The thought alone was almost enough to sour her mood. It was then that Lucy made a promise to herself. One she couldn't image the consequences of._ "… this time around I won't be one… no matter what it takes… I'm not wasting my second chance."_

"You don't find it _little_?"

"It can be both, don't you think?" She shot back because nobody in their right mind could dispute that of Lima.

Rachel laughed at this and they fell in a comfortable silence just walking around the park.

"You run on Sunday too?"

"Well, more like walk after church, just before lunch, you sing?"

"Not outdoor, I do that only on Saturday, it's part of my training regime." Lucy tried to hide her disappointment but failed miserly. Warmed that someone enjoyed her company Rachel quickly went on. "But a walk in the park before lunch doesn't sound bad."

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" Lucy asked to be sure. "I should be here for eleven…"

"Sure." Rachel agreed smiling. Lucy smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

It hadn't took long to Quinn to understand what she wanted. She wanted out of Lima. And with acknowledging it had come the realization she had wanted it all along, no matter whatever else she told to herself and the others. And with a clear goal she had started to plan. It was the reason she stood in Coach Sylvester's office.

"I don't have time for you Preggo. I only have time for my Cheerios."

Coach Sylvester greeting was warm as usual, she didn't even raise her head from what Quinn knew was her journal. But this coldness was the standard operative procedure for Sue when dealing with a Cheerios who disappointed her, so all it did was make Quinn feel more comfortable.

"Much more time now that you have lost Regionals and you don't have to train for Nationals." Quinn smirked, sitting without waiting for a permission she knew wouldn't come. She had know of Cheerios who hadn't sat down a single time in all their high school career, because they hadn't figured out this particular quirk of the Coach. "Making things difficult for Mr Schuester was worth losing? Because we both know that second place is only a nice way to say first loser. And we both know the reason you lost was the absence of the unholy trinity."

"You aren't here to quote my drill-sergeant back to me." This time the Coach raised her head from the journal but didn't put down her pen. In Sue speak it meant _you got my attention but not for long_. "So what do you want?"

Quinn kept it simple and straight. "We three back in squad and your word you won't make it impossible for us to be in Glee club. You need us to win nationals."

"I could train three other cheerleaders to take your place for next year."

"The chance of you getting someone who can dance like B, do gymnastics like me and keep the squad in line like S are few." After years Quinn could see the tell tale quiver of lips that meant that the Coach almost smirked. _"Good."_ So she went on. "But I was talking more about this year."

Sue still didn't say anything but put her pen down.

"Cheerios come second in Regionals." Quinn began in a quiet reasonable tone, now that she had really gained the attention of the Coach. "If something could disqualify the team that took first place the Cheerios would go to Nationals. And if it happens we both know you just happen to have the money for the trip, even if the Cheerios' budget has been cut down. After all you have hidden the Glee Club's founds."

"Don't you think I'd already done it if I could?" Sue challenged.

"You wouldn't have, because with a squad that made second place to Regionals one doesn't win Nationals. And you prefer to sit this one out then lose in front of the whole nation. That said? All you need to win are your three best cheerleaders back. You know that with the Unholy Trinity back you have the title in your hands."

Sue only smirked. "So what do you get out if it? Popularity?"

"I don't need cheerios for that. I'm the favorite to prom queen's title without even being a cheerleader." Quinn smirked back

"So Q, tell me _exactly_ why you need the Cheerios. You know I don't believe in doing something without a reason and I don't buy that stupid ideas about goodness of heart and fairytales…"

The Coach asked her, pinning her with a intense gaze. And for the first time Quinn thought that Sue had already known she would do this and why. That the Coach hadn't tried to lure them back in the squad only because she knew they'd be back in their own time for their own reasons.

It seemed that the Coach had been a step ahead of her all along. Quinn felt angry knowing that she had played right in Sylvester plans. But it was still her best chance, and the thing more convenient to her.

"We both know why I want this." But Sue's probing gaze didn't change. Apparently Quinn would have to spell it out. "I want out of Lima and to do that I need to get a scholarship. And scholarships are given to the winners."

It wasn't strictly true but as a rule the talent scouts followed more the winning teams then the others. If you were on a winning team your chance to get a scholarship went up. Because they could see more of you, see how you reacted to pressure, how you worked with people as good as you.

"You could get one with that _Glee Club_." Sue needled her with a knowing smirk. Like she knew it would never happen.

"Maybe." Quinn didn't agree but couldn't even really disagree with the Coach. It hadn't taken that long for the ex head cheerleader to realize that at this time last year the Cheerios were already working on their routine for the Nationals. On the other hand in Glee Club they hadn't even talked about Nationals yet, they hadn't chosen the songs yet, let alone try them. And the finals for the cheerleaders championship were after those for Glee clubs. "Mr Schuester wants to win." And that was true. "But if he lose, it doesn't matter, he has participated. You _need _to win. And I too."

Sue's satisfied smile was all the confirmation Quinn needed to know she was right.

"I still need to go and torture some random students today… just to make them fear me a bit more… I'm thinking to make some fat kid cry today…" Quinn ignored the non sequitur long used to the Coach's quirks. "So back to business… I get you three back in squad, but no more making you choose between Cheerios and Glee. Do you understand that with a deal like this I can still make Glee Club life an hell?"

"You don't touch us or the ones we are fond of, and I don't care."

"Clever caveat Q. Very clever." Sue complimented her nodding approvingly. "I knew there was a reason I liked you… so, who are those off limits?"

And with that Quinn knew she had done it, she was once again the head cheerleader. So she smiled too leaning back in the chair. "For now? Jones."

"Chocolate? Alright. Done. What other sheep are yours? Finnoncence?"

"No Finn. Just Jones for now."

Quinn decided to just ignore the fact that Coach Sylvester didn't seem surprised.

**XXX **

The notes of Sauce's Barbra Streisand told Kurt it was Rachel before he answered. He reached blindly for the phone resting on his bedside table, not quite ready to open his eyes. He hadn't been exactly sleeping but Rachel's words after his mumbled greeting sure woke him up.

"I need someone to talk to Kurt." After her talk with her fathers Rachel had quickly realized she needed someone else to talk to about her confusing feelings for Lucy, no, Quinn, someone who could help her to make sense of the whole situation. "And it needs to remain between us."

Her subdued tone was enough to tell Kurt this phone call wouldn't be about gossip or small talk but about serious matters. So he put aside his usual cheerful and sometimes superficial attitude choosing to show his serious side. "You heard me out with the whole Blaine thing, so sure. I'll bring it to my grave. What do you need to talk about?"

Her next words confused him.

"You remember when I told you that I had nothing about gays? Because it would be hypocritical of me?"

"Sure. If I remember right it was when you were yelling at me for the Finn thing." Kurt had to admit he wasn't proud of what he had done last year. He had been an idiot and he knew it.

"You thought I was referring to my dads, didn't you?"

"Yeah…" And it got curious and curious. "It wasn't so?"

"No Kurt." There was a long silence but the boy could hear Rachel's breathing, so he waited patiently for his friend to find the words. Whatever it was sounded big. "Before high school I had a girlfriend…" The surprise made Kurt shot up on his bed. "We were in love... I've never been happier than in those months…" There was a deep longing in the words.

This time it was Kurt who fell silent, shocked at the news. _"Maybe I have to fine tune my gaydar…"_ he mused trying to make sense of this revelation. "Alright. I won't ask you for the particulars… this time at least… because you sure don't sound like someone who want to reminiscence good times… you sound like someone with a dilemma, so? What happened?"

But Rachel didn't answer his question, not directly. "I still miss her you know?"

"If you really loved her it's normal Rachel." Kurt said softly, responding to the distress in his friend's voice.

"I want to tell her about my good days and my bad ones. She used to hug me on hard days, you know? She would tell me it'd be alright because I was good enough to succeed. That those who made fun of me were the weak ones, the ones without dreams. And that I was stronger than their jealously, you know?"

"She sounds perfect Rachel. How did you break up?"

And for the second time that night Rachel's answer shocked him.

"I broke her heart. Told her I didn't want to be with her anymore."

"Why?"

"I was scared Kurt."

"Of being gay?" He offered. For a time he too had been. After all it wasn't simple. But it wasn't a choice either.

"Of her meaning more to me than Broadway."

Kurt shifted the phone to look at it incredulous not quite believing what he had heard. He gingerly put it back to his ear. "You're kidding right?"

"No."

Without even realizing it Kurt found himself pacing angrily the length of his bedroom. "You have to be the dumbest person ever alive. You're a fucking idiot!" He took a breath reining in the irritation, hearing Rachel's distressed sobs through the phone. His friend hadn't called him to be rebuked but he felt more like throttling Rachel than helping her right now. "You broke up with her for Broadway? For something that maybe would happen to you at the earliest four years later? It doesn't make any sense, Rachel! What the hell were you smoking?"

There wasn't an answer, but Kurt didn't really expect one. He sat back down on his bed listening to Rachel cry for several minutes before asking the real question. It calmed him down, because it was clear that Rachel truly regretted what she had done. "Why are you telling me now?" Kurt could hear her blowing her nose and sniffling.

"I met her again." Rachel said in a whisper her voice muffled by what had to be a pillow.

"And you don't know what to do?" He asked trying to understand why she had called.

"I know what I want. I want to go back to three years ago and don't be so damn stupid." Rachel's resolve was back and Kurt couldn't help a smile at hearing it. "I want my best friend back. I want _us_ back. I want to talk with her, laugh with her, dream with her… I just want it all back…"

"So? What's stopping you?"

He heard a sigh. "She is so different that I didn't even recognize her until I heard her name, Kurt."

"You're talking about physical differences Rachel. Those don't matter, not really."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure she hasn't changed inside too… no, I know she has changed… I'm not sure I really like her anymore…" Because if Rachel had to be honest she had to admit that Quinn scared her most of the time. She was cold and distant. Angry. And sad. Rachel had seen her hurt people without a second thought. Quinn had hurt_ her_ more times she could count. She didn't like how the blonde used people, even those closest to her, to get what she wanted, no matter the cost to them. _"Like Santana or Sam…"_ Lucy wouldn't ever do something like that. But apparently Lucy had become Quinn. And Rachel was honest enough to know she probably had been the cause of the change. "I'm not sure there is a place for me in her life or for her in mine…"

"There is always a place for a loved one Rachel." Kurt said softly once again sprawling on the bed.

And those words made Rachel realize what really was the problem. "But before I was her everything." She heard the whine in her own voice and hated it. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall. She was tired, this talk had taken more out of her that she thought it would have. "We weren't only girlfriends. I was her best friend and she was mine."

"You can be again…"

"No we can't." It hurt to say that. Rachel could feel the tears gather in her eyes once again. "We can't Kurt because then I was special to her. I was her only true friend. She has other friends now…" Rachel knew it sounded egoistic but it was true. She had been special to Lucy, her whole world, just like Lucy had been hers. And she had lost it, threw it away really. _"How could I be so stupid?"_ She asked herself, once more cursing her younger self and the one hasty decision that had cost her too much.

"You do too Rachel…" Kurt reminded her trying to calm her down. His voice soothed her, lessening a bit of the clouding hopelessness she felt. "Rachel, you changed. She changed. Even if you got back together it won't be the same. It can be better, it can be worse, but it can't be the same. You have to accept this…"

"I'll think about it."

"You do that... and remember you still owe me the details, girl."

Rachel barely smiled but was grateful to him for trying to lift her mood. She didn't know what she had expected from this talk but Kurt reaming her a new one for what she had done to Quinn and then give her a needed, but still hurtful, reality check hadn't crossed her mind. Rachel felt like she had been through a wringer but the things were clearer now. Kurt was a good friend to have.

"I don't think she'd like that." Rachel replied, finally finding the strength to get up from her desk chair. She stretched her back slowly hiding a groan. She had been slumped in that chair for hours staring blankly at the wall before she had decided to call Kurt and her back was practically killing her now.

"She is the shy one in the relationship?" Kurt almost coed in the speaker.

"She was shy… now I think she is more private than anything." Rachel doubted anyone would every describe Quinn as shy, but knowing just how shy Lucy had been was enough to make her question what she always had assumed about Quinn. "Thanks Kurt."

"Don't think about it Rachel. Bye."

Kurt closed the phone and stared at it like it could give him the answers he searched. He hadn't really seen this coming. Rachel was a lesbian, well a bisexual if her dalliances with St. James, Finn and Puck were anything to go by. The number of gay and bisexuals kids in Glee was getting ridiculous, considering Santana and Brittany, he was sure it was only a matter of time for that two, they were at four out of twelve. _"Well at least we can count on Quinn to be our all-American girl…" _

**XXX**

They were sitting on the couch watching an action movie. It was Finn's turn to choose, but Quinn wasn't really as bored by his choice as he believed. The blonde hadn't ever felt the need to tell him she actually liked watching action movies when she didn't want to think.

But tonight wasn't about enjoying secretly the movie while pretending to be bored to tears. "Finn?" Quinn asked when she was sure he was engrossed in the movie. She had found early on in their relationship that a distracted Finn was an honest Finn.

"Yeah?"

"You like me, right?"

"Yes Quinn."

His eyes were still riveted to the screen. Quinn gave the brunette girl in the movie maybe another five minutes to live. _"You got the short stick girl… the blonde is the co-protagonist…"_

"And you love Rachel." She added then, like an afterthought.

"Yes…" Realizing a moment too late what he had said Finn shot up, forgetting all about the movie, rapidly backpedaling. "No, wait… I don't love her…"

Quinn arced an eyebrow.

"Finn, it's a bit late to deny it. And your admission about it, well that's just a confirmation. I have seen how you look at her when you think nobody is paying attention."

Noticing that her girlfriend didn't seem at all surprised nor all that angry about it, Finn sat back, sighing. "I'm sorry. I really care about you, but… she just…" He shrugged, he hadn't ever been loquacious. "So what we do now?"

"We break up Finn."

"But your chance at prom queen?"

It was sad hearing Finn reduce their relationship to that, but after all theirs hadn't ever been an epic romance. The ones you tell about your nephews or your friends watch with envy. It had just been something convenient to them both. It had meant status and popularity when they both had wanted it in their freshman year. And earlier this year it had been something familiar when they had needed to feel secure.

"I'll just run alone." Quinn said shrugging realizing with relief that she really didn't care anymore one way or the other. She had her place back in the squad and that was all she needed to get out of here if her GPA or SAT score wouldn't be enough. And she was studying pretty damn hard to do well at them. She wasn't an honor roll student by chance. "At this point I don't really care who ends up being the king." She said it without malice and Finn nodded understandingly. They both knew he didn't really care about being the king.

They sat there in a silence that soon turned awkward. Fidgeting Finn sat up uncertain about what to do. "Alright… then I'll just go…"

Feeling bad for having ambushed him and wanting to save at least something resembling a friendship between them, Quinn shook her head smiling at him. "There is no need Finn, stay, the movie hasn't ended. The brunette still has to die."

"You sure?" He checked before plopping back on the couch at her nod.

"Yeah, just forget about cuddles."

Quinn smiled at him, one of her small, real smiles.

"No cuddles eh? I can deal…" Finn smiled back at her. "I care about you Quinn." He added turning to the screen. The blonde knew he hadn't ever been one for long emotional talk. Like her.

"Me too Finn."

There was really no need to hurt each other telling what they both had known all along. They had never been in love. _"I really hope his relationship with Rachel ends better than mine..." _Quinn added to herself turning to watch exactly how the brunette would die. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank for all the reviews. **

**Imaferrari, no, it won't be an angst story, maybe I'll torture Rachel and Quinn for a bit, ;-), but it won't be an angst fest, there is romance in the future…**

**aquarius127, threshold would you believe me if I told you it was completely accidental that the one to die in the movie was a brunette? Mmm? Really, it was completely accidental… I swear… really…**

**Before I forget there will be Brittana too… sooner or later…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<br>**

Santana was going to her locker asking herself just when her life had become such a mess. She was hiding from her best friend that wanted her to admit to everyone something she just wasn't ready to tell, no matter how much she wanted it too, and for some reason that had made much more sense just a week ago she was fake dating Karofsky, who was as gay as she was and hiding it just as much. Talk about fucked up. She glared murderously at the freshman stupid enough to not move out of her way. Finally catching her glare he almost tripped in the hast to make room. _"At least everyone at school is still scared of me…"_ She smirked to herself feeling just a tiny bit better.

"I can give you something you want."

Quinn had appeared at her left and fell in step with her like they hadn't ever stopped to be the unholy trinity. If not for years of habit Santana would have been startled by the sudden presence, instead she felt a sort of ease and a bit of regret that Brittany wasn't here with them.

"Like what Quinn?"

Santana asked uninterested, stopping at her locker to drop off her books before Glee. She had enough stuff on her mind without being drawn in one of Quinn's schemes. Still the odd smile on the blonde's face, one of her angelic ones, made her pause. That smile generally meant that Quinn was happy and there were good news. Santana realized she had missed seeing that smile.

"Like your place in the Cheerios."

"What the fuck Q? You betrayed the club again?" Santana sounded half angry half amused. After all she knew she didn't really have the right to throw stones about this. Practically nobody in the club had that right, they all had left sooner or later. They all had come back too.

"No, this offer came with Coach's word that she won't ever again make us choose between Cheerios and Glee."

"How did you…" Santana began, shaking her head incredulous. "…nah, I don't fucking care how you did." And she didn't. Santana knew what Quinn was capable off when she really wanted something. In Santana's opinion this single-minded, almost ruthless, determination was one of Quinn's best and worst traits, depending on what side you were. "You got this manipulation shit down to an art. This offer includes B, too?"

"You think I'm that stupid?" Quinn shot back arching her brow almost looking offended but she was still smiling, satisfied at Santana's reaction. "If it didn't include B I wouldn't even bother to offer it to you."

Santana smiled back at her for another moment knowing just how true that was. Even now she wouldn't even consider going back in the Cheerios if Brittany couldn't too. Quinn knew her well, and she knew Quinn well. "What do you want for it?" Santana questioned warily because nothing was ever quite free with Quinn. It hadn't been for a long time. The answer surprised her.

"A chance to be your friend." Lauren finding out about Lucy had been the last push Quinn had needed to finally decide to do something about her life, a life she had never really been happy with. And Quinn knew a good part of it depended upon the fact that happiness was about the meaningfulness of your relationships more than their numbers. She had been happier when she was Lucy and she had only a friend than in the years after, when scores of people had said they were her friends. Quinn knew it was mostly her fault, she had kept all her friends at arms' length regardless of her own belief in the truthfulness of their friendship. She had done so in a misguided attempt to protect her heart. At the time trading happiness for security had been a choice all too easy to make and one she didn't even make consciously.

"Can the BFF bullshit Q," Santana sneered at Quinn, slamming her locker closed. "'cause I don't fall for that shit."

"This time isn't bullshit Santana." Quinn told seriously waiting to meet Santana's eyes before going on. "I mean it. I just wanna try again to be your friend, alright? We both know we never really got there and it was more my fault than yours. I think we could really be friends." Quinn was sure of it, they had always clicked even when neither of them had really cared about the other. "So you wanna try?"

"Why should I?"

Santana challenged, staring intensely in Quinn's eyes. No matter how complicated her life was at the moment she had noticed that something was different with the blonde. In the last days Quinn had seemed more than happy, almost giddy. Strange considering that Santana had heard she and Finn had broken up, again.

"Because, like me, you really don't have that many friends?"

Quinn's tone was half sarcastic half serious. She was sick and tired of meaningless relationships and fake friendships. Sure, they had been easier and uncomplicated but they had been swallow too.

"True, but that didn't really change anything before." They had betrayed each other more than once. Santana was still angry about the way Quinn had told about her surgery. And if outright betrayal wasn't quite enough they had freely taken pot shots when the other was down. They had hurt the other just to feel better about themselves. _"Christ, we're really messed up…"_

"Ok, you're right." And she was but Quinn wasn't about to back down. She had had a true friend once and she had missed having one since then. And Santana could be a true friend, Quinn had seen the potential for it all along. After all even if their friendship had been more fake than real Santana hadn't ever been a bad friend to her. But now Quinn wanted more and she had to start somewhere. "Look at this this way then, you don't have anything I want, so there is no reason to befriend you and then betray you to get it."

"You know what? That's good enough for me." And it was surprisingly. This being the biggest bitch on the block bullshit was getting old and Santana was getting tired of it. Now that she was mostly on the outs with Britt she was practically alone. She sure felt lonely. _"Just like Q…"_ Santana realized, and suddenly Quinn's didn't seem out of left field anymore. Because she had always had Brittany at her side but Quinn had spent most of the last two years without a real friend. Even if they had been called the unholy trinity they hadn't been all that close. Party friends, sure. Team mates too. Confidant? No. But she knew Quinn enough to know she was being honest about her reasons. And Quinn was the "best friend to have, worst enemy to have" type. So if she was offering true friendship Santana would be a fool to refute it. And Santana was many things but not a fool. And she had always liked Quinn even when she had wanted to strangle her. "So what's next, Cap?"

"You go to B and tell her the good news and give her back this." Quinn instructed giving her gym bag with their Cheerios uniforms, the jackets and the sweats. "This afternoon, after glee, I'll go to speak to the coach. We can meet at my house at five, we can do dinner and then I'll bring you two up to speed."

"Why tonight?"

"Because tomorrow morning at six we three will go to get all our squad up bright and early."

Santana laughed at this. Cheerios' practice started at seven this time of the season, and considering how little Lima was it meant that the girls on the team didn't get up before past half six. "I like how much of a mean bitch you are."

"That's only because you are a mean bitch too." Quinn said with a real smile. "See you S." And with that Quinn sauntered away, leaving a bemused Santana in her wake. _"Things are about to get interesting once more…"_ She smiled at the realization and suddenly her day didn't seem as bad. 

* * *

><p>"Quinn wait!"<p>

A small brunette blur cried out as it come running towards Quinn. The blonde only sighed, she was tired and had still a long evening before her. She just wanted to go home, prepare dinner for Santana, Brittany and herself and spend some time with her friends. She really didn't have the time for this but it was beginning to get annoying. Not that Rachel couldn't be annoying all by herself, but this burning need to speak to her that the brunette seemed to have developed in the last two days was beginning to grate on Quinn's last nerve.

And Quinn knew when she was tense she got short tempered and irritable, and that wasn't a good mood for having any constructive talk, much less for what would probably end up being an hard emotional talk. But she didn't want to drag it out anymore she had to, because the sooner Rachel got the whole "forget about Lucy" thing the better was.

And really, the blonde knew Rachel enough to realize that she would hound her until they finally spoke, so it was a matter of _when_ more than _if _they would talk. _"Well, that's not entirely true."_ She smirked to herself_. "Probably if I make her life the hell it was the second semester of freshman year she'd leave me alone… after all she can get a clue if you hit her hard enough with it… repeatedly…"_ The problem was she didn't really want to do that. That first year she had been hurt and angry. Hurting Rachel back had felt good, even if the brunette hadn't know why she was her favorite victim.

It had been a bittersweet discovery to realize that Rachel didn't recognize her when she began to go by Quinn. Bittersweet but not that surprising. After all in their freshman year they hadn't shared a single class and Quinn had been careful to avoid the brunette for months after her radical makeover. That fact Rachel had soon learned that avoiding the Cheerios and the jocks was one of the best way to not be slushied had made it easy. So when they had finally met in an hallway in the second semester there hadn't been any sign of recognition in Rachel's eyes. Quinn still remembered the almost overpowering wave of relief and excitement at her successful transformation. And the crushing sadness at not being recognized by what had been her best friend and love had been quickly banished to a forgotten corner of her mind. Then she had slushied Rachel for the first time and laughed, ignoring the tears that had gathered in the corner of her eyes.

But now Quinn wasn't angry anymore. Not like that at least. _"Fantastic, I'm growing up…"_

So, after days of avoiding the small brunette, Quinn just closed her locker and waited. It was a good time as any to talk. It was late and by now the school was probably desert but for the two of them. Actually Quinn had thought she would be the only one left on the premises considering that after glee she had gone to talk to the Coach and being brought up to speed had required some time. _"At least she has the restrain to try to speak about this only privately." _

Quinn watched Rachel practically skid to halt in front of her and almost losing her balance in the process. Apparently the little singer hadn't thought that Quinn would just wait for her, and had been running full out, ready to chase her. Quinn forced herself to not to reach out and help Rachel even when it looked like the brunette would fall.

"What do you want?" She asked instead just this side of rudely, steeling herself for this talk.

Ok, maybe she was mature enough to not torture Rachel anymore for what she had done but she surely hadn't reached the "be-kind-to-her-despite-everything" level. She doubted she'd reach it anytime soon.

After ungracefully regaining her balance Rachel took a moment to study Quinn. It was the first time she had had the chance to really look at the blonde after their talk in the parking lot. She searched Quinn's face carefully but once again she couldn't see her Lucy in this beautiful stranger in front of her. Still Rachel forced herself to meet the blonde's gaze, shivering at the detached composure she could see in the hazel eyes and she couldn't help her anguish at the absence of the once usual warm. What they had to talk about was important and Rachel wouldn't let a kneejerk reaction, developed as a defense from cruel jokes, keep her from looking in Quinn's eyes.

After her talk with Kurt, Rachel had sat down and really thought about what she felt and realized she wanted her friend back. The rest, well the rest she was still figuring it out. Things had changed from three years ago, she had changed, and Rachel hadn't the slightest idea of how she felt. But to be truthful the brunette couldn't quite contemplate herself in a relationship with Quinn. Too beautiful to be real Quinn, popular Quinn, intimidating Quinn.

And then there was Quinn to consider, because there were two people in every relationship. And Rachel didn't know if Quinn wanted it all back or even only the friendship part of it. After all the blonde had known all along and never said anything. But Rachel had to try, because she had lost Lucy once and she hadn't any intention to lose her again.

So Rachel forced herself to keep looking in the cold hazel eyes and began to speak. "I know what I did three years ago was wrong Quinn, and I'm sorry about it, so sorry."No matter how much time Rachel had spent searching a way to explain her actions she had always come empty handed. Just how you say _I'm sorry I broke you, I didn't mean a word of what I said but it was the only thing I could think up at the time to break up with you_. Whether she had meant it or not Rachel knew she had broken Lucy, and there weren't words to apologize for something like that. Still she tried. "But I want to be your friend again Quinn." "_I can make it up to you if you just give me a chance…"_ She pleaded wordlessly.

Even now that she knew Quinn was Lucy Rachel couldn't help the shiver of half fear, half dread she felt every time Quinn really looked at her. Like now. She ignored her uneasiness and went on. "I really want to be your friend again." _"Please just give me this… even if it's only friendship… just please don't go away again… don't leave me…" _Rachel begged desperately inside her head, hoping that Quinn would give her a second chance.

The blonde had suspected Rachel would say something like that. She had readied herself for it. It still hurt as bad as three years before. It was the confirmation she still wasn't good enough to be anything but Rachel's friend. It hurt and she lashed out.

"You still don't understand do you, Rachel?" Quinn spoke in a quiet angry voice, not really caring anymore about hurting the singer. "I didn't want your friendship three years ago and I sure as hell don't want it now."

"Damnit Quinn!" Rachel bit back, getting angry herself. She saw Quinn change in the blink of an eye. Gone was every trace of detached composure and the only thing that remained was blind anger and almost hate. She didn't understand why however and it left her baffled. Sometimes talking with Quinn Rachel had had the sensation they were talking about different things. But that had been before knowing she was Lucy. But even now that she know the truth the blonde's line of thought still seemed unreachable. Frustrated, Rachel just vented her pent up emotions. "Don't even try that bullshit with me! We were friends Quinn, don't even try to pretend it didn't happen. I didn't make up those months. I didn't image seeing you at the park twice a week, or going out with you to the theatres or the mall. I sure as hell didn't image having you at dinner with my dads. I didn't image you laughing and be happy around me. Or you searching me out to spend some time together. Dating you or kissing you in my bedroom. I'm not that out of my mind and you're not that great an actor to have faked it!"

"God, you really are blind sometimes… I know we have been friends Rachel. I didn't forget those months, thank you very much. It's difficult to forget that much hurt…" Seeing the brunette flinch made Quinn smile a cold satisfied smirk. It was like being back in the freshman year and find out that she could hurt Rachel too. "What you don't understand or don't want to understand, I don't really care which it is, is that what I always wanted is a relationship with you, not a fucking friendship."

Quinn hadn't really wanted to say it, it was one of the things she kept buried in a corner of her mind so that they wouldn't hurt, but now that she had done it the blonde would not try to take it back. She was done with lying to herself and the others.

The shock of the revelation was enough to leave Rachel speechless. She stammered a bit, incoherently, before the blonde cut her off, her voice increasingly furious even as it grew quieter.

"And you know what else? You hurt me badly enough that even now I couldn't _be_ a in relationship with you!" Even as she said that Quinn realized it was true. It only made her sad and suddenly too tired to continue this. "But it doesn't matter what I want, does it? It never did after all. It has always been about you." She laughed bitterly. "Even when I spoke with you about my fucking hopeless future in the auditorium it was all about you. And Finn. You and Finn." Quinn could feel tears gather at the corner of her eyes. She blinked them away. She hadn't cried three years ago and she wouldn't do it now. "So I have good news for you. As of last night, Finn is free, not that him being in a relationship stopped you before. Go to him and be happy. And God help him if he gets in a relationship with you, he sure will need it." The absolute certainty in Quinn's words was enough to make Rachel flinch as if she had been slapped. Whatever else, Quinn believed them. "But I don't care if you two end up destroying each other or living happily ever after. Just stay the fuck away from me Rachel, because I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Your. Friend."

And with that she turned and stalked away, leaving a stunned Rachel in her wake. _"What I have done…"_ Rachel thought horrified. She hadn't realized she had hurt Quinn so badly.

Rachel crumpled to the floor sobbing, watching Quinn leave her life once more. 

* * *

><p><strong>Three years ago <strong>

Soon meeting at the park twice a week became routine for Rachel and Lucy. They walked, they talked and they laughed, beginning to know each other and feeling more comfortable. The only problem was that their time together was so short. Saturday's morning Rachel had her voice lessons and Sunday Lucy had to be at home early for a family lunch so that her mother and she could go back home in the afternoon. It was for this reason that last week Rachel had proposed to see each other at the mall Saturday afternoon. Lucy had accepted enthusiastically.

It was a fun afternoon. To Lucy's surprise there hadn't been any awkwardness even if for her it had been her first time at a mall with a friend instead that her parents. She had been anxious about what they would do, how she would have to behave and another thousands of little things. In the end it had been easy be with Rachel at the mall, just like it had been being with her at the park.

For the most part they had drifted around the mall more interested in talking than doing any shopping. At least until they got in front of the music store.

"I have to get something… do you mind?"

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me…"

Lucy teased gently. One couldn't know Rachel for long and not know about her music passion. The girl was practically obsessed by it. Lucy didn't mind, she too liked music and had chalked any fanaticism on Rachel's part as quirks.

Rachel smiled a bit self-consciously at the gentle tease, she was still getting used to being teased instead of mocked, then shrugged. She knew she felt very strongly about music, but apparently Lucy didn't mind. It was one of the things she liked about her friend, she was tired of being cruelly mocked about it by her classmates.

What followed was a very enjoyable visit. They browsed the shelves commenting on this or that artist. Sometimes in a scathing way, sometimes with approval. It was soon clear that Lucy had more than a passing knowledge of classic music and Rachel simply knew everything about Broadway and musicals and much about everything else.

For the most part it was Rachel who led the conversation, with Lucy inserting a comment or a quip her and there. Yes, she listened to music and enjoyed it but the smaller girl lived for it. And Lucy liked how happy Rachel got talking about it, she seemed to almost shine when she talked about music. So the taller girl gladly let her lead the conversation.

It was fun.

It was after more than an hour of browsing that they finally got in line to check out. For the time they had spent in the shop they hadn't bought much, just a cd each. Rachel had finally found just _that_ recording of _that_ cast of one of her favorites musicals. Lucy wondered if there even was a that wasn't a favorite of Rachel. Somehow she doubted it.

As they were waiting for their turn Rachel was busy describing to an interested Lucy just how her morning singing lesson had gone.

Lucy liked how Rachel used her hands to underline this or that point, especially when she touched her arm, just over her elbow, on a particular remarkable point. "So I still have to work on that note…" Rachel stopped but just for a moment. Lucy could see that her friend had just got an idea. She fervently hoped Rachel would never play poker, it was just too easy to read her. "Why don't you come to my next voice lesson? Come on it'll be fun. You could try to sing too, you could be a talent too, you know? Singing is so beautiful and you have to try, you have to…"

All Lucy could do was smile and nod in all the right places at Rachel's rant, knowing from the words' speed that Rachel was on one of her unstoppable roll. They got to the register and Lucy paid for both their cds while the smaller girl was still going strong on how beneficial singing lessons were for the tone of voice, and diction, and another thousands of things that Lucy didn't really follow.

Lucy retrieved the two little bags and followed her friend out of the shop, all the while nodding here and there, since she didn't know half the terms Rachel was talking about and didn't really understand most of what she was saying.

They were almost at the food court when Rachel suddenly stopped mid rant. "I'm badgering you right? I'm so sorry, it's just I'm excited to have a friend who likes music."

"Don't worry you were fine." Lucy reassured even if sometimes Rachel got a little bit too excited even for her. The girl was just so full of energy that sometimes it scared her. But she was trying to curb her penchant to rant, like now, and it was all that mattered to Lucy.

"So will you come?"

The invitation to assist to one of Rachel's singing lessons had been one of the few things Lucy had completely understood about the long monologue. "Sure, I'd like it." Lucy was sure it would been fun seeing Rachel singing. Her friend enjoyed it too much to not transmit it to her public.

"Good." Rachel replied making an effort to be concise, but there was so much to say. Lucy could see her friend was choosing her next words carefully. She had already learned that it meant Rachel was about to ask for something that mattered to her. "Maybe you could try to sing. I have always dreamed to have a friend to sing with."

"I'll consider it." Lucy promised seeing Rachel's hopeful look. Even if she hadn't ever wanted to sing. _"That look will be the death of me…" _She thought ruefully.

Lucy liked music but not that much, she suspected it was because she didn't truly understand it, feel it. It was one the reasons she had given up playing the piano. She had always been too mechanical at it, technically perfect but mechanical. She just didn't manage to convey the emotions behind the songs. That and her parents', her dad's really, pressure to be perfect at it. "This is yours." Still, if Rachel wanted her to sing she would consider it.

"Thanks…" Rachel accepted her cd absentmindedly, thinking on ways to change Lucy's maybe in a yes. It took her a moment to realize just what she had in her hand. "…wait!" She almost screamed beginning to feel panicked. "I didn't pay it!"

Lucy laughed at the Rachel's consternation. She was looking at the cd like it was an alien life form more than a music album she had choose to buy. "Don't worry, I paid it." Rachel looked at her for a moment quizzically, like she hadn't really understood, then began to nod and slowly calm down.

Seeing Rachel reach in the purse, Lucy quickly added. "Leave it. Just consider it a gift."

This time the words stopped Rachel cold. She studied Lucy thoughtfully for a long moment before giving her a shy smile. "Aside for my fathers, nobody ever gave me anything before…" Rachel said softly, looking delighted at her gift.

Lucy smiled back, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal. "Well, I'm not anyone and I wanted to, Rachel." It was things like this that made Lucy cherish knowing Rachel. She liked make the brunette smile. And knowing she wasn't the only one who hadn't experienced many things made her feel normal. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks Lucy." Rachel said feelingly reaching out and hugging Lucy.

They stood there, hugging for a long moment, both of them savoring the contact, before resuming their stroll across the mall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews. So here it's really late and I'm sleepy, but I wanted to post this chapter today… that means there may be some more mistakes than usual, guys… sorry for them…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

**Chapter 5**

xxx

* * *

><p>"Come on! This is the best you can do? I leave for a couple of months and this is the best you can put together?"<p>

Quinn could see the glares the rest of the Cheerios were giving her. They screamed murder. But to her they didn't mean anything but that it was back to business as usual. She just stood there, smirking, clad once again in the red and white uniform that meant she was one of them, and the best of all. _"God how I missed it."_

Quinn simply kept to watch their performance with a critic eye, unconcerned by the stares, knowing they hadn't the guts or the cunning to do anything but glower at her.

"_After all they have always glared…"_

The upper classmen had glared at her from the time she had made captain. At first it had been the majority of the team, now it was only an handful of seniors who had hated her for years. She hadn't been scared of them when she was only a freshman and sure as hell she wasn't scared of them now. So she simply kept smirking, noticing with satisfaction how every single one of them found the grass so much more interesting when she met their eyes.

It had to burn to know she was better than them but she really didn't care. It was their problem, not her. Quinn had proved she was the best time and time again, faultlessly performing routines all of them had declared impossible. Training and leading them until they too could do them. And she hadn't ever been soft with them. But she was fair too, never expecting of them something she herself couldn't do. She was always the first on field and the last to go to the lockers. So, even if they hated her, they knew she was better than them and would make winners out of them.

Once she had set them straight she went on with her tirade.

"Mandy! What the hell are you doing? You have to lift Tiffany no try to kill her throwing her away like yesterday garbage. You are a base. Try to act like one! And Tiffany when you're on Tracy shoulders it's up to you to remain there… Stop it, stop it… everybody just stop." Quinn waited for the team to line up in front of her before going on. "It has been an half an hour and we haven't even tried out the first half of our national routine. Maybe I have to move the start of our practice to six if we can't even complete it…" She ignored the grumbling and the scared faces. Nobody had been happy to be dragged out of their house before six thirty this morning. Quinn turned to her right facing Santana and Brittany, who like her had sat out this morning practice. The blonde had wanted to underline that the unholy trinity was back. "S, were they so bad before we left?"

"No captain, they sure as hell were better."

"Well, I'm getting tired of seeing this sad excuses of cheerleaders." Quinn ignored the annoyed shifting and grumblings at her words. "Alright people. Look at how it is done _right_… maybe you can even learn something watching… B, S, you ready?"

"Like always."

Santana replied for both of them with arrogance. Quinn nodded and they took position.

Effortlessly the three of them did the routine the rest of the team had been practicing for the last half hour. They moved in perfect synchronicity, with Santana and Brittany acting like her bases for the last part of the routine. It was exhilarating. _"God, how I missed it." _They completed the routine without a single mistake, exchanging high fives at the end.

"So that's how it's done." Quinn drank in the envious and impressed stares. It was with demonstrations like those that she had built her reputation. No one of them imagined that the three of them had met last night and tried this routine for more than three hours in her basement to make it perfect. "How much did we reach, S?"

"Forty suicides, cap."

"At the rate of one suicide for every mistake it means you sucks ladies. And because we didn't reach the end of the routine it means five additional laps of the field. Get started people if you want to shower before school, it's already seven thirty."

They left the field half an hour later, after the punishment was over and the stretching was done. Quinn waited for all the others to reach the lockers simply enjoying the feeling of satisfaction and rightness. She loved being the captain. She loved cheerleading enough that all the time and effort she put in it to know every single part of every routine didn't seem like a sacrifice to her. It was just what she had to do to be the best. Leaving the field Quinn nodded once to Sue. The coach had been hidden under the bleachers in the usual spot from where she liked to spy the _unsupervised_ practices. 

xxx 

The crowd parted like the Red Sea for the unholy trinity once more clad in their red white and black Cheerios' uniform and the usual air of authority. There was whispering, discreet pointing. Freshmen who tried to become one with the walls knowing their abysmal place in the food chain. Losers that didn't dare to even breathe when they walked by, praying to just not being noticed. Several jocks that hadn't been too kind to them after they had been booted from the Cheerios had suddenly found the floor interesting when they had walked by. Quinn, Santana and Brittany ignored them all, like reality did to nobility and peasants alike.

They finally got to the hallways where all their lockers were, Sue Sylvester had long ago decided that Cheerios' lockers had to be fairly close to each other to build team spirit, two jocks made their way towards them with slushy cups in hands and uncertain smiles. Wester and Matthews approached the unholy trinity somewhat apprehensively since they had been among the more vocal about their fall of grace.

Quinn studied them coldly as they neared already suspecting what was about to happen. Apparently she was the only one because every other student froze uncertain about what would happen.

The jocks halted in front of them and handed them the cups as if it was the everyday occurrence it had been in sophomore year. Like they hadn't been among the athletes that had threatened the three of them of a slushy shower not two weeks ago. That they hadn't never worked up the courage to actually do it only made Quinn smirk at the meaninglessness of their threats.

She accepted her cup weighing it in her hand, watching as the two seemed to be relieved of her acceptance of what was a peace offering. _"If only they knew…"_ Quinn thought coldly and affecting a thoughtful expression as she turned to Santana who had been handed the second slushy. Everybody knew Brittany didn't throw slushies, she never had.

"You see anyone worthy a slushy, S?"

The tension in the hallway skyrocketed. The efforts of the losers to just blend in the walls increased tenfold, same of them quietly shuffling away. But Quinn's attention didn't waver once from the two jocks in front of her. Matthews, the more perceptive of the two, frowned at the blonde's odd look, not quite sure about what was happening but having a bad feeling about it.

"No Q, aside from a couple of promising targets I don't see anyone."

Santana was staring at the jocks too, with a slightly sadistic smile on her lips. A ripple of shock run along the watching crowd. Wester and Matthews froze not quite believing their own ears, this was not how things went at McKinley High. Nobody ever slushied a jock on a varsity team, Finn aside, but then he was the Glee captain too and had fallen from grace more times that anybody could count. Like Quinn. But impossibly she seemed to always gain back her popularity and then add more to it. Suddenly Matthews blanched, this time he had believed she was done for and had openly threatened her. And everybody knew that unlike Finn Quinn didn't forgive.

"Maybe…" Quinn said thoughtfully, watching the hockey players sweat with a cold smile. Wester seemed about ready to throw up. "…maybe not… we could always sip this cups while we see if someone suddenly appears and strikes our fancy."

"Good idea Q."

The two cheerleaders stood there slowly sipping their frozen drinks never once averting their eyes from the fidgeting players. The whole hallway was holding their collective breath looking at the clear display of power. They continued to drink for about a minute that seemed to go on forever to Wester and Matthews.

"You can throw them away now…"

Quinn said dismissingly, once satisfied they had learned the lesson, giving her cup to the closer of the two. Matthews nodded once, clearly having got the message, as everyone else had. _"I can crush you, if I want."_ Hadn't ever been clearer. And just like that the tension in the hallway vanished.

Without another word the three of them resumed their walk and the students automatically cleared a path for them. Quinn knew Santana was smirking at her right and she herself was sporting a trademark almost there smile. Brittany had her usual carefree smile, and everybody knew it was much better for their own health that she kept smiling just like that. And even if the fear and the envy in the school population's eyes wasn't as satisfying as it had been it still made Quinn feel better. Because it was the proof that no matter was if she wanted something she would have it.

Quinn wasn't really paying attention when she opened her locker but she froze when saw a little black box placed on top of her books with a note resting on it. There was nobody in her life right now that would have any interest in leaving gifts to her.

Curious, she took the folded note, clearly written on a notebook's page. Nothing strange there. It wasn't signed but it didn't need to be. She recognized the calligraphy _"Rachel…"_

_Please give me a chance to earn it back, Quinn._

Quinn couldn't quite help the shaking in her hands when she reached for the box. She opened it cautiously, not really knowing what she would find inside, the note not really telling anything. It took her two tries to make the catch work and when it finally did the blonde couldn't quite believe her eyes. She blinked once and then twice. It didn't change the contents of the small package.

Carefully nestled in the black velvet there was the gold charm she had given Rachel three years before.

The one she had given the little singer explaining just how Rachel got her like nobody had ever done before, that she was the one who made her world complete. That she was the one who made the world make sense for her.

The half of the globe she had specifically gone to a jeweler to have it done and then had asked it to be broken in two parts that fitted each other perfectly.

The other half of the charm she had at home buried in drawer far from sight but never quite forgotten.

It was too much. Quinn felt the familiar walls slam down suppressing her emotions, leaving her just numb. She couldn't deal with this feelings now, so she boxed them carefully in a corner of her mind.

She tore her gaze away from the box only to catch Rachel's eyes.

The brunette was standing about ten feet away with a single-minded expression on her face. The little singer caught her gaze, like she was waiting for it, and held it. Quinn saw the resolve and the hope in Rachel's brown eyes. And the longing. A longing so strong and deep that matched hers. It didn't make sense.

Quinn could feel the blood rushing in her ears as a wave of emotions too strong to be just ignored almost crushed her. Her carefully built equilibrium had just been violently flipped over, and for the first time in a long while Quinn was completely lost. Once more Rachel had single handedly turned her world upside down.

Quinn visibly staggered at finding out that what she had hoped for could be true. That Rachel too longed to have her back, just like she longed to have the brunette back. It was too much to even contemplate. Quinn knew she was about to crumble to pieces in front of the entire school. So she clutched at her pride, at her desperate need to avoid public embarrassment, hoping it would be enough to steel herself long enough to get a bearing. But it was a losing battle and she knew it.

Then Finn appeared before her, obscuring Rachel from her gaze like she never existed. Not seeing the longing in those brown eyes was enough to permit Quinn to hold on even if barely.

"Quinn?" It was clear from his confused and almost annoyed expression that this wasn't the first time he called her.

"Yes?" She wasn't never more glad to see Finn and his bulking body. Her voice sounded a bit chocked but the tall boy didn't seem to notice. Discreetly she swallowed trying to dislodge the lump in her throat.

"We need to talk. Privately…"

"Sure…" She didn't want to talk to him but she was desperate to get out of this hallway, out of Rachel sight so she nodded, closing the box and her locker without looking at either. "Let's go." She took a deep breath trying to control herself long enough to get out of here.

Turning in the opposite direction Quinn led Finn to what she knew be an empty class, sighing in relief when he closed the door.

She leaned against one of the desks and just stood there, trying to muster some of her strength back. It wouldn't do to fall apart in front of Finn. There was only a person Quinn would cry in front of, and that was Rachel.

She closed her eyes for a moment build up her walls and opened them to find out that Finn was studying her with a somewhat confused expression. Not that Finn didn't look confused often enough. Then he shook his head apparently dismissing whatever had him puzzled.

Quinn saw him openly grimace when his eyes fell on her Cheerios uniform. A part of Quinn's mind couldn't help but feel angry at his hypocrisy. Once he had loved seeing her in the revealing uniform. She was used to begin angry and grasped at the emotion knowing it would help her regain a modicum of equilibrium.

"It's true then. You are back on the Cheerios." Quinn couldn't quite help rolling her eyes at Finn's astonishing capacity to state the obvious. Finn went on oblivious. "You can't do that and be in glee club too, Quinn. And you love being in Glee so you have to leave the Cheerios…"

"You, Puck and Sam are on the football team." She pointed out blandly because she desperately needed for this talk to end swiftly. Her emotional stability was hanging on a thread.

"So?" Finn asked frowning.

"So why can't I be on a team in you three are?" She challenged. Quinn didn't want to fight with him. If she had wanted to she had had the perfect occasion the night they had broken up. But his double standards had always bothered her, and she wasn't in her right mind just now.

"We didn't choose the team above Glee club."

"You did, Finn." She reminded him coldly. "Don't even try to pretend it didn't happen." Quinn fixed him with an hard glare until he nodded jerkily conceding the point. "If you can be on football team and Glee Club I, we, can be on the Cheerios and be in Glee as well."

"But why Quinn?" He asked and Quinn didn't know if she was imagining his whining tone or not. "It has something to do with our breaking up? I thought you were alright with it… after all it was you that suggested it…"

"It has nothing to do with us Finn." It grated on Quinn's nerves how he thought that everything was about him. It was one of the things she disliked about him, she always had. "I did it for the same reason as you did. I'm good at it Finn and I could get a scholarship with it." She knew she her answers were clipped but she beginning to really get angry and only wanted to get out of this talk. She didn't understand what he wanted and didn't really care. She hadn't for a long time.

Finn nodded seemingly accepting her answers it's next words made it clear he still didn't like it and why. He didn't trust her. And to think that for a moment Quinn had believed he had been worried about her. She had been wrong. He had been worried by her.

"Alright Quinn. Just don't betray the club this time."

She just gaped at him incredulous. Even if she shouldn't have been surprised. It was two years that everything was about Glee for Finn. Glee or Rachel. Quinn hadn't ever been certain one way or the other. But after all without Rachel there wasn't a Glee Club. _"God, will my life always rotate around Rachel?"_ Suddenly it was hard to breath. _"I have to get out of here. Now."_ Quinn didn't say another word to Finn, just got up and left.

With her Ice Queen mask firmly in place Quinn calmly walked to an out of the way bathroom, nodding politely to the various students that greeted her, when all she wanted to do was run to hide. She could feel her walls beginning to crumble under the emotional stress. It took what felt like an hour to reach the bathroom and duck in it.

After having swiftly checked it was really empty Quinn locked the door. This time the sigh of relief was more a shuddering breath. She leaned her forehead on the wood placing her hands against it. It was only then that she realized she had been clutching the little black box in her left one for all this time.

She opened her fingers, distantly noticing they hurt after having kept a white knuckled grip of the package for all this time, and forced herself to look down at it. This time it took only a try to open it.

She just stood there looking at the charm. Knowing that the little singer hadn't just throw away the single most important gift she had ever given her. The one she had desperately looked for every time she met Rachel in the last two years. The one that represented the trust she had had in Rachel, the love. The unconditional understanding she had thought to have found.

Quinn just stood there and tried to figure out what she was feeling while her eyes traced the little half globe outline. It started circular to then turn jagged along the line that separated the two half.

And finally tears welled up in Quinn's eyes when she had realized that all she felt was a fear so deep she was literally shaking like a leaf.

She curled up against the door and cried at how messed up she was. A strangled sob made its way out of her throat. It was only the first of a long series of heart wrenching sobs. She rocked herself gently, trying to comfort herself.

Quinn didn't know how long she cried before she heard the charm clutter to the floor, effortlessly slipping through her nerveless fingers.

It was enough to snap her out of her desperation. She looked around frantically, drying her eyes with a sleeve to clear her eyes. Finding it just to the side of her foot she picked it up reverently.

Quinn looked at the little globe once more then closed her fingers around it until she felt the jagged side press painfully in her palm.

Methodically she got up from the floor, put the charm back in its box and closed it before stuffing it in her pocket. Reaching the nearest sink Quinn washed her face carefully and then dried it. She passed an hand through her hair fixing it, took another deep breath, squared her shoulders and looked in the mirror. She nodded once, approvingly.

Quinn Fabray was ready to face the world once again.

She looked at her watch pleasantly surprised to find out she still had three minutes to make it to her first class on time.

It would be enough.

xxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews and the alerts. It's good to know you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.**

**Chapter 6**

xxx 

It had been a long grueling day for Quinn. She had been up at half past five to get ready to round up the Cheerios. Then there had been the practice, and no matter how in shape she had kept herself Cheerios practices were rough. And that had been only the beginning.

Then there had been the problems she had had to solve. Some she had expected like the glares from the Cheerios, the grumbles of several jocks and the attitudes that went with them. But they had soon fell in line, even if some of them had to be shoved in line. It was her first day back as Head Bitch in Charge and she had to prove she was as tough as ever.

Then it had been her "friends" turn to make things difficult for her.

Finn was the first Glee member to take her to one side to talk. After him Sam and Puck had wanted to talk to her too. Sam had been his usual polite self, only asking if she was happy about it and meant to remain in glee. Puck, well Puck had been Puck.

Lunch time had been more of the same. To make clear to the Cheerios and the whole school the unholy trinity was back, the three of them had seated at the table with the other cheerleader.

The rest of the glee members had just glared at them from their table. Some, Mercedes and Kurt among them because they were envious of their popularity. Others, like Mike and Tina just because they had betrayed the club more than once for the Cheerios.

Now they were in Glee and Quinn had decided she had had enough of their attitude. She had other, more important things to worry about than them. Like Rachel.

"I'll make clear once for all." She announced stopping at the center of the choir room with Santana and Brittany at her sides. "We're back on the Cheerios but we're not leaving Glee nor will we betray it.

"Yeah, like we believe it…"

Just as she had done with the Cheerios Quinn glared coldly at Mercedes until the other girl shut up. She had asked the coach to not bother her but she had done it more out of gratitude than friendship. Mercedes had been there for her when she had needed it, and Quinn wouldn't forget it but in those last months they had drifted away and their friendship hadn't been strong enough to last.

"I don't like to repeat myself Jones. We won't leave Glee. We won't leave Cheerios. Deal with it."

Mr Shue choose that moment to try to regain control of the room.

"Guys! Guys, calm down. Quinn, Santana and Brittany are your teammates and you'll treat them as such. I don't want to hear anything more about it. If they say they'll stay, we'll trust them. Clear?" There were several mumbled yeah and some grumbles both nobody said more about it. Will nodded and went on like it didn't happen anything, blithely ignoring the tension in the room. After all this was a choir whose members were teenagers, drama was certain. But there were more important things to talk about, like next assignment."Good… now about today's assignment…"

"Mr Shue?"

Quinn cut him off before he could go on. She was bone tired but she had a song she wanted to sing. Needed to really. She had thought about Rachel and her note all day. And she couldn't do it. She just couldn't let Rachel became her whole world again. Not when Rachel had so carelessly destroyed it before. She had barely survived last time.

"Yes Quinn?" Will prompted only then noticing that the head cheerleader hadn't gone to sit.

"Before we begin I have prepared something." Quinn explained simply even in none of that she was about to do was simple. She wanted to sing this song today, to make clear to Rachel exactly where she stood. Even if what she was about to do broke her heart.

In the months they had been together Rachel had explained her more than once that songs expressed emotions and could be used to express your emotions. At first Quinn hadn't quite believed it.

Quinn had soon realized that Rachel really communicated most of her feelings with songs. Most of the time Quinn had only had to hear what her best friend was singing to know exactly how she felt.

Still Quinn didn't really understand how someone could do it. It had been always hard for her to just feel her emotions, let alone express her in such a direct way, making her vulnerable. She rarely used music like this, especially before a public.

"Perfect, I like when you guys take the initiative. Come on, the floor is yours."

"Thanks." Quinn gave her music sheet to Brad and come to stand before the other kids. "This song is about something I'm feeling …it's a long time I feel like this really… it's about something that happened to me long ago… I'm sorry if it hurts anyone but I won't apologize for feeling it."

And with that she began to sing without looking at anyone. It was the first song she ever sang to Rachel and all Quinn could think was that it was the wrong one. When she had dreamed to sing to Rachel she had never thought it would be "not ready to make nice".

_Forgive, sounds good_

_Forget, I'm not sure I could_

_They say time heals everything_

_But I'm still waiting_

_I'm through with doubt_

_There's nothing left for me to figure out_

_I've paid a price_

_And I'll keep paying_

_I'm not ready to make nice_

_I'm not ready to back down_

_I'm still mad as hell and_

_I don't have time to go round and round and round_

_It's too late to make it right_

_I probably wouldn't if I could_

_'Cause I'm mad as hell_

_Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

_I know you said_

_Can't you just get over it_

_It turned my whole world around_

_And I kind of like it_

_Forgive, sounds good_

_Forget, I'm not sure I could_

_They say time heals everything_

_But I'm still waiting_

When the song ended there was a long silence in the music's room.

"It was beautiful Quinn… a splendid performance, really… you really can make an audience believe you lived the song…"

She had just opened herself up, sang a broken heartening song she had said it was about something real and this was his reaction. Quinn didn't know if she wanted to strangle him or hug him. "Thanks Mr Shue." Was all she said in the end. She felt empty but for the first time in a while peaceful.

She didn't have the courage to look at Rachel for the rest of the day.

xxx

_I feel pretty_

_Oh so pretty_

_I feel pretty and witty…_

"No Rachel, you took in the breath at the wrong point. Start again and this time I want it perfect, like the one you did last week."

For the first time in years, three to be exact, Rachel was finding difficult keeping her concentration singing. Hearing Quinn's rendition of "not ready to make nice", hearing the real emotions behind the words, the anger and the hurt, had been devastating to the little singer almost as much as giving her up three years ago.

The song made clear that Quinn wouldn't ever forgive her for what she had done. And knowing that hurt more that Rachel thought possible. It hurt more than every single torture Quinn had inflicted upon her in high school, even the cruel ones that left her with unshed tears in her eyes.

Rachel hadn't only lost the hope to make things right with Quinn and with it Quinn herself. No, she had lost much more today.

In the attempt to get a second chance with the girl she had loved Rachel had lost her beloved charm. The little half globe she kept in a compartment of her jewelry's box for safe keeping, too scared to lose it to wear it. The gold charm she looked at when she was sad or the world seemed to try to beat her down and she wanted some comfort. The one she carefully traced the outline of when she thought about Lucy. The one thing that had kept her going when everything had seemed to be against her and things kept getting worse. The thing that showed she was enough to make somebody's world complete. That she was good enough t o realize someone's dreams.

Rachel doubted she would ever forget the day Lucy had given her the charm. It was one of the happiest of her life.

It had been before they began dating, but when Rachel already knew there was more in their relationship than friendship, even if she wasn't certain what it was. They had been in her room, again, they rarely if ever went to Lucy house. The taller girl had pulled out this little box from her pocket, nervously playing with it and began haltingly explaining. "I want to give you something… you're important to me Rachel… more than I can really say… you complete my world…" And Rachel couldn't quite shake the feeling that Quinn had meant _complete me_. "You know? I never dreamed as big as you, and that was all I ever wanted… someone who makes me complete… and you do …you don't want to wear it, it's ok… this is something I wanted to give you because I felt like that… to let you know how important you are to me…"

Rachel had been speechless at the words. She hadn't realized she meant that much to Lucy. So she had simply reached out and put on the necklace. Lucy smile had been blinding.

Rachel had worn the necklace every day until the break up. And even after that she had treasured it.

Leaving the gold charm in Quinn's locker had been a desperate bid to let her know she hadn't forgot. That for all this time Lucy had mattered to Rachel, that she hadn't forgot her. She never could. It had been a risk but Rachel had to try after what the blonde had said, and not said, the day before.

Quinn had seemed so broken and lost, like Rachel had never seen before. And the brunette had responded to it, tried to make it better. She had thought that telling Quinn she was ready to once again complete her world it would be enough.

She had been wrong.

Apparently Quinn had decided her world was already complete.

Losing the charm and her hope to have a second chance hurt bad enough that Rachel wasn't sure she could sing today. And that realization only made her angry at herself and try harder. Because she was Rachel Berry and one day she would be a star. Because that was her dream and she had long ago decided she would sacrifice everything to realize it. Because she was at her private singing lessons and she wouldn't lose any opportunity of benefitting from Miss Ferguson's experience and advices to became one. Because even if everything else crumbled around her she would go to Broadway, she would become famous and she would win her Tony. Because it was all she had left.

The annoyed look Miss Ferguson was giving her made clear to Rachel that her teacher had heard just how near to cracking her voice was. And a professional's voice didn't crack, ever. So she stopped and closed her eyes to center herself. _"You can do it Rachel…because one day you'll be a tony's winner star… you'll be on Broadway and you'll sing in front of hundreds of people, and no one and nothing can stop a star from singing…"_

So Rachel took a deep breath, boxed her sadness and her anger in a corner of her mind, and began to sing again. She didn't feel pretty and surely not gay.

_I feel pretty_

_Oh so pretty_

_I feel pretty and witty and gay_

It took all her concentration but now the song was technically perfect, gaining her a nod of approval from Miss Ferguson, even if she didn't feel the song, the lyrics, at all.

_And I pity_

_Any girl who isn't me today_

_I feel charming_

_Oh so charming_

_It's alarming how charming I feel_

_And so pretty_

_That I hardly can believe I'm real_

Rachel hit notes with her usual perfect pitch but the lack of emotions behind the words stole the depth she had given the song only the week before when she had sang part of it with Quinn. She had felt it then, lived the lyrics, and she knew the difference could be heard.

_I feel stunning_

_And entrancing_

_Feel like running and dancing for joy_

_For I'm loved_

_By a pretty wonderful boy_

Closing the song Rachel nodded back to her teacher, knowing that at least she had proved to herself and Miss Ferguson that she could sing even when she felt like curling in a ball and wait for the world to disappear. Not as well as every other day, but well enough if her Coach's words were any indication.

"Good work Rachel… I still can't believe just how much talented you're and what strides you have taken in this five years…"

"Thanks Miss Ferguson." Rachel managed a smile for the older woman, even if it was one of her fake show ones. She didn't feel like smiling even if she felt a faint amusement at realizing that Quinn's torture in freshman year had helped her to learn how deal with hurt and sadness and function despite them. _"That's good practice for my future…"_ She said firmly to herself.

"You are the most promising student I had had in the last decade. I'm proud of you."

There was something wistful in her tone that alarmed Rachel enough to distract her from her thoughts.

"Miss Ferguson?" She questioned apprehensively taking a step towards her. She had lost enough today, she didn't know if she could face something else, and she couldn't quite shake a sinking feeling at hearing that note in her coach's voice.

"Well, I hadn't planned to tell you this way… but I'm relocating to Boston in a month… I've been offered a good position there." The much taller woman explained regretfully. She had always been more than an head taller than her, and no matter how much Rachel had hoped to close the gap in the earlier years it hadn't happened.

"You're leaving Lima?" Rachel could feel her world beginning to crumble around her. She felt a lump forming in her throat and only years of practice made her able to talk. This really wasn't her day.

"Yes, and I'm sorry I have to leave someone talented like you… but alas…" The older woman sighed. "Obviously I have made enquiries on your behalf about other singing coaches."

Rachel tried to smile at this obvious sign of care from a person often described as Ice Queen from her students and fellows coaches alike. No matter how tough taskmaster Miss Ferguson had been in the years she had took lessons from her, the woman had always paid particular attention to her, even compared with other promising students. And Rachel had always felt special for it. But this special consideration didn't solve the current problem. In a month she wouldn't have a singing coach anymore, and in places like Lima the competent ones didn't exactly abound.

"Who are they?" Rachel asked warily, knowing that Shelby's name would be there, and hoping it wouldn't be the only one. Taking singing lessons from her wouldn't work, and Rachel knew it.

"Well the best are Miss Corcoran or Miss Winthrop, both of them have experience on Broadway and Miss Winthrop performed at the Met too."

"The Met? Really?"

The smaller singer was practically shaking with the relief. She could even muster up a bit of excitement at the news now that she knew she wouldn't lose the chance of having a professional coach to follow her. Mr Schue was a good singer but he wasn't much of a voice coach. It was clear in just how he sometimes assigned the songs in Glee. And maybe, just maybe, this would be end up being a good change. After all having sang at the Met, Miss Winthrop had to have excelled at opera. It was a new opportunity for Rachel. No one of her former teachers and coaches had ever had such an operatic background. And she desperately needed a something new to focus on to not think about Quinn.

"Yes, really." For the first time since she had known her Rachel saw Miss Ferguson laugh. She quickly sobered up, but Rachel couldn't help a genuine smile at the rare display of emotion. "She left New York for love…" Knowing her well, Rachel could hear the slight note of reproach in the older woman voice. She had always told her that professionals put their career before everything else, so it didn't surprise Rachel. It wasn't enough to curb her enthusiasm. Because Shelby was out as a coach but this other woman sounded even better than her birth mother. And in Lima it was hard to find better than Shelby. "However I spoke to her just yesterday… she said she is eager to hear you sing."

xxx

**Three years ago **

"Miss Ferguson?" Rachel asked leading the way, practically dragging Lucy with her.

Lucy wasn't exactly sure of how she found herself in this situation. A couple of weeks ago Rachel and her were talking about music and singers at the mall. It wasn't all that unusual. How that came down to her auditing to Rachel's voice teacher to see if she too could became a professional singer she didn't exactly know. Well she did know, Rachel had asked her if she would do it.

And Lucy hadn't resisted to the excitement and the happiness of the other girl at the simple idea. Rachel had been so excited to have someone to share her passion with she had practically begged Lucy to try it. It was then that Lucy had decided that if she could do or give something that made Rachel that happy she would always do it.

So Lucy had said yes, even if she hadn't ever really thought about singing, professionally or not. But now that she was in this studio she was asking herself if it really was that great of an idea.

"Yes Rachel, I'm here…"

The first thing Lucy took note of was just how tall the woman was. Lucy wasn't a short girl by any means, but this woman had to be somewhere around five foot ten. She was tall, willowy with a stern face and the air of someone who hated nonsense. It reminded Lucy more of the stereotype of the ruthless classic dance teacher than a singer. And the slightly skeptical look she gave her didn't make feel her any better. All in all it was enough to intimidated the hell out of Lucy.

"This is Lucy, my best friend." Rachel introduced the two, practically shaking with excitement. In the weeks she had known the little singer Lucy had discovered just how easily exited she was. And seeing this obvious happiness made her smile every single time. "Lucy, this is Miss Ferguson, my voice teacher and former Broadway performer."

Miss Ferguson studied the brunette girl, easily categorizing her as plain and unattractive but not ugly. "A pleasure Lucy." She welcomed her with a polite but reserved tone.

"Hello Miss Ferguson."

"So, if you didn't mind Miss Ferguson, I thought you could evaluate Lucy's voice."

The studios gaze became critical. Lucy had thought Miss Ferguson was intimidating before, she was wrong. Under that imperious gaze Lucy suddenly felt about two inches tall. Maybe something less. "Do you sing?"

"No Miss Ferguson, I never have."

"Any musical experience?"

"I took piano lessons." Uncomfortable, Lucy didn't add she had took them for years and she had even taken part in several small concerts. Lucy had took piano lessons for years when she was little just as Rachel had took voice lessons. The only difference was that Lucy had given it up when she started middle school.

"Alright, start with something simple… and we'll see."

Lucy proposed Taylor Swift's "our song". From the look on Miss Ferguson's face she didn't seem at all impressed with her choice, but she decided to ignore it. It wasn't like she had had much choice. She had known about this audition only two days ago, so her options had been limited. The fact that she already knew the song and had read it was simple to sing even for beginners had been enough for her.

Ideally Lucy would have preferred to sing something from Wicked, because she knew her friend liked it, but had choose to go with something simpler to not mess it up. Rachel was so excited about the possibility of having someone with whom sharing her passion, and Lucy didn't want to disappoint her.

So she started the music, took a deep breath and began to sing.

The next three minutes were the longest of her life.

She realized that singing was much different than playing the piano. Playing your hands where the most important things. You had to control them, make them move just the right way. She had always understood it. She supposed singing was the same. You just had to pay attention to your voice, your throat, instead of your hands. If it was the same, it was harder, because Lucy couldn't figure it out. She felt her voice waver and break in several places that just this morning had been perfect. Part of it was simply lack of control, of exercise, a bigger part was nerves. Because singing was different that playing the piano even in the position one took before the audience.

She was stuck in front of her friend and her voice teacher, facing them directly, instead than having the audience to your right like with the piano. And Lucy found out the hard way just how much more nerve wrecking that was. They were looking at her judging her, how she looked, how she moved and not only the music she was singing.

So Lucy stood there without knowing what to do with her hands, that were impotently twitching at her sides, seeing the cringes on both Rachel's and Miss Ferguson's faces at several points. The obvious disapproval in the older woman's expression made her stumble in more than one place, even if she knew the words, effectively making her performance hesitant and awkward.

When the song came to an end Lucy was just happy it was over.

The blessed silence didn't last. "I'll be honest with you. You don't have loudness, I just about heard you and you were in front of me, less than three feet away." At Lucy's confused look Miss Ferguson went on. "You aren't powerful. And that's something that one can't teach. And you often go above the proper pitch, in short you are sharp. This without addressing your various stumbles along the song and your show presence, that is just abysmal. Personally I strongly doubt you could ever sing professionally… you just aren't powerful enough… and you aren't a natural… maybe you could be a good amateur… but then taking lesson over it doesn't really make senses… at least not at my level…"

Lucy nodded trying to not look as defeated like she felt. She knew it wasn't a good performance, but from Miss Ferguson's words it had to be epically bad. She threw a look at Rachel, who was standing a bit on the side, trying to judge the only reaction that really mattered to her. Rachel was disappointed. When she realized she was looking at her Rachel tried to hide it but it had been painfully clear. Just how it was obvious that her smile was fake.

It just about crushed her. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews. Zoe you're right… Rachel isn't the only one who has things to make up for, in this story neither one is exactly innocent.**

**So, I promised you Brittana a couple of chapters ago. So in this chapter there is some groundwork for it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Chapter 7**

xxx

For the third time in the week Quinn and Santana were the last two in the Cheerios locker room. For the third time the head cheerleader could see a sad and lost look On the brunette's face.

Quinn had noticed the misery in Santana's eyes weeks before, but hadn't really done anything about it. As a rule she didn't go around asking why one was sad or hurting. Sometimes she made fun of it, but most of the time she just ignored it, too worried that speaking about something like that would awake her own sadness. But if this friendship thing between them had to really work they had to start from somewhere. _"And God only knows just what lengths we both went to not think, let alone speak, about our feelings before…"_ So Quinn sat down in front of Santana waiting for the brunette to look up at her before speaking.

"So, are you finally tired of your charade?"

"What charade?"

Santana asked trying for nonchalance, like her defensive tone hadn't already got her away. Quinn didn't roll her eyes at her friend's obvious lie only because of the seriousness of the topic.

"The mock love story between you and Karofsky."

"What do you mean? I'm dating Karofsky, Q.

"Please S. You don't even call him by name. When you are together you sit next to each other, but never _near_ the other. You never search him out, you just stumble into him here and there. And you are someone who goes and gets what she wants, S not one who waits around and lets things happen… I could go on, but it doesn't really matter. Whenever you're up to drop the charade let me know."

Santana dropped her head in her hands. "You don't understand Q." Come out the muffled reply, full of misery and fear. Quinn felt her heart go out to her friend. Santana was in pain and she hadn't reached out to help her. And the sad thing was that Santana hadn't even expected her to do it. They friendship was really fucked up.

"I don't understand what, S?" Quinn asked softly. "That you're in love with B?

Santana's head shot back up at the nonchalant way Quinn had just revealed her most guarded secret. It took her some time to make her jaw work enough to ask. "How?"

"Really, S? The real question should be how nobody else made two plus two." Santana just looked at her obviously not quite ready to believe she had been so obvious. So Quinn went on, helpfully counting on her fingers as she spoke. "One, you never really hid that you had sex with B. Two, you always sat near each other. Never noticed how everyone always left two adjacent chairs for you? Three, you searched out for her constantly even when you knew she wasn't around. You still do by the way… as for the love thing…" Quinn voice went soft at this last part. "Once I looked at my best friend exactly like you look at Britt."

"And then?" Santana didn't even really mind she sounded just a bit desperate. This revelation about Quinn was sudden and unexpected but maybe it also meant she wasn't the only one. That what she felt for Brittany was not so strange. "What happened with your best friend?"

Quinn half smiled and reassured her friend.

"And then she became my girlfriend Santana."

"Really?"

"Really." There wasn't really a reason to tell Santana that after Rachel had broken her hearth in pieces so little she doubted she would ever get them all back in the right places. _"Maybe it'll be different for her… God I hope so… after all Britt is different from Rachel… she wouldn't hurt someone just because it could hindrance the realization of her dream. Britt isn't like that…"_

While she was distracted Santana had had enough time to get over her shock of finding out that her ultra Christian who had been president of the Celibacy club, and girlfriend of boys who could be the double as the ideal all American boys, had been with a girl. It was mind blowing. And it sure as hell explained why Quinn had never hadn't ever been fazed by seeing her and Brittany make out. Santana remembered she had been surprised by Quinn's lack of reaction the first time she had caught them kissing.

"So you knew from the beginning and you didn't use it against me."

In the past there had surely been several times when they had tried to hurt the other for a reason on another. To gain something generally. To feel better about themselves sometimes.

"No I didn't."

"Why?"

Maybe it wasn't the most important thing but Santana needed to know why Quinn hadn't said anything. Or maybe it was important, because it could mean their friendship had been important to both of them all along. That she wasn't the only one to care.

Quinn shrugged. "I think it was the same reason you didn't tell about my pregnancy."

Santana nodded, now knowing she had done the right thing choosing to give their friendship another chance. Apparently they had both played the game by the same rules. Ruin your life at school? Sure, no problem. Ruin your life? No.

"Thanks." There was much behind that single word.

They just sat there for a while not really doing anything but thinking. For the first time in a long while the silence between them was perfectly comfortable.

"Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure the Coach wouldn't say anything about it. And you know what it means."

Santana nodded. She knew it meant that at school it would be alright with professors and students alike. Sue's approval meant that much. "How do you know?"

"Aside from the fact that Coach has more than once practically walked in B and you making out and never said anything?" Quinn laughed at Santana's blush. "Two of the last year seniors were in a relationship."

This was news for Santana. She had never noticed. "So she wouldn't care?" Santana knew she was fishing for reassurance but she needed it enough to ignore her pride.

And from Quinn's sweet smile she wasn't about to be cut at her knees for it. _"Maybe this friendship thing can really work for us… it sure feels different talking to Q now…" _The brunette had to admit they behaved differently toward each other.

Quinn, well Quinn seemed much more comfortable in her own skin and it meant she let out her kind and sweet side much more than before. She had even changed how she dressed around her home. The last time Santana and Brittany had been over she had worn faded jeans and comfortable shirts and looked comfortable in them. And Santana had realized it was the first time ever she saw Quinn really comfortable in something. The difference it made in her blonde friend was shocking.

Santana liked Quinn's new attitude, very much so, so she had reciprocated toning down her own bitching. It had been an easy thing to do now that it didn't feel like they were in some sort of endless cold war anymore.

"Well, maybe she'd be disappointed that you can actually feel a pathetic emotion like love…" Santana couldn't help a snort of laugh at that. "…but that aside she wouldn't care." Quinn let pass several minutes before speaking again in the same soft, caring tone as before. "You good now?"

"Yeah, I'm good now. Thanks Q."

"Perfect." Quinn got her gym bag and got up. She was about to reach the door when a question halted her.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"How did it end? With your girlfriend?"

Quinn stood there looking at the door, thinking. She had hoped Santana wouldn't ask, at least not today. It would have given her the time to think about what to say. How to explain and how much to tell.

But Santana had asked, leaving that option out. So, now she could ignore the question and just walk out or try to answer it. _"I never told anyone about it…"_ Just thinking of ever saying those words out loud made her a little sick. She swallowed. _"…but maybe I just should tell her because sure as hell not talking about it didn't make it go away…"_

The silence stretched out but Santana just waited patiently, easily understanding that whatever the answer was it wasn't a easy one for Quinn. Her friend stood frozen, her shoulders slightly hunched. Santana would give her right arm to see Quinn's eyes now. As a rule her hazel eyes were the only things that gave away how Quinn really felt about something. But she didn't dare to get up or speak again, fearing it would make Quinn shutting down.

"She broke up with me, Santana." The blonde began at last, still looking at the door, not brave enough to turn to face her friend. She swallowed again. It hurt saying this and with the words came the old shame of not measuring up. "Apparently I just wasn't good enough, not even for just being seen with her."

"WHAT?" Santana blurted out not really believing what she was hearing. "That's bullshit Q! Look at you… who the hell you dated? The love child of Angelina Jolie and Sharon Stone?"

It was Quinn's turn to snort a laugh even feeling the tears gathering at the corner's of her eyes. Santana's outrage made her feel better even if that rejection still hurt in places that nobody but Rachel had ever reached. "It doesn't matter S. She is really better than me. Always was."

Santana's scowl could practically be heard in her growled words. "I don't care how good she is. You _are_ good enough!"

"Don't worry about it S." The blonde tone was sure but quiet. Just stating true facts. "It's the story of my life." She sounded more tired than sad now. "I can be as good as I can, always striving for more, but in the end I'm never quite good enough for anyone…" _"Not for Rachel, not for my father, not for Finn…" _She swallowed again and blinked back the tears. "…see you, S."

Quinn left the locker room without waiting for a reply.

xxx

**Three years ago**

Lucy ended the song, anxiously waiting for the judgment. After the experience in Lima's studio she was really unsure about this idea of singing. But it was a big part of Rachel's life and she loved it. Seeing the disappointment on her friend's face last Saturday had all but killed her. So once at home she had talked with her parents and asked them if she could maybe take some singing lessons along with ballet. They, her father really, had been overjoyed at her new _"really ladylike"_ interest. Her mother had just shrugged her shoulder. So here she was, praying that this vocal coach would judge her good enough to teach her.

"You're not too bad." Elizabeth, the coach, had introduced herself with her first name and asked her to call just that. It had surprised Lucy especially after Miss Ferguson's formality. And it hadn't been the only thing to surprise her. The woman was beautiful, elegant, almost regal. And blonde, just like she was. And for the first time Lucy began to question what the other kids told at school about all the blondes being dumb and ungraceful, just like her. It was the reason she had dyed her hair. "From what you said I thought you were completely tone deaf or something."

"So I can get good at this?" Lucy pressed to be sure they were on the same page.

"You already are good Lucy." Elizabeth didn't really like that tone of voice in a young girl. It sounded like someone was putting excessive pressure on the brunette. And she didn't like that at all. "Way better than average really."

"But I can get better?" Lucy stressed again. It didn't matter how good she was now, it wasn't good enough.

"Sure, you can get better." The tall blonde woman quirked a single eyebrow at the question but mostly at the anxious tone behind it. The woman didn't like the almost fear she could see in Lucy's stance. Something was wrong in this girl's life and it wasn't her voice. Someone, somewhere, had savagely chipped away Lucy's self-confidence, leaving an insecure little girl behind. Still she was standing here, trying even when she was evidently uncomfortable. It made Elizabeth hope that whatever was the damage she could help Lucy to overcame it. Because it had been glaringly clear that the bigger problems Lucy had with singing were about the lack of self-worth. The girl was scared out of her mind to be the focus of anyone's attention. "But why do you want to get better?"

"I want to surprise my best friend at her birthday." Lucy revealed blushing hotly. "I want to sing for her and I'm not good enough now."

"She can sing better than you?"

Elizabeth inquired delicately already feeling better about the situation, whatever else this girl was here because she wanted to be. She could work with that. And Lucy's reason wasn't all that strange. Sure most of the people who took singing lessons did so because they liked music, or because they parents made them. But learning to sing better to surprise a friend wasn't a bad reason. And she suspected that this friend was really important to Lucy. _"nobody wants to look bad at the eyes of someone who matters to them..." _

Lucy nodded forcefully. "Way better. She wants to be a singer and she has been taking lessons for years."

"Alright, we can do that." Elizabeth reassured the nervous teenager with a smile now that she understood where Lucy was coming from. After all in her experience who loved to sing was a bit of a snob about it. _"Like me for example…"_ She admitted wryly. The sole thought of hearing an amateur try to sing at her make her cringe a bit.

"Really?" Lucy asked relieved that somebody thought she could do it. Rachel's voice coach hadn't been that supportive when she had asked.

"Really." She said smiling, trying to put her new student at ease. "You have room for improvement, a lot of improvement. Sure, you're sharp here and there, you sometimes can't reach the right note, but that's normal because you aren't trained. I think you have the raw talent and you seems serious enough about working on it." Elizabeth already knew that it really would all come down to teach to the girl to be comfortable in the spotlight, to believe in herself.

"But I don't have a powerful voice…"

"Let me guess. Your friend does?"

"Yeah... her coach said I just wasn't powerful enough… and that can't be taught…"

Elizabeth had suspected something like that. She sighed internally. At least it explained the almost overwhelming fear the girl had of singing coaches. Elizabeth really didn't like the teachers who only taught to potentially grammy or tony awards winners, it didn't made sense to her. "So?" She asked smiling. "Maybe you won't ever be a powerhouse like her, but in music there isn't always a need for powerful voices, you know? And thank God for that, can you image if every single singer had the same voice, the same power and the same range?" She could see Lucy beginning to relax. "Not every voice is glamorous as a soprano but it doesn't mean it doesn't matter. So when do you want to start?"

"Now?" Lucy asked with an half smile, beginning to really like the woman. She wasn't intimidating.

Elizabeth smiled seeing that her student had finally relaxed enough to smile. "Good answer… so first of all you have to…"

xxx

"Alright guys, that's all for today. See you tomorrow."

Like always the choir room emptied quickly once glee practice was over. For many of its members it was the last activity of the day, and no matter how fun, few things could balance against the "school is over" mentality.

Rachel was the only one to not pack her things up to leave. It wasn't unusual. Everybody knew she liked to stay behind and talk with Mr Shue about next glee's songs. What nobody knew was that it wasn't the real reason she did it. At least it hadn't been at the beginning. At first Rachel had done it to wait for the school to empty so that the risk of running into a jock or a cheerleader would lower sensibly, and with them the chance of a slushy shower. With time it had become more an habit than a necessity.

As was her habit Rachel sat back in her chair and watched the others leave, not even trying to hide her interested look. She had always liked watching people, studying their behaviors, even if often watching others have what she had only dreamed about had left her with a bittersweet feeling.

Watching the motley group that made up Glee Club had always been interesting. Rachel had found out early on that it was after the rehearsals that one could really see just whom really was friend with whom or whom had had a fall out with whom. What relationships were still going strong and those that were on the rocks.

Rachel had to admit that their Glee Club was choke full of drama. She chalked it up to being teenagers with strong personalities in a town with little to do.

Today Finn and Sam left together but the fact they weren't speaking made clear it was just a random thing. They were teammates, both in football and Glee, but not friends. Rachel had always speculated it was because they both were quarterbacks, it had to create some sort of rivalry. Puck left with Lauren, their relationship still going strong even with the spreading rumors that Puckerman was going soft. They were a strange couple, really strange, but apparently they worked out. Tina and Mike left with Kurt and Mercedes, but a step or two behind them, more interested in each other that in whatever they friend were talking about. Artie followed close, once in a while looking back at his girlfriend with a longing and what Rachel thought could be a bit of resentment. He probably felt neglected since in the last days Brittany hadn't been glued to his side anymore. She had spent most of her time with Quinn and Santana, like she was doing now.

The unholy trinity was still near their chairs, talking, as always clad in their striking red uniforms. They were practically inseparable those days. They seemed even closer than before, even if Rachel could see some sort of tension between Santana and Brittany. In the last weeks they had spoken much less they did in the past. Rachel easily saw just how tentative they were around the other. They had even begun to sat separately, both at lunch and in class or glee. At least before Quinn got all them back on the Cheerios.

And then her eyes fell on Quinn like they had done often in the last week. She was smiling, that sweet soft smile Rachel knew meant she really meant it. "Dinner at my house tonight?"

"Sure, Q." The matter of fact tone with which Santana agreed told Rachel it wasn't the first time the blonde extended the invite. Strange, since the little singer had once overheard Santana say she had practically never set foot in Quinn's house.

"I'll bring the movie," Brittany piped up, gathering her things. "San promised me we could see Finding Nemo again. It's almost a month since we saw it last… way longer with you, Q…"

"If S promised, we'll see it." Quinn assured the other blonde once more with a fond smile. It was easy for Rachel to see that Quinn had changed. She was calm, almost always kind, like she had been during the pregnancy but she was centered and self-assured too, more stronger. Nobody would ever make the mistake to think she had gone soft. She had quickly dealt with everybody who dared challenge her, and apparently effortlessly assumed once more the role of the Head Bitch in Charge. She just was less angry, less sad, more at peace with herself. It suited her, Rachel decided. "Won't we, S?"

"Alright." Santana agreed good naturally smiling a bit to Brittany. Rachel was happy to see that whatever was wrong between the two of them had seemed to get better with the .

"You know what, B? You always remind me of Dory…"

"I know! S thinks so too… I think you're like Gill and she is just like…"

Quinn smiled and nodded, laughing at Santana's crumbling about being the cool Crush and not Marlin. Rachel smiled at the scene.

This was like she had always imagined having long time friends to hang out with almost every day.

Watching Quinn leaving the room with her friends Rachel suddenly realized she had missed her. And she hadn't missed only her old best friend, she had missed Quinn too.

This change had left an hole in Rachel's life. An unexpected hole that made Rachel realize that even if they hadn't been quite friends they had been more than acquaintance and team mates. Looking back the brunette had realized that in the last months they had talked often, just the two of them. Sometimes Quinn would stay back after glee or they would meet early in the morning before first hour. Usually it was only a greeting in passing, but once in a while the spoke about this or that. Rachel hadn't really noticed their little interactions before they stopped. They had never been about big things but now that they weren't there anymore Rachel found out she missed them. She missed seeing the rare smiles that reached the hazel eyes, or hearing a warmer than usual tone in Quinn's voice.

With an effort Rachel imposed herself to not think about Quinn, other, more important, things required her attention. Like finding out if Miss Winthrop was any good.

Rachel got up when Mr Shue and her were the only two left in the choir room. It wasn't like she had to hurry to not miss him. The man was always the last to come and the last to leave. And it wasn't because he was dedicated, it was because he was disorganized, like Rachel could see from his desperate searching for an elusive something around his briefcase.

Sometimes Rachel asked herself just how Miss Pillsbury could stand him. She cleared her throat. "Mr Shue?"

"Yes Rachel?" He replied absently, still searching around in his briefcase.

"Have you ever heard of Miss Winthrop? She is a voice teacher." Rachel didn't always agree with his ideas, alright, she often didn't agree, but he still was one of the few who really knew about music in this town so his opinion was worth asking.

"Winthrop… Winthrop… yes… she worked in a little city not far from here before relocating some time ago. I think I met her a few years ago, when I was teaching in another school. I only heard good things about her… I know she has had a successful, if short, carrier. Why? Are you thinking about leaving Jackie Ferguson?"

He had met the woman several times and knew she was a very good teacher, who always steered her best students to put their careers first. Much like Rachel was. It was a good fit between them. So it was strange for Rachel to ask about another teacher.

"No, she has been offered a job in Boston… so she is leaving…"

"Oh, I understand…" Seeing the sadness in Rachel's eyes Will decided to close this conversation in an cheerful note. "…well, Miss Winthrop is really good, Rachel… and I'm sure Miss Ferguson made inquiries on your behalf…"

"Thanks Mr Shue." Rachel said firmly to stop what would surely be a long winded optimistic speech about the new chances this change would offer her. She didn't want to hear it. Knowing that Miss Winthrop had a good, solid, reputation was enough for her.

"You're welcome."

Rachel left Mr Shue to his search, apparently whatever he was after was pretty elusive _"…or maybe it isn't in that briefcase at all…"_ After all he still hadn't found it after almost five minutes of intense search.

She had just walked out the choir room when she practically slammed into Finn. Their different weight and build meant the collision, at least for Rachel, hurt.

"Finn!" She cried rubbing her nose. Luckily it didn't seem broken only bruised.

"Sorry about that Rachel." The boy said, helping her to pick up her books. "I was waiting for you…"

"For me?"

Lately they hadn't spent all that time together. He had been working hard with the football team and spent what other time he had with Quinn. He had essentially avoided her and their friendship had been hurt by it.

All their contact lately had been reduced to Rachel catching him staring at her in during rehearsals. At first it had been cute, and had let Rachel hope for their relationship. But when Finn hadn't done anything about it, choosing to keep dating Quinn even when it was clear he still had unresolved feelings for her, if the glances were any clue, she had just felt frustrated. She didn't like indecisive people.

And Finn had make the situation worse not being subtle at all about it. More than once Rachel had seen Quinn catch those same glances and the look of anger on her face had always sent shivers down Rachel's back. The days when the blonde had treated like an inconvenient thing at best and taunted her the rest of the time were still very clear in Rachel's mind.

Finn's glances had become longer and more insistent the more Rachel ignored them. The only thing had had changed was Quinn reaction to it. Now Rachel could see the hurt in the blonde eyes at seeing her boyfriend looking at another girl.

Rachel had asked herself more than once if the hurt had always been there and she had just been blind to it, because it had been Quinn. And Quinn wasn't hurt by anything, she just soldiered on, everybody knew it. And Rachel was finally beginning to believe that everybody was wrong.

"Yeah, have you heard about Puck's party?"

"No, not really…" What Rachel meant was, _"yes, I know all about it but nobody invited me to it, nor talked of it to me... they just talked about it with me around…"_

"Well, what do you think about going with me?"

"Are you asking me out Finn?" Rachel frowned. Rachel hadn't really had thought about him or tried to speak or spend time with him lately. She had been too busy with others thing like trying to grasp the fact that her best friend had been the bane of her existence for the last three years and find a way to get her back.

"Yeah, yeah I believe I'm…" He stared at her, waiting for her answer, with his sweet smile and an hopeful glance.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship Finn, not after how we broke up, and not so soon after Quinn." Rachel could see he took it to mean she didn't want to be just a rebound. It wasn't how she meant it but she let it go, not wanting to explain the real reason.

"Ah, well… then what if we go as friends?" He offered, shuffling uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Apparently he had expect for her to just say yes.

"Friends?"

"Yeah, I know we didn't spent much time together lately so we can just… hang together… get to know each other again?"

He added, like he was searching for the right answer. Rachel didn't really notice, focused more on the fact that a friend had searched her out to ask her to do something. She wasn't as alone as she had been before Glee club, but she wasn't a social butterfly by any means. Many of the glee club members talked to her, ate with her but they didn't really hang out with her out of school. And she wanted to go to Puck's party, she wanted to have fun and be one of the normal girls. Maybe going out, having a good time, would even help her deal with the whole Lucy situation.

"I missed my friend…" She admitted. And she had, she really liked him as a person, always had. "Alright, I'll come, as a friend." Still Rachel couldn't quite silence the little voice in the back of her mind that told her it wasn't a good idea no matter whatever Quinn had told or sang to her.

"Great."

xxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the reviews. I'm really happy to know you all are enjoying this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

xxx

**Chapter 8**

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They were beginning to shape up. It had took a couple of weeks of intense training but the Cheerios were back to their usual level of excellence. Quinn smiled watching the team ending the routine they would perform at nationals without any mistake. There were still some imperfections here and there but they had ample time to work on them in the following weeks.

Quinn knew the poor shape she had found the Cheerios in hadn't been only because of a lack of preparation, or the shifting of roles their absence had caused, but of low morale too. After all they were a winning team, and losing unexpectedly at the regionals had effectively killed all the drive they had.

Quinn had talked about the team's lack of drive with Santana and Brittany and they had developed a plan about it. She, with Santana, would bully and threaten the other girls, until they were back to top shape, if only because of the fear of the two of them. Then the three of them would make them realize how good it was to be on the winning team and just how protective both Santana and Quinn were of what was theirs.

The perfect situation to show the difference that having the unholy trinity back to lead them made had happened only the week before. Amanda, one of the freshmen on the team, had been cornered by a too interested Hockey player.

_Amanda was tiny, no other way to describe her, she was one of the Cheerios' flyers, and the six two player dwarfed her by more than a foot. The scene had already started to gather a crowd of people excited to see the effects of Cheerios' fall from grace. For the ones that had been bullied by the Cheerios in the past it was about retribution, for the others it was just funny._

"_You know it's the only way for you to remain popular…" Gary heard several snickers from behind him and it only made him more daring. He boxed the Cheerios between his arms and body effectively pinning her to the wall. Amanda just kept shaking her head, desperately searching for help with her gaze. Everybody just looked on for the most part with glee in their eyes. It was clear help wouldn't come from any of them. And suddenly Amanda felt alone and truly scared. "Just say yes…"_

_Gary didn't get to finish._

_From one moment to the other he found himself kneeling, an arm choking him and a foot still pressing on the inside of his knee. Instinctively he grasped the arm around his throat trying to dislodge it and free himself. He struggled uselessly for a minute before realizing that whoever was immobilizing him wouldn't give. It was then he saw Quinn Fabray had just appeared before him._

_Quinn just stood there, much more imposing at her five foot six now that he was kneeling. She had an ominous slushy cup in her hand, a smirk on her lips and a cold look in her hazel eyes. Behind her Gary could see a trembling Amanda securely wrapped in Brittany's arms. The taller blond was glaring at him too, even while whispering soothingly to Amanda._

_Gary gulped. Or tried to. This thing had just gone from bad to worse._

"_That's not how it is done Gary…" Quinn scolded him, making his eyes snap back to her. She looked every inch the Head Bitch in Charge and despite himself Gary felt intimidated by her. "You get flowers to the girls… and chocolate… and if a Cheerios says no… it's __no, _loser_…" Quinn said clearly, making clear she was speaking to all presents, then she emptied the slushy on his head to underline it._

_In the fearful silence suddenly fallen in the hallway, Quinn turned slowly meeting as many gazes as she could. She could hear Gary splutter behind her and she smirked cruelly amused by it. Gary had always been almost rude to her and he had threatened and insulted her during her pregnancy. Quinn hadn't ever forgot. Her smirk only grow at seeing just how many people turned down their eyes when she met their gazes. They really were just sheep._

"_I'll get you for it…" Gary seethed from his still kneeling position once more struggling against the hold. It didn't give and after a while he stopped moving, panting, tired from the useless exertion. Quinn limited herself to raising her eyebrow clearly unimpressed. But it was the voice in his ear that made Gary's blood turn ice._

"_You and what army, buddy?" The mocking retort came when it was clear that he couldn't break the hold. It was then that Gary realized that the one immobilizing him was Santana, and the embarrassment made him blush a red so dark that he was glad for the slushy since it covered it somewhat._

"_I'll report you, you attacked me without reason…" He whispered angrily at Santana knowing that saying it out loud would only damage his reputation more. Nobody liked a snitch._

"_Yeah?" She whispered back. And Gary found out that a whispering Santana was scarier than a screaming one. "Who do you think the principal will believe, a__ loser __or _us_… and everybody in this hallway?"_

_It took Gary only a second to see how quickly the humor in the hallways had changed. The same people who would have sworn he hadn't done anything wrong not five minutes ago would now say he had begun it._

"_Remember the pecking order boy…" Quinn tone was cold and hard and Gary didn't feel the least inclination to challenge her. He didn't know how it was possible but of the two of them Quinn was the most scary, she had that look in her eyes that just told "don't fuck with me." loud and clear. And if Santana, her second, could hold him down, he really didn't want to cross her. "The Cheerios are on top… I don't want to repeat it. Clear?"_

_It took a bit of added pressure from Santana's arm before he vocalized his assent._

"_Cristal."He grunted out._

_At Quinn's sign to Santana released him. _

"_Brought down by a girl…" She commented idly, cleaning the specks of slushy on her sleeve on his shirt. He seethed but didn't say anything at this last humiliation. Gary could heard the snickers again, but this time he was the laughing stock. And from this side it wasn't as funny. He prayed for the floor to swallow him. "You really _are _a loser…" The latina threw over her shoulder._

_Gary saw the four of them walk away and with them his popularity._

_With the unholy trinity formed up to protect her Amanda finally felt the last shivers of fear shaking her disappear. Brittany squeezed her hand one last time then let it go, smiling at her. Amanda smiled back._

"_You ok?" Quinn asked softly._

"_Yeah, thanks…"_

"_It was nothing." Quinn brushed off._

_Amanda nodded but she was grateful for their intervention. Being cornered by someone as big as Gary was scary. Absent-mindedly she watched how the crowd parted before her saviors. And for the first time since the regionals she felt secure and once more at the top of the food chain._

_And for the first time Amanda was glad the unholy trinity had come back. It didn't matter that Quinn had chewed her out in this morning practice or made her sweat blood on a daily basis. Not if this was the result._

After that little show of force the Cheerios' mood had changed dramatically. They had gone back to strut down the hallways and give one hundred percent at practice. Their drive was back and the fear they had of the unholy trinity had gone back to be respect.

Now Quinn was only waiting for the coach to tell her she had finally found a way to make the Cheerios compete at Nationals. Having seen the calculating, but satisfied, look in Sue eyes yesterday, when they had made the point about the readiness of the team, it shouldn't been too long.

"Good work! Alright girls, it's shower time."

Quinn chuckled at seeing the speed at which the field emptied. She had ended the practice ten minutes before the usual, and apparently nobody wanted to stick around in case she changed her mind. She picked up her towel and her bottle of water and began to make her way to the lockers at a more sedated pace. She was the captain and it was only right to give her girls some time to talk and diss her without fear of being overheard.

"So, Puck's organizing a party…" Santana had been the only one to not rush to the shower, preferring to fall in step with Quinn. As her second it was expected, one couldn't very well talk bad about the captain with her right hand just there, but lately they hang back to have a chance to talk.

"Let me guess… pre prom party…" Quinn guessed wiping away the sweat with her towel. Cheerios practices were though on everyone.

"Yeah, he is a little bit predictable that way…" Santana smirked taking a gulp of water from her bottle. The guy was really that predictable about the themes of his parties. But making fun of Puck's manias wasn't the reason she had asked about it to Quinn, she wanted to check how Quinn felt about going to one. More than once in the last year she had seen the blonde tense or sad at one of the parties. Not surprising seeing what had happened with Beth. Santana suspected she had gone only because Sam or Finn had wanted to. And to the latina it only spoke of insensibility on the boys part. "You going?"

"Yeah…"

Santana studied her friend for a long moment. She didn't seem overly excited about it, but the latina had rarely seen Quinn excited about a party. Apparently they had gotten old fast for the head cheerleader. She had fun at them but she didn't live for parties, she never had. "Finnocence could be there…" Santana prompted her friend once again just to see if she really was ok about it and all that could happen at the party. And it was a Puck's party. Something _would _happen, and generally speaking Quinn always got the short straw when it did.

"I left him, S… not the other way around…"

"… maybe with the dwarf…."

Santana had seen how the idiot looked at Rachel these last days. At least before he had tried to hide it. Badly, awfully so, but he had tried. It had to sting Quinn to see him change girl so fast. But she asked for another reason as well. There always been a certain tension between the dwarf and her captain. She had dismissed it for a long time as just intense dislike on Quinn's part, even if all the pieces didn't quite fit. Quinn ignored people she disliked, and she had never quite managed that with Rachel. _"In her defense, one had to say that ignoring Berry is fucking hard…"_ But after what the blonde had told her in the locker room Santana had begun to ask herself if maybe Quinn wasn't attracted to the little singer and found that hiding it has dislike was just easier.

And seeing how Quinn stopped cold at her words maybe she hadn't been wrong.

"You _like_ her…" Santana blurted out shocked, stopping too and turning to face the blonde.

It was strange seeing Quinn changing from her sure and determined self, the captain in charge, whose sheer presence was enough to make football players shrink back, to vulnerable, almost fragile girl.

Quinn sighed, nervously passing an hand through her hair, messing her ponytail beyond all repair.

"It's not that…" Santana could see the pain in the hazel eyes that were looking at everything but her and sudden the tension in Quinn's frame, like she was reading herself to take a blow. "Do you really want to know? It's something important to me, S… pretty important… and I…"

"Is this about your ex-girlfriend?" Santana asked softly, having seen her friend so upset only when talking about her ex and Beth. Quinn nodded jerkily. "…it's ok Q… really… you can tell me… you can trust me…" The latina searched and held the blonde's gaze, willing Quinn to see she was telling the truth. Quinn nodded but didn't say anything. "Whatever it is, you can tell me…"

They started to walk again, this time aimlessly. They just strolled in silence for a while, long enough to make Santana believe Quinn wouldn't talk.

"Rachel is my ex-girlfriend…"

Santana practically tripped on her own feet at this, catching her balance just in time to avoid crashing face first on the ground. It was a close thing, but her mind was on Quinn's words more than on her near crash.

"What? The dwarf?" Santana blurted out again. This just wasn't her day for finesse.

"Man hands, Rupaul, the dwarf… yeah…"

"You and the dwarf…" Santana repeated trying to grasp this.

"Yeah, Rachel and me…" Quinn confirmed with an humorless smile, adding the missing piece to make Santana understand. "…well Rachel and Lucy…"

And suddenly Santana got it. "I'm _so_ sorry Q…"

She knew of Quinn's past life as a loser, Lauren had made sure anybody knew about it. Santana had seen the photo. And suddenly Quinn's words in the locker room about the reason her girlfriend had broken up with her made a sick sense. She could see Rachel saying that to Lucy. It cleared up other things too. "So this is the reason…"

"It's the reason every time she talked to me I was rude and insulted her. Why I never gave her the time of the day. The reason I never could be her friend even if she helped me out when I was pregnant. I just want her to stay away from me but she keeps trying to be my friend. It drives me crazy. And it's so damned like Rachel it's fucking unbelievable. Because if she decides she has to do something she'll do it no matter what everybody else tell her." Quinn added with a bittersweet smile.

Santana studied her friend for a moment and then amended her earlier words. "You don't like her, you still _love_ her…" Because all the swirling emotions in Quinn's eyes couldn't really be explained any other way.

Quinn began to walk again and Santana followed her, quickly looking around to make sure they really were alone. What they were talking about was private and it was clear the blonde was too lost in her thoughts to make sure of it.

"Yes, and this only add another layer of _fucked up_ to this situation." Quinn said softly after a little while. "Even during the freshman year I missed her, you know? But I was still so angry at her, at what she had done. I tried to hate her and at first I was angry enough to even believe it some days. Once I even went as far as throw a slushy to her just to prove to myself I was over her…" Quinn shook her head, even now not really believing what she had done, but she had been that desperate. "It didn't work. For a moment it felt good, I had finally took revenge, I had humiliated her like she had done to me. But after I just felt empty, and sad. And with sophomore year… with sophomore year it all got even more complicated."

The blonde closed her eyes for moment. It was hard to talk about last year.

"The start was the whole Finn thing. I spent whole nights awake asking myself just how could she be better than me when I was the head cheerleader and the most popular girl in the whole school. So I decided to just try for Glee, to see why she was still better than me. It was then I saw her again as a person and I remembered all the good things about her I had tried so hard to forget. Then the Coach decided we had to spy on Glee club, so I got stuck there." Quinn let out a bitter laugh. "And if that wasn't enough my life went to hell right after that. When the dust settled Glee was all I had. So I grasped to it, no matter Rachel... or maybe because of Rachel… and somewhere in the last year I fell for her again… or maybe I just loved her all along…"

"I'm sorry Q." Because there wasn't much else to say.

"Me too… but it doesn't matter… she loves Finn and I told her she could go for him…"

This time Quinn's nonchalant tone was clearly fake. Santana didn't believe her, but let it go. Broken hearts were painful enough without people poking at them. And it was painfully clear that this broken heart was still bleeding.

"You sure you want to go to the party?"

Santana asked very gently, now that she knew the situation. The tension was still on Quinn's face, but the pain had already vanished like it had never existed at all, and the brunette felt suddenly saddened at seeing how good her friend was to hide her pain. The explanation that followed drove home to Santana just how much Quinn suffered on daily basis without anyone really noticing it.

"I see her every day at school, I sing and dance with her several times a week… I'm used to it, S..." Quinn just shrugged like it was just a dull routine. And it was a routine but it didn't really make things easier. But Santana concern did, and the blonde felt warmed by it. "…but thanks for looking out for me…"

"You would do the same for me…"

They smiled at each other because now it was the truth.

xxx

**Three Years Ago**

"Dvd inside the reader." Rachel read from her list, then opened the dvd-reader. "Check… TV set ready…"

"Rachel, honey, you already checked everything four times… don't you think it's enough?" Leroy tried to delicately point out. It had been fun to see his daughter come up with check list to make sure everything was ready for her guest. Just like Hiram still did sometimes. Obsessive tendencies ran in the family, and he was used to it after twenty years. So Leroy had merely executed every task his husband or his daughter had assigned him, even if at times he felt like they were getting ready to invade a hostile country rather than having his daughter's friend at dinner.

It had been endearing seeing Rachel putting that much effort in preparing for a simple dinner and movie with a friend, and a little heartbreaking too. Neither his husband nor he had been blind to Rachel's difficulties to make friends, and both of them knew their relationship was partly at fault for this. But if it had been endearing at the beginning, Rachel's fretting was getting worrisome now. It was time to distract her and make her calm out enough to enjoy the night.

"My friend," Using this word sometimes it still felt strange to Rachel. Good but strange. "is coming to see a movie and everything needs to be perfect!"

"Rachel you already did all the right things to make it so." _"And about a thousand more you didn't need to..."_ Leroy reassured her. "You even planned what to do if the power goes out." It was only years of practice that made him able to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

"You found the flashlights and monopoly and put them in an easy accessible cabinet?" Rachel checked by reflex.

"Yes I did, I checked the batteries too… it'll be fine, darling…"

"You sure?"

Rachel asked with a small voice, her brown eyes pleading him for reassurance. Leroy felt his heart go out to her. He smiled softly. "I'm sure of it, Honey. And if there is a problem whatsoever your dad and me are here to help you. It'll be alright." Seeing his daughter was reassured Leroy decided it was time to change the topic and distract her from checking everything again. "Come on, your dad should have some snack ready by now, we can go and steal them…"

"Daddy! It's wrong! You'll ruin your dinner…"

"You sure? Because it's chip chocolate cookies…" He temped.

"Maybe one…"

Once in the kitchen Leroy had exchanged a glance with his husband, and with a nod of acknowledgment Hiram had served the cookies to Rachel asking her to sample them. That too had been planned. They sat around the breakfast table chatting about silly things trying to keep Rachel busy until her friend showed up.

The doorbell sounded half an hour, and four cookies, later. Leroy thanked every god there was that Lucy had been not only punctual but early too. It boded well for their night.

Rachel shot from the kitchen like she was training for the Olympics.

Leroy watched his daughter shot from the kitchen and turned to his husband, who was happily munching on cookie number five.

"So, you liked this Lucy?" He had already asked but he was her father and this was the first friend his daughter was bringing to dinner.

"I liked what I saw Leroy, but I met her for just a moment, when she walked Rachel back last week." Hiram told him once more, with an half exasperated sigh, eating the last bit of his cookie. "She is quiet…" He mused.

"Compared to Rachel?" Leroy asked amused.

"Well, yes…" Hiram admitted, straightening himself a bit. He had spent half the afternoon cooking and a last check up before really meeting his daughter best friend was a must. If Lucy was important to Rachel she was important to him.

"Dear, I believe that compared to Rachel everybody seems quiet…"

Leroy didn't finish the sentence seeing Rachel and Lucy make their way to the kitchen. It was the first time he saw his daughter's friend, so he discreetly studied her. The girl was taller than Rachel and bigger, even if her loose clothes made it hard to say how much, and seemed as nervous as Rachel was. A little bit intimidated too if he read her right. But then they were an unknown quantity, authority figures taller and bigger than her and going by what Rachel had said about her, Lucy was almost painfully shy at first. So he greeted her smiling without rising from his chair. "Hello Lucy."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Berry." Her smile was a bit nervous but it was there.

"It's Leroy." He corrected.

"And I have already said you can call me Hiram." Came the call from the stove. Apparently his husband had gone back to check if everything was ready. Again. Obsessive tendencies really run through the family.

"Are you sure?"

Lucy seemed tentative but not overly so. Polite more than shy.

"We are sure…" Leroy answered for the both of them. "Come on, sit down and try this cookies, they are vegan, but if you don't mind eating sand they're alright." He winked at Lucy, as the girl took the seat in front of his.

"Leroy!" Came the instant disapproval from his husband, followed by his daughter's.

"Daddy! Don't mind him, they're good Lucy…" Rachel reassured her friend.

Lucy just laughed, suddenly feeling at ease. "They can't be that bad…"

"You have never tried them…" Leroy replied ominously in a whisper and Lucy couldn't tell if he was joking or not. So she tried one, and found out that his description wasn't all that far from the truth. He shot her a sympathetic look and gave her a glass of water. Lucy shot him a grateful glance. The cookies really seemed compressed sand.

"They're good." The girl commented seeing Rachel was waiting for her opinion. "Different… but good." Lucy shot another look at Leroy who simply nodded at her answer.

"Come on, dinner is ready, with _meat_ in it for the carnivorous..." Hiram announced, playfully glaring at his husband.

It was different for Lucy to see a couple so playful and easygoing. Still it was better than the stifling formality in her own house, way better. They all sat down to the table with Hiram quickly serving the first course, lasagna. With relief Lucy noticed that Leroy's and hers plate were filled from a different tray than Rachel's and Hiram's. If the cookies were any clue she had just found out that vegan lifestyle wasn't for her.

"And after dinner we'll see Funny Girl! You'll see Lucy, it's simply fantastic! And there's Barbra in it... it's probably her best performance… even if in…"

Rachel enthusiasm was contagious and Lucy found herself smiling and nodding along with the rest of the table at the little singer's words.

xxx

**Ok, next time we'll see the pre prom party…**


	9. Chapter 9

**First, thanks to all of you kind enough to review.**

**So here there is the first of the two chapters dedicated to Puck's party... hope you like it…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

xxx

**Chapter 9**

xxx

To Quinn time seemed to go slow and fast at the same time. Some days it seemed it was only been hours since the whole "Lucy" had come out, others it seemed it had been months, if not years. In reality it had been a couple of weeks but much had changed with them. She was once again the head cheerleader, still the most popular girl in the school and the most probable next prom queen. But she had also broken up with Finn, begun to really work at her friendship with Santana, made serious plans to leave this city and go to college. And she still didn't talk to Rachel if not for glee practice or few casual words here or there. But she noticed her. Oh, how she noticed her.

Quinn hadn't ever been blind to Rachel but after their heated talks in the last weeks and all the feelings that had rushed back she had begun to really notice her once again. Like how she moved in the hallways, sure of herself but not enough to a let herself shine, trying to not attract unwanted attention. Rachel singing was once again one of the most beautiful thing she witnessed. The brunette still was as intense as always but suddenly Quinn could see again the passion and the happiness that singing brought to her.

Her life had changed but not as much as Quinn had believed it would. She sure as hell liked it better now. For the first time in years she felt whole and free, and it felt damned good.

Quinn had wanted to celebrate her new found, and surprising, happiness and Puck's party was the perfect place to have a good time, dance a little, drink something and generally be merry. She was dressed simply in black jeans, so tight to look painted on, and a sky-blue top. And from the looks she was gathering she looked hot in it.

Quinn strutted in the room, finding comfort in the familiarity of the lustful gazes, the noise of the crowd, the beat of the music.

"Hey Q." Santana greeted her from her place just to the side of the door .

"Hey back, S." Quinn nodded her greeting to Karofsky, mentally shaking her head at seeing Santana once again with Dave but stealing glances at Brittany, who was at the other end of the room perched in Artie's lap. But after their talk the latina had seemed to do better, she was more thoughtful than sad or angry. Quinn smiled at her friend and began to make the round of the party.

Finding out she was outgoing was one of the self-discoveries Quinn had had with high school and popularity. She had discovered she had been lonely not solitary like she had believed in middle school. She liked to talk with people, joking around with them and spend time in their company. She had also discovered she liked it only for a limited stretch of time, day in day out she preferred to be with an handful of people she really felt comfortable being herself with. She was still working on that part.

Quinn worked the room like she hadn't done in too much. She turned her charm on and went around to greet the popular crowd, paying special attention to the Cheerios. Just outside the kitchen she stumbled on Amanda who was laughing with a blonde boy, obviously an athlete given his muscular shoulders and lean body.

Quinn took the scene in and smiled. "So who is this?" He was familiar but she couldn't quite place him.

"Cory, swim team." The tall boy replied grinning at her with a sweet smile. He seemed to be a good guy.

"Good choice Amanda." Quinn winked at the girl who blushed and then went on.

An hour later Quinn found herself with a soda, well a rum and cola, in hand and a smile on her face. She spent some time with the glee members, laughed with some of them and danced to several songs. She was really having fun and for the first time in really a long while she felt impish. On a whim she decided to just go with it and she just knew what to do. It would be fun and it would help Santana and Brittany.

Smirking Quinn went to the stereo system, chose just the right songs for what she had in mind, caught the first jock that walked by and order him to keep an eye on it, and went searching for Brittany. As usual the taller girl was near the dance floor even if she was sitting on Artie's lap talking with him and their friends instead of dancing. It was never hard to find Brittany at a party when there was a dance floor.

"Dance with me?" Quinn asked already dragging the other blonde away from Artie, Tina and Mercedes without really acknowledging them. She was on a mission.

"Sure."

Brittany agreed with a smile and a shrug to the others, letting herself be dragged away. They reached the center of the makeshift dance floor just in time for the beginning of the song. Quinn nodded pleased that the jock she had stopped knew how to follow directions.

"Follow my lead?"

Quinn was smiling mischievously like Brittany hadn't seen in a long time. Brittany nodded, already knowing that whatever Quinn had in mind would be fun and probably start another legend regarding the head cheerleader and the unholy trinity. Her friend had that kind of look in her eyes. It was good to see happy, carefree Quinn back. Brittany had worried about her friend in the past months because Quinn had seemed distant, almost disinterested in her life, like she was just going through the motions without caring one way or the other.

Quickly falling into the beat Quinn began to dance provocatively to the notes of Hot Stuff, Brittany easily following her. In a matter of moments what they were doing resembled more vertical sex that anything else. Their bodies turned and swayed sensually to the beat, their hands running on each other bodies like lascivious caresses.

The dance floor emptied, the other dancers preferring to watch the show with the others rather than dancing themselves. In a matter of seconds almost all those present at the party were watching Quinn and Brittany dance. Noticing the looks Quinn smiled satisfied before stepping even closer to Brittany and dancing full out. The other blonde matched her move for move easily.

Soon a crowd surrounded the two girls and cat calls and wolf whistles began. Quinn ignored them and just kept dancing. It was fun even if she had to work hard to be on the same level as Brittany or at least close to it. Now that Brittany had understood what she had in mind it was her who lead, with Quinn merely following her as best as she could.

When the song ended it was followed by Tainted Love. The two blondes didn't stop the show but Quinn turned and walked sultrily to Santana.

Quinn had been aware that the brunette had joined the onlookers early on and if her face was anything to go by the latina was really enjoying the show, it was that easy to see the lust in the brunette's eyes. Apparently her plan to flush Santana out had been successful.

Without saying a word but looking at her with wicked smile and unmistakable mirth, Quinn dragged a startled Santana at the center of the make shift circle with them. The deer caught it the headlights look on the latina face's made Quinn laugh.

The shock didn't last. Soon the brunette started to sway to the music, shooting an heated glare at Quinn's before losing herself into the song and the her own blonde goddess.

Quinn ignored the glare and moved to one side sharing a look at Brittany who nodded back with a smirk of her own. Like one the two blondes began dancing against Santana, Brittany pressed against her front and Quinn pressed to her back.

The cat calls reached new heights.

Ignoring the crowd, Quinn put her hands on Santana's hips guiding her from behind while Brittany hands began exploring her body starting from the legs, practically kneeling in front of the brunette. Quinn smirked at the shudder she felt running on Santana's back when Brittany hands reached her hips and kept going. Santana threw her head back, eyes closed, leaning on Quinn's shoulder, missing the sight of Brittany elegantly raising from her knees only to make full body contact with the brunette.

Several of the guys in the room made to get near them but all the blondes had to do to stop them was simply shake their heads and glare at them. They stepped back looking like scolded puppies.

When the notes of Don't Cha started Brittany and Santana were smiling at each other and paying more attention to each other than her. Quinn knew it was time to leave.

She grasped Brittany's shirt and pulled the girl to her giving her a kiss on the lips before turning and yanking Santana's shirt to do the same, just because she could.

"Thanks for the dance girls, you keep going…" Quinn called over her shoulder already leaving the makeshift dance floor, laughing both at Santana's shocked face and at the obvious lustful gazes that followed her. She left them with a warning that sounded more like an encouragement. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Finally feeling free enough to do what she had just done just for the hell of it made Quinn feel so happy she was almost giddy. Seeing Brittany and Santana dance together smiling at each other like they were the only people in the universe was even better. _"They really are made for each other."_

Quinn just hoped they would talk now that she had done the hard part to break the ice between them. It had been almost painful seeing them acting so hesitantly and unsure with each other in those last days.

"Vine cooler?"

Puck's voice, like his offer, was unmistakable. Quinn froze, her happiness vanishing. Slowly she turned and found him standing there with a stupid smirk on his face and two bottles in his hands.

"No, thanks."

She didn't even try to curb the sarcasm of her reply. She wanted only to turn around and ignore him, but couldn't quite make herself do it. Seeing him like this only brought back memories she would rather forget. She already wasn't all that good with emotions, who was she kidding Quinn was a moron when it came down to emotions and she knew it, and the mix of anger, sadness, regret and fondness she felt when around him confused her.

"You sure?"

Puck enticed with what, Quinn was sure, he thought was a seducing smile. And as always when not completely drunk and desperately alone, she didn't find it even remotely exciting. To be honest she hadn't ever really found a boy attractive. Quinn had found some of them good-looking, like Finn, but she hadn't ever felt physically attracted to them. That had happened only with girls. And not for the first time Quinn asked herself just how dating boys had ever seemed like a good idea.

"Yes Puck. I'm sure." She ground out, really not in the mood for his sad attempt of seduction. She had just danced with two of the hottest girl in the school, Puck simply didn't even measure up next to them.

"Well, you _know_ what you're missing…"

Quinn was about to turn away when his words made her stop. Maybe now was the time to clear the air about that night between them. Last year they had talked several times about the consequence of that night, about Beth, but never of that night.

"No, Puck, I don't know, because I was completely drunk."

"Come on," He scoffed. "You drank what? Two vine coolers? Three? I saw you drink more than that and saying no just fine. You don't have to make excuses with me, Quinn." Puck added, annoyed with her attitude. He always felt like she blamed him for that night more than herself. In his opinion the both of them had made a choice, she could just live with it like he did. "That night you wanted to have fun. I wanted to have fun. Whatever else come out from it, it was just that. Two friends deciding to have fun with each other."

"You weren't there for the two third of bottle of vodka I drank before that, Puck." He studied her carefully and Quinn saw the moment he realized that she was telling the truth. "I don't even _remember _that night after you said 'vine cooler?'" She mocked. "And even before that things are pretty hazy." She let the silence go on for a moment. "I said no, Puck. I mean it."

xxx

**Two years ago**

One year today.

Quinn had felt a shiver run along her back this morning at the realization that it had exactly been one year from the day Rachel had broken her heart. And with it had come a heart wrenching pain and sadness too strong to just ignore. Ignore like she had done every day in the past year, after that first horrible first week, where even breathing hurt.

She didn't think about it, her, every minute of every day anymore, like at the beginning, but today she just couldn't seem to get Rachel out of her mind. Quinn had tried just about everything. She had gone running until her lungs burned, she had tried to play and losing herself in the music, she had tried to spend time with her boyfriend. Nothing worked.

Running made her think about how they had met. Every time she heard music she automatically thought about Rachel. And all she could think when she was with Finn was that he was too tall, his hands too big, that he talked so little. He was all wrong.

So now Quinn found herself at Puck's _new year of school_ party, like he needed a reason to throw a party, desperate to not think about Rachel or how much she was hurting. She had lost Finn to the crowd almost as soon they had got here and she hadn't minded one bit. She didn't feel at all that social this night. She only wanted to curl up in a corner and stop hurting.

"Quinn! Ah I finally found you… drink this up."

Santana had just put a paper glass in her hand. Quinn studied it curiously still distracted by her thoughts.

"Come on, drink it up cap!" Santana was already more drunk than sober and seemed so damn happy to Quinn's eyes. So without even asking what there was in the glass, the odor alone was enough to give away it was some sort of alcoholic, she drank it. She wasn't used to it and going down it burned her throat but for that second she didn't think.

When she reopened her eyes Quinn noticed the grin on Santana's and Brittany's faces and grinned back. Maybe she had just found out how to not think about the small singer.

"You got it down like a pro cap." Santana grinned at her, raising a bottle and some glasses. "Come on, I need somebody else than B's help to finish this whole bottle of vodka I have rescued from the football team."

"Then let's go, S."

They found a quiet corner on the patio and became working on the bottle. In less than half an hour the three of them had almost finished the whole bottle. They had chatted and laughed, letting the party go on without them. And because they were who they were nobody came to disturb them.

Quinn had sat on the patio, pleasurably numb just enjoying the night with her friends, her mind finally quiet. At least until Santana and Brittany began making out on the love seat they had been sharing. The sight of the kissing girls and the moans of pleasure was enough to make Quinn think again of Rachel. Seeing the two of them together brought back all the memories. Trying to escape them once more Quinn got up from her law chair, finished the bottle of vodka, and made her way back in the tick of the party, searching for another drink to forget.

This time it was Puck who handed her a glass.

"Vine cooler?"

"Sure." She agreed drinking it in one gulp. He grinned at her and gave her another.

Several hours later Quinn awoke in Puck's bed, sore and naked.

xxx

Santana supposed that what they were doing could be called dancing. All their clothes were on and no hands were placed in compromising positions. But vertical sex with clothes on probably was nearer to the truth.

She only knew her body was moving like it was trying to be one with Brittany's, searching for as much contact as it could, her back was to the blonde's front, practically glued to it. Her hands were touching the flesh she had dreamed about with the desperation of a starving man, finally ending their journey to the hips. Whatever Brittany was doing with hers on Santana's stomach was making her crazy.

After a while Brittany decided she had to turn around, communicating her intentions perfectly with just a touch and the hint of motion. Santana followed immediately, naturally leaving the lead to the blonde, like she always did. Brittany was poetry in motion dancing and Santana wouldn't do anything to detract from it.

The latina could hear distantly the beat of the music and the muttering of the crowd, but all she could focus on were the blonde's eyes, leaving her body to follow Brittany's instinctively, not really thinking about it at all. Santana was way too entranced at seeing the warm in those blue eyes, the love and the lust she was sure were in hers too, to care about dancing. It was magical.

But then the song ended and it took several seconds before another one started. They just stood there, breathing hard, their gazes locked, neither of them hiding anything for the first time in way too long.

"Thanks for dancing with me." Brittany said at last with a lopsided smile.

"I wanted to…" Seeing the hurt lingering in the back of Brittany's eyes at her words made Santana felt like scum. After their talk in the hallway she had been petty and she had denied the blonde's requests to dance together. And for Brittany that refusal hurt worse than not speaking to her would have. And Santana had known it. "I have missed it." _"…you"_

"We could do it again…" Brittany offered cautiously, not really sure if this was an once time thing spurred by Quinn's actions or if Santana would once again dance with her regularly. She missed the brunette in her life.

"We will do it again…" Santana promised to both Brittany and herself, clearly hearing the pleading note in the blonde's words and answering to it. "Every time you want to dance you just have to ask… the answer will always be yes."

It was the first time Santana promised that. For all their life her being Brittany's favorite dancing partner had been something that they had never questioned. She had been the first Brittany asked to dance with, and after that first yes, the blonde hadn't ever asked anybody else if Santana was around.

The promise made Brittany relax completely. She closed her eyes for a moment, absorbing the brunette's words and all they meant, before opening them and smiling, truly happy.

"Thanks Santana." Brittany hugged her and kissed her on the cheek, and finally Santana felt her world righting.

They stood like that for a moment then simultaneously took a step back . After the charged moment Santana wasn't ready to let Brittany go, so she took the blonde's hand, needing the contact. She slowly lead her to their friends, steeling herself to face Artie and her Brittany together. They made their way back to Mercedes, Tina and Artie without talking.

"That was seriously hot girls."

Mercedes piped in from her place on the little couch once they reached them.

"Yeah, we were practically sweating just seeing it." Tina added with a smile.

"We rock." Santana said simply smirking smugly at the praise, letting the conversation flow around her without really paying attention to it. She was too busy basking in Brittany's presence and bubbly personality to care about whatever the others were talking about. The blonde was leaning slightly against her, their fingers still entangled, completely relaxed. It was heaven for Santana after not seeing much of her friend, of the girl she loved, in the last weeks if not for the time they had spent with Quinn or at Cheerios' practice. Sure, it had been her choice but she had missed Brittany desperately. _"I'm a moron…"_

Santana stood there chatting a bit with them, mostly listening, leaving only when, after a last squeeze of her hand and another grateful smile, Brittany left her side to sit on Artie's lap and gave him a kiss. For the first time Santana didn't felt angry at the display of affection but sad it wasn't for her. Still, she didn't really feel like being around them when they cuddled, so she excused herself. "Well, I'm thirsty… see ya…"

They all already had their drink so they just nodded, keeping to talk.

Santana walked away lost on thought. The dance had been enlightening for more than a reason. It sure made her realize some hard things she was avoiding. _"Fuck you, Q…"_ Sure, her friend had helped her, she had loved to dance with Brittany, and thank to Quinn she had patched up her friendship as good as one could without sitting down and really talking about it, but still… Santana had liked to be ignore her problems. And after tonight there wasn't a way to turn back.

Thoughtful, Santana went to grab a couple of bottles of beer and went searching for Karofsky. They had to talk.

She found Dave talking with some of his footballs team mates. It was obvious they were talking about her from the sudden silence that fell when she reached them. The lustful glances they threw at her told her exactly what they were talking about. After the dances with Quinn and Brittany it wasn't surprising. She played to it, holding both bottles with an hand and pulling Karofsky to her by his shirt. "Come with me stud. I need you."

"Sure thing." Karofsky replied with a smirk, letting her drag him away among the catcalls and invidious gazes of his friends.

Santana didn't stop until they reached the patio. One of her glares was enough to free the love seat, the same one she had once made out with Brittany what seemed a lifetime ago, and clear the area. She sat down, noticing how he sat near her but not next to her like Brittany did. Apparently Quinn had been right. Santana made a mental note of never admit it to Quinn.

Without saying anything Santana offered Dave a beer. They just sat there, sipping in silence.

"After the prom we'll break up. It's a problem for you?"

Sometime along the way in this fake relationship they had built a sort of friendship. They weren't best friends by any means but they had reached an understanding and had found out they were comfortable with each other.

"No problem for me." Dave had seen that dance just a few minutes before. Everybody did, the party had practically stood still, and with good reason. The three of them had been sex personified on that dance floor. And he had finally understood just what Santana was hiding with their relationship. And after he had realized that he had to admit she hadn't ever really hidden it, just downplayed its importance to her. And they all had bought it.

Dave knew she didn't want to talk about it. So he just kept her company, silently sipping his drink, thinking just how strange life was.

xxx


	10. Chapter 10

**First, thanks for reviews.**

**So here there is the second chapter dedicated to Puck's party... I rewrote it a couple of times, because it didn't sound right… so, I hope you like it…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

xxx

**Chapter 10**

xxx

Mercedes knew she was drinking too much. She had brushed off Tina's and Artie's concern, because really, she wasn't that drunk. She didn't really care about their opinions, they were too much on the conservative side for her taste. If she wanted to drink and let loose a bit she was free to do so. Nor did Mercedes care that with alcohol came to the fore her cattiness.

So she sat with her friends, a bit drunk but lucid enough to watch interested around the room waiting for something to happen. Because one of the most fun things that regularly happened to Puck's party was teenage drama, lots of it. People breaking up, cheating on others, fighting. If you could name it, it had happened at one of Puck's parties.

Every single party but tonight apparently, since nothing had happened. Apart from Quinn's, Brittany's and Santana's dances, which had been hot but not particularly gossip worthy, this party had been positively boring.

"They make a good couple." Artie commented on Finn and Rachel dancing. Mercedes turned her head just in time to see the quarterback stepping on the brunette's toes. Tina and Brittany winced with Rachel, having been at the wrong end of Finn's feet more than once and knowing just how much it hurt. Mercedes followed the scene hoping that the next installment of Rachel's and Finn's tormented love story would be entertaining. She had seen them more than once this night quietly talking, or drinking, but never making out. It was unusual for the two of them. It was unusual for Finn at least. If he went at a party with a girl they would end at least making out. In this that boy was exactly like the stereotypical quarterback. Well, it was true for every girl but Quinn. With the head cheerleader it was a wonder if they spent any time at all together at a party. Often enough Finn and Quinn would separate at the front door and see each other again only when it was time to leave, and sometimes neither then.

"They don't." Brittany said with finality. She hadn't even really understood what the two of them had in common apart from glee and being basically kind people inclined to rare moments of egoism. It was why she liked them too, it was easy to like good people, but she hadn't ever quite understood how that like translated in love.

"Well Finn _is_ hopeless at dancing." Tina commented thinking the blonde was referring to his inexistent dance skills. Brittany had even refused to dance with him for weeks after a disastrous rehearsal during which he had practically broken her foot. When it happened Puck, with Mike's help, had had to stop Santana from slugging the boy for his incompetence. It had been hilariously funny to see two football players having difficulty to stop a cheerleader from beating up their quarterback. Pleading to her they needed him for the match that Saturday if they wanted to at least have a chance to score points. Santana had only relented when Brittany had asked her to take her to the nurse and reminded her that if he had really broken her foot Coach Sylvester would take care of him. Santana had smirked evilly at that. And so had Tina at seeing just how pale Finn had got at the idea. "He couldn't even dance with Quinn, and tonight we all saw just how good she is." She smiled at Brittany saying that.

"Q is good, real good." Brittany agreed. "And she is one of the few people I know and danced with who can lead or follow with the same level of skill and confidence."

"I never saw Quinn lead…" Artie added. "I don't think I have at least…"

"When San and I spend time with her more often than not we end up dancing." Brittany shrugged, it was one of the thing the three of them had in common. "Sometimes is formal dancing, sometimes it's more like tonight… she's really good at waltz…"

"Finn sure as hell went awfully fast from Quinn to Rachel." Mercedes' words made the others turn back to watch the dancing couple. She was right. Only a week ago he was with Quinn and now he was at a party with Rachel. But then again Finn wasn't known for his tact or discretion. "And from the looks of it Quinn isn't taking it well." Mercedes added with unhidden glee. Maybe it was finally time for the teenage drama she was waiting for.

The trio followed Mercedes' gaze to the other side of the room. Quinn was leaning against a wall drinking from a bottle of beer, she too was intently watching the couple on the dance floor. They couldn't see her face, it was somewhat hidden in the shadows, but seeing her drinking while watching Rachel and Finn didn't bode well.

"Who wants to bet that Quinn ends up in Puck's bed tonight?"

"It's not funny Mercedes." Brittany scolded the other girl watching her friend just stand there, obviously watching the couple. Even from here Brittany could tell by her restless body language that Quinn was uneasy about something.

"Come on… why not? One can see her jealously from here… a couple of those bottles and Beth'll get a little brother… or sister…" She snickered.

"Go to hell Mercedes." Brittany was already making her way to Quinn. Two years ago she hadn't done anything to help her friend, too involved in Santana and the new facet of their relationship. But even if she hadn't done anything about it she had seen how sad the other blonde had been that night. How alone she had seemed even when she was drinking and laughing with them. And really Quinn had done the most drinking that night while the two of them had been the ones to laugh. Brittany wouldn't make the same mistake.

"What did I say?" Mercedes wined at the dancer's harsh tone.

Artie and Tina just shook their heads. "If you had to ask, maybe it's better if you don't drink anymore Mercedes…"

xxx

Rachel shouldn't have been looking at Quinn. She knew it. The blonde had made more than clear how she felt about her, how she didn't want her friendship, _her_, back. She had done so for years really, if one considered the cold shoulder of freshman year, the harsh brush-offs and the repeated rebuffs at her offers of friendship in sophomore year. And Rachel had enough self-respect to not go where she wasn't wanted.

But she kept looking at Quinn.

Rachel kept looking at her and finding her beautiful.

Not surprising considering just how Quinn looked. Tall, blonde, with a body to die for and a chiseled face that was almost unreal it was so beautiful. One had to be blind and stupid to not see it. From the first time Rachel had seen her in high school she had seen just how beautiful Quinn was.

She kept looking at her and finding her attractive.

That was surprising. Because when Quinn had only been Quinn and not Lucy, her beauty had been something remote. One of the things you know intellectually but don't really feel. Rachel had been way too intimidated by her to find her attractive. Now, well, now Rachel found her attractive. Very attractive.

But she was here with Finn, even if they were here only as friends and she shouldn't really look at others. It was bad form.

But something had changed with Finn too. Now Rachel was sure she wasn't in love with him anymore. She still found him attractive, still loved him at some level, but she wasn't in love with him anymore. She just didn't feel that pull anymore. Not like before. And looking back it was now clear her relationship with Finn had been more a on then off thing than something really meaningful. It always seemed like they were trying to get together and once they were together they split off for some reason or the other. There weren't ever deep feelings about it, not like those she had felt with Lucy.

So Rachel found herself being with Finn and thinking about Quinn, no matter what she did to avoid it.

But damn that girl was hot. The dance with Brittany and Santana had been… Rachel was sure she had been drooling for most of it. Finn hadn't noticed, because he too had been drooling. To be honest, the whole room had been drooling.

If Rachel was paranoid she would think Quinn had danced that way just to make her realize just what she had thrown away. What she wouldn't ever have. She wasn't paranoid fortunately. Still the doubt was there.

"You want to dance?"

"Sure." Rachel replied without thinking and then bit her lips realizing just what she had said. This really wasn't her night. She had just agreed to dance with Finn to a slow song. Her feet were done for now.

Rachel let Finn lead her to the makeshift dance floor cursing her distraction. She had successfully avoided dancing with him for the whole night and given the hour she had thought she would survive the nigh unharmed. Damn.

Dancing with Finn was an… experience. One that Rachel avoided whenever she could, no matter he was her male lead. He was that bad. But he knew she liked dancing so he offered every time. It was cute but... _"But dancing with Quinn…"_ Rachel remembered fondly the few dances she had had with Lucy. And having seen Quinn in Glee practices or at parties like tonight, well it was clear she had become even better and three years ago she hadn't been bad at all. _"Well she was taking ballet..."_ And she was thinking of Quinn, again. Damn. _"Quinn doesn't want you around Rachel…"_ She scolded herself harshly for the umpteenth time.

Rachel watched her hand being swallowed in Finn's as he tugged her. Sometime his size startled her. It was nice to have a partner taller than her, and realistically Rachel knew that just about everyone was taller than her, but sometimes with Finn she felt more of a child than anything else. It was unpleasant and it even made the logistics of many things, like kissing, problematic.

"Come on." Finn prompted, grinning lopsidedly, putting his hands around her waist and beginning to sway to the music with what one could call a decent level of competence. If one hadn't ever took a dance lesson. And Finn had done so in glee for more than a year. Rachel followed his loose lead, grimacing once more at the nearness of Finn's feet to her own. She still hadn't forgot her broken nose thanks to his elbow. It brought back to mind Quinn's support in changing it. Like the blonde had done. Rachel frowned, suddenly recalling an half forgotten memory of a lazy Saturday spent with Lucy.

It had been an afternoon like many others, they had been sprawled on her bed, simply talking about everything and anything. Joking, laughing. When they had finally calmed down they had just laid there in a blissful silence. Rachel had turned on her side, looking at her friend who had just looked back with a smile and a quizzical expression.

They had stood like that for a while, the silence growing more charged with feelings Rachel didn't really understand. The strange stillness was broken when Rachel finally gave in to the urge of just _doing_ something. The brunette had reached out and traced Lucy's nose. It had felt intimate.

Rachel smiled remembering how Lucy had blushed at the contact but hadn't moved, letting her friend trace lightly her nose up and down. They had stood there, smiling at each other, frozen once again for what had seemed like an eternity.

And suddenly it had felt awkward. Rachel had blushed too and draw back her hand like she had burned her fingers. To break the silence, this time an uncomfortable one, Rachel had blurted out how their noses weren't all that great. Lucy had started a bit at the words, then she had shrugged and told her she didn't really care if Rachel didn't either.

Rachel had felt guilty then, knowing that Lucy was really self conscious of her image, but hadn't apologized, not knowing how.

Rachel felt worse now that she knew that sometime that summer Quinn had gone and got a nose job. It made her question just what other things Quinn had done simply because Rachel had asked. Or done for something the Rachel had said. And she was thinking of Quinn again. Damn.

Then, in the corner of her eye, she saw a profile she recognized.

Quinn.

She was standing against a wall, nursing a beer, apparently lost in thoughts.

The blonde seemed so alone, almost forlorn. Maybe she should go to her…

"Ouch!" Rachel cried out instinctively beginning to hop around. Finn had just crushed her foot and it hurt.

"I'm so sorry Rachel. Let me help you…"

"It's nothing…" She reassured with a fake smile, hopping around on a single foot. _"If he has broken my foot I swear I'll break his nose just to make him understand how it feels…"_At least she wasn't thinking about Quinn anymore.

xxx

The gentle giant and the bold dwarf. It sure as hell seemed the beginning of a fairy tale. One of the relationships that everybody always said were just destined to be. And Quinn knew that in this fairy tale the plot painted her in the role of the wicked witch.

She took a sip of her beer morosely watching her two exes dance with each other. The sadness and at least a tad of resentment she had expected. The jealously she had not. That had been a surprise, even with all that had happened in the last weeks. That it was that surprising only told her just how much she didn't want to see it.

Because Quinn knew she had once again started to search for Rachel every time she entered in a room. Or how she noticed what the brunette was wearing, and no matter what it was, finding it attractive. She had been thinking that someone really should ban those plaid skirts for the sanity of the rest of the population because those legs were just too distracting. She had gone back to find Rachel's voice heavenly, when before it had grated on her nerves. She had wanted those brown eyes to look at her like they had before, without hesitation or doubt about her reaction, only with that love that seemed endless.

Quinn had spent all night watching Rachel, her eyes stubbornly searching for and finding her even when she didn't want to. It was maddening.

And now she stood here, leaning against the wall farthest from Rachel, finally admitting to herself she was still attracted to her. That she still loved her. And she was scared shitless by it.

And as if her own mixed-up feelings weren't enough Rachel's actions confused the hell out of Quinn.

Rachel had said she wanted to be her friend again. That had been simple to say no to. Because Quinn knew that she didn't want to be Rachel's friend, it was hard enough to be her acquaintance.

Then Rachel had given her half globe back asking to gain it back. It had been enough to turn Quinn's world upside down once again. Because Rachel _had to _know that that charm represented more than simple friendship to Quinn. It always had, even when she hadn't known how to say it.

But then Rachel come to this party as Finn's date.

Quinn felt the tears gather in her eyes. Trying to control them she blinked repeatedly and took another sip of her beer.

"Q?"

Startled Quinn turned to find Brittany in front of her, evidently worried. Seeing a friend coming to her in a moment of distress soothed a sore spot in Quinn, one she didn't think she still had.

"Hey B." Still she tried for nonchalance, but her voice broke gracelessly at the end.

"Are you alright?"

And for once Quinn didn't feel the need to lie and hide her sadness. For a long time in her life she would have been angry that someone found her when she felt vulnerable. She would have shut them out and tried harder to control her emotions. "No, not really."

Brittany only nodded taking the bottle of beer from her hands and then gathering Quinn in a hug. "You want to go home?" The taller girl asked softly, still keeping her close.

"Please." Quinn whispered once she was sure she wouldn't cry.

Brittany let her go, checking her friend was composed enough to leave without breaking down. Quinn had always been a very private person regarding her emotions and breaking down in front of practically the whole school would destroy her self-esteem. "Come on then, I'll drive."

Quinn gave her keys to Brittany and let the taller girl lead her to the car. For a time neither of them broke the comfortable silence, Brittany concentrating on driving, Quinn absently looking out.

"I'm in love with Rachel."

Brittany only nodded. "What do you plan to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Because she is with Finn? I doubt they are really together." At least Rachel's whole body language had been all wrong for it.

"It's not that…" Even if it was, at least in part. "I'm scared B…"

Involuntary Brittany's mind went to Santana's words.

The Latina's fears about her sexuality had strained their friendship but after tonight Brittany was hopeful that they would mend it. And Brittany knew she had Quinn to thank for that. It had been the head cheerleader's actions to make them speak again, really speak again and begin to mend fences. And Brittany knew Quinn enough to know it hadn't been just a fortuitous coincidence.

But the blonde somehow doubted that Quinn was afraid of that side of herself, like Santana, more so after the kisses she had given them tonight. If one was scared of liking girls, and wanted to hide it, she didn't go around kissing two of them in front of the whole school.

When the silence went on for a bit Brittany prompted Quinn to go on. "Of what?" It was rare that the head cheerleader would really talk about what made her sad. And Brittany had noticed that Quinn had always be sad deep down.

"Rachel."

A part of Quinn expected Brittany to laugh at what had to seem an absurdity to anyone who didn't know the whole story. But her friend surprised her when her next words were as serious as she had ever heard from Brittany.

"What has she done to you?"

Quinn didn't really questioned how Brittany had known instinctively that Rachel had done something to her. She just sucked in the relief that those words brought her.

"She broke my heart, B. She broke it in a thousand of little pieces… and I-I just don't understand, you know? One day I love her and she loves me… I could see in it her eyes, B, she _loved_ me… the next she breaks up with me…" Her voice broke again but Quinn went on, desperately trying to get it all out. "…she told me I wasn't good enough for her… but I was trying to be better B, I was really trying… I worked out. Lost weight… but still I wasn't good enough… and now, now I'm all that she wanted… I can sing good enough to be on a stage… I'm beautiful enough she could walk with me on the red carpet without being ashamed by my looks… she still doesn't want me. Just what is wrong with me, B?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Q." Brittany reassured her, internally frowning at what Rachel's words had done to her friend. She had always known that Quinn had needed to be the best at what she did but she hadn't ever known why. She had always thought it had something to do with her father, but now she asked herself if Rachel's words hadn't something to do with it too_. _"You're funny and kind and intelligent… protective, strong and tough when you have to…"

"Why did she do it then, B? I just want to know… whatever it is I can change it…" Quinn knew she was almost begging by now but she was drunk enough she didn't care, she just wanted Rachel back. She wanted the blissful relationship they had three years ago back. "I can be better, really… I can."

Brittany didn't say anything, because she didn't know the answers of Quinn's questions. She didn't even know if there were answers. She simply grasped Quinn's hand in hers and hold it until they got home, hoping it would comfort her friend.

xxx

**In the next chapter there'll be a Faberry scene where they will even talk to each other… shocking, no?**


	11. Chapter 11

**First, thanks for reviews, I'm glad you like last chapter.**

**You all seemed to like my promise to finally write a faberry scene for this chapter. I didn't realize you missed them this bad… ;) Just so you know there will be at least a Quinn/Rachel scene in every single chapter from now on…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

xxx

**Chapter 11**

xxx

The music was hauntingly beautiful.

_The streets are empty.  
>Inside it's warm.<br>His hands are shaking.  
>They locked the door.<br>A voice is calling,  
>asking to get in.<em>

Quinn was singing softly, more focused on the music than the words. It was always like this when she was playing for herself and it had been years since she had played for any other. Her hands were moving swiftly on the keys, like they were dancing, easily finding the next note. She had always been so proud of how agile her fingers were on the black and white keys, how they glided on the keyboard. Some of it was simply due to natural gifts, like their length. It helped. She had pianist hands, everybody always had told her so, even when she hadn't been playing. But much more was due to the hours she had spent practicing to make her fingers more quick and nimble. She had exercised even when she had stopped playing in middle school. It was that ingrained. And the repetitive exercises helped to calm her down, something she desperately needed in middle school when bullying had been so ferocious.

When the song ended Quinn rested her hands on the piano and closed her eyes for a moment to collect herself. She had been playing for the last hour and finally she felt like she had worked through all the feelings yesterday night had brought back up. She had made her peace with seeing the girl she was in love with dancing with another, with seeing Rachel get over her once again. She had made peace with the fact there wouldn't ever been a them again.

Playing for hours to work through her feelings had become an habit for Quinn in the last years. It was simply cathartic for her. The first time she had ever used her the music this way had been when Rachel had broken up with her. When she hadn't known how to express the sadness and the hurt she had felt. Years of her father's teachings that Fabray's were always in control of themselves had left her with an instinct to just repress her feelings. And she had done just that.

But Elizabeth had noticed it and had helped her to learn how to express them trough music. The woman hadn't even tried to make her sing, she had just sat down with her and made her play the piano. It had been the only way Quinn had been able to express all the clamoring feelings that the break up had roused in her. It had been strange for Quinn to realize she had finally got what everybody meant when they said that music had to be felt after Rachel had broken up with her.

Years later she still found solace in it, she still used playing the piano to work through her emotions. And now that she played only for herself, not for her father's pride, or a public, Quinn really enjoyed it.

Quinn sighed and opened her still watery eyes. Puck's parties really did a number on her, every single time. The only thing that changed were the reasons. _"Maybe I should just avoid them from now on."_ She blinked once more then turned to face her mother, whom had been sitting on the sofa listening to her for the last couple of minutes.

"Hello mom." Quinn greeted quietly as to not break the silence of the house. Sometimes to Quinn it seemed like the only sounds in the house come from her playing.

"The last one was really beautiful. Sad but beautiful." Judy praised. Sometimes she sat down to listen to her daughter play but she never stayed long. She didn't like music all that much. They practically didn't share a single interest. "What is it?"

It was nice seeing her mother smile at her, take an interest in her life. She did it so rarely it had been always a treat to Quinn when she had been a child. The cheerleader had understood early on that her mother hadn't wanted children all that much. Or maybe at all. She was an alright mother, but it just wasn't what she wanted to do, and it showed. And when years later Quinn had found out that her parents had married just because her mother was pregnant and _"it was the sensible thing to do" _she hadn't been surprised at all.

"The song is Tarja Turunen's The boy and the Ghost."

"It was beautiful Quinn, you really play wonderfully. Well, I have to go at the hospital." That was the real love of her mother's life. The hospital. Quinn hadn't quite understood when she had been little but her mother wasn't only a doctor, she was a surgeon. A surgeon who had accepted a job with office hours and practically no time in the operating room to raise her. "I have a double shift."

Lima had changed that for her. Once they had relocated she had gone back to be a surgeon full time, or whatever it was called. And Quinn had to admit she hadn't ever seen her mother more happy then now. She just hadn't seen much of her since Judy had spent more time at the hospital then at home in the last years. Her father had been the same with his office. The only difference was that when her mother was around she praised her, with her father it seemed always like she never quite measured up to his expectations.

"Sure."

"Oh, before I forget, this week I have a conference in Seattle. I'll be away from Monday through Friday. I left the atm card in the usual drawer, you know the code." Judy added already getting her purse and coat. "If you need anything call."

"Alright." Judy hadn't throw her out of her home, or better yet let her father thrown her out, because what she did was unmoral or better yet, _"what would everybody say"_, Russell's words. No, she had done it because Quinn had ruined her future getting pregnant. Judy hadn't ever said _"like she had done"_ but Quinn had heard it all the same. But not having anymore the reason behind her marriage around made Judy realize that after all she hadn't ever wanted to marry Russell. So she had got rid of him, after having suited the hell out of him, and found out that in her life there was space for a daughter and maybe even a granddaughter.

One night at dinner, out of the blue, Judy had just told Quinn that she was family even if she made choice she didn't agree with or even could understand. Once she had informed Quinn of this there hadn't been any other great gestures. They hadn't been close before and they hadn't been after. They had fallen back in their old routine pretty soon. There wasn't that much difference in the relationship they had had before her pregnancy and that they had now.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Judy added over her shoulder, already half out of the door. "Love you Quinn."

"See you, Mom." The lack of hugs or kisses was normal. Her mother hadn't ever been all that affectionate.

Quinn watched the door close then got up from the piano to get her running shoes. She had five mile to run today to keep with Sue's training plan. Only five, it was Saturday after all. With a bit of luck she would even met Santana and Brittany at the track. Maybe she would invite them over for dinner. Eating alone wasn't all that great.

xxx

"And then Finn stomped on my foot." Rachel shook her head, incredulous. "I'm beginning to doubt he will ever been an adequate dancer…"

Hiram took a sip of his coffee and shot a look at his husband who nodded back. "Honey?" He asked to get her attention.

"Yes, dad?"

"Why don't you speak about Quinn anymore?" It had always been easy to know when something really bothered Rachel. She simply didn't speak of it at all. And with how much Rachel liked speaking about her life and her experience it became obvious pretty soon when she had a problem.

"I don't understand, dad." But her sudden difficulty in meeting his eyes told Hiram she understood just fine.

"You never talk about her anymore, Rachel." Leroy added gently, swallowing a bit of his waffles.

"I never talked about her." Rachel replied frowning, pushing her plate away from her. Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore.

"You always did." Leroy added. "You spoke often about her in your freshmen year and almost every day after when she joined glee. And every day from the beginning of this year. Especially when you worked on your duet."

"I never realized…"

"In the past half hour you spoke about the party, you never once talked about her. You talked about all your friends, and your classmates. You talked about everyone but her." Hiram said still sipping his coffee. "Quinn was there wasn't she?"

"Yes, yes she was." Rachel replied subdued.

Leroy put his fork down. "Did something happen? Other then what you told us, I mean…"

"She is avoiding me."

"And you?"

"Me what?"

"Are you avoiding her?"

"She told me she wanted me to leave her alone." Rachel replied stubbornly, trying to make them understand this situation wasn't her responsibility. But she could hear a bit of whine in her voice.

Leroy nodded. "Have you spoken to her about why you broke up with her three years ago?"

"No."

"Maybe you should honey." Hiram suggested delicately. "If she doesn't even know the real reason behind it how can she forgive you for it?" Because it was clear that whatever else, Quinn still mattered to Rachel. And Hiram knew if Rachel just let this second chance pass without even trying she would regret it someday.

Rachel began to play with her hands, not meeting her fathers' eyes. There was a long silence before she spoke again.

"I don't know how to say sorry for something like that. I don't know what to do to make her realize just how sorry I'm for what I did." Rachel blinked back her tears. She hadn't realized this situation was getting to her so much. "This isn't something I can just fix singing a song or giving her a gift or making some great gesture. I tried. I gave her back my half globe. I wrote to her I wanted to earn it back. It didn't change anything." Hiram exchanged a surprised look with Leroy. They hadn't seen that charm from the day after Rachel's attempt to speak to Lucy. The day their daughter had come home crying that Lucy had left. "And even if I did find a way to make it up to her, Quinn made clear she'll never forgive me. The same day I gave the half globe to her she sang to me _not ready to make nice_."

Hiram and Leroy both flinched at the anguish in Rachel's words. They knew that song and they knew how Rachel thought. Often their daughter put more weight on the lyrics one sang to her than the word one spoke to her or their actions. Lucy had known it. Once she had even asked them about it. So Quinn knew what she was doing when she choose that song.

Leroy rubbed his forehead, this situation was messed up, badly. And it didn't look like Rachel had an idea on how to fix it. If it could be fixed. He sighed. The pleading brown eyes that met his told him all he needed to know. His daughter wanted to fix it and he would help her.

"Maybe you're right, maybe there isn't anything you can do to fix your broken relationship." Maybe, or maybe not. And after all one didn't go to the lengths Quinn had gone to tell Rachel to stay away if someone really didn't matter to them anymore. And this without even considering that before this Quinn had began to strike some sort of friendship back with Rachel. Hell, the two of them had been caught up in some sort of back and forth friendship in the last year. "But avoiding her won't give her back to you either, Rachel. It'll only make the distance between the two of you bigger. And sooner or later it'll be too big to bridge."

"It has already been three years dad." It always felt strange to Leroy hearing such a little voice coming from Rachel. For the better or worse their daughter was loud and not only because of her voice.

"I know it has been three years and it is hard and maybe it's too late to make it right. Believe me, I know. But if you wait for the fourth year it won't get any easier, only harder."

"I don't even know where to begin to bridge it."

"Speak to her Rachel. Tell her the truth. It's the only thing you can do. This whole thing depends on her as much on you. Once she knows the truth maybe she'll change her mind, or maybe no." _"And I really really hope it'll be enough…"_ Leroy thought seeing the glimmer of hope in his daughter eyes.

xxx

Rachel stood on the doorstep waiting for someone to open the door. She only hoped it would be before she lost the courage she had found to come here.

The door swung open revealing a sweats clad, glass wearing Quinn on the other side. Rachel swallowed her throat suddenly arid. Quinn hadn't ever looked so much like Lucy as she did now. The glasses had changed to rectangular ones but seeing those hazel eyes behind the lens was achingly familiar.

"Rachel." The blonde's voice was a polite monotone, but her arched eyebrow was enough to convey her feelings about the impromptu visit.

"Hello Quinn." The stilted greeting was all that Rachel managed to utter.

"What brings you here?" The eyebrow was still arched and her tone awfully polite.

"We need to talk Quinn." Rachel started quietly but with resolve, meeting the blonde's gaze squarely. Their familiarity was comforting even now. "And I mean talking Quinn, not screaming, not fighting, talking. There are some things that you have to know… they'll be hard to hear…" _"And harder to tell…" _Rachel warned.

Quinn studied Rachel for a long time, enough to make the brunette star to fidget. Then she nodded once, curtly, and simply stepped back from the doorway, allowing Rachel to enter in her house.

Without saying anything Quinn led the shorter girl to the living room then she went to sit on the piano bench. It was the only furniture that hadn't been there the night her own parents had thrown her out of her home and the only spot in the room where she could sit without flashing back to the terrible night. Quinn didn't know what Rachel wanted to talk about, but from her expression alone she knew it wouldn't be something happy. There was no need to make it harder on herself

After a moment of uncertainty Rachel sat down on the pristine couch that faced the piano. They stood there for a long moment simply studying each other.

Rachel noticed in wonder just how at ease Quinn seemed sitting on the piano bench. It was different than the way she sat at the school's piano. Here it was like she was born to sit that bench. Rachel frowned, realizing she hadn't ever heard the blonde play.

"Well?" Quinn's word was all it took to make Rachel's throat go bone-dry. The brunette cleared her voice and began what she knew would probably be one of the hardest conversations she would ever had.

"I lied to you three year ago."

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked coolly, feeling her muscles tense, like her body was reading itself to be hit.

"There isn't a simply way to say this, or a way to not hurt you…" Rachel began. "It's about our break up." Quinn recoiled at this, even if she had suspected it would be the topic. "It's about the real reason I left you." Rachel swallowed hard and went on. "Three years ago you changed my life. You were my best friend, my first love. How I loved to spend time with you, or thinking about you. What I didn't realize it at first was that I spent less and less time practicing, less time singing and more time with you. I always wanted more of you." Rachel smiled at this. When she began again her smile faded. "As the weeks passed Miss Ferguson was less and less satisfied of my performances. There were mistakes in every single song. And she isn't a teacher who copes well with students who make stupid mistakes. Finally one day she sat me down and told me that if I didn't do something I would never be a star. That I would just end up a mediocre singer who would only dream of greatness. I felt my world crumble around me, Quinn." Rachel remembered with a grim smile. "I was scared, Quinn. I was just so scared, because I had always dreamed to be a star. Then Miss Ferguson reminded me that to be a star one had to give all herself to your art. That you should perform every time like it was the opening night of your show. You know me, I dreamed of that stage form age five and worked towards it from the same age. When I was about to leave Miss Ferguson told me that if I didn't do something, something drastic, and did it quickly, my dream would never came to be." There were unshed tears in Rachel's eyes. The same eyes that pleaded to Quinn to just understand. " I panicked, Quinn. I couldn't lose it. My dream was all I had ever had." Quinn could see just how hard this was, had been, to Rachel but she couldn't quite ignore the voice whispering in the back of her mind. _"You had me too…"_ Hearing Rachel pause for a moment as to gather her strength, Quinn steeled herself. "So I decided to break up with you."

Rachel paused once again, shifting just slightly on the couch, like she was searching for a comfortable position. Rationally she knew the couch was comfy, that it was the situation to make it uncomfortable. "What I said the day… I'm sorry Quinn. There aren't words to tell you how sorry I'm. I'm so ashamed of what I said to you. And I'm sorry because I didn't think a single thing of what I said. The speech I had tried from the time I left my lesson just vanished when I set my eyes on you. What I said a spur of the moment thing."

"The first thing that come to your mind was just how unworthy I was? How ugly I was?" Quinn wasn't angry. To be truthful she just didn't feel anything at the moment. Rachel made to speak, but a raised hand from Quinn halted her. "No don't say anything, please. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it and it's hard, Rachel. It's hard to know that you basically destroyed my self-esteem, _me_, just because you didn't find a better way to break up with me."

"I'm sorry Quinn…" It was only a flash but Rachel saw the raw pain in Quinn's eyes. A Strangled sob made her way out of the tiny diva.

"You could have told me the truth, you know?" The blonde said after a moment. "Told me I was between you and your dream and I had to go." Quinn let out a bitter laugh. "Maybe then I would have known just how selfish you really are, well before than sophomore year."

Rachel flinched at the words but didn't say anything, she deserved them and worse. "When I realized just how bad I had fucked it all up I sat down and took an hard look at myself. I promised myself I would never hurt another person like that. I changed…"

"You didn't change Rachel."

"What?" Rachel asked startled by the blonde's utterance.

"Rachel you didn't change." Quinn didn't know where this all was coming from. She felt detached from her own body, and her own voice sounded far away. Maybe she was in some sort of shock. After all she had just been told that the words she had spent the last three year proving wrong, had never been true. "If you had changed, really changed, you wouldn't have done to Sunshine what you did just at the beginning of this year."

"What.. what.. but I…" It wasn't the same. Not for Rachel. Because she didn't love Sunshine. She didn't even like her. But she had loved Lucy.

"You sent her to an old crack house Rachel." Rachel flinched back at the brutal reminder. "You planned that. And it was only because she was a better singer than you. Or better yet, you thought she was better than you. She was between you and Broadway just like I was." Quinn didn't even raise her voice. "And just like me you ridded yourself of her, not caring if she ended up hurt or not. Thank you for letting me know what our break up was really about. Even if you should have done it three years ago."

"I tried to tell you before, Quinn." Rachel said quietly, wanting Quinn to know that she hadn't took three years to figure out just how wrong she had been. "I tried to tell you three years ago, two weeks after I made the biggest mistake of my life. I went to your home to beg for forgiveness because I had been stupid and selfish and so, so wrong. But you had already moved away nor you did answers my calls. I was too late."

"You were." Quinn agreed, getting up from her piano bench. Her legs felt strangely rubbery. "Now that you have said what you had to, I would like for you to leave."

"No. Wait. I…" Rachel didn't know what she wanted to say. She only knew if she didn't speak now she would lose Quinn for good this time. There was a note of finality in the blonde's words she hadn't ever heard before.

Then the doorbell sounded.

"These are Santana and Brittany." Quinn was already on her way to the door. "It best if you leave Rachel."

Santana entered in the house and took the scene in. Seeing Quinn's glistening eyes she turned and stared coldly at the brunette still on the couch.

"You heard Q." The bristling latina snarled, taking an half step in her direction. "Get lost Dwarf."

Rachel nodded jerkily knowing she had just lost her chance to finally say to Quinn that she loved her. That she was still in love with her. Defeated Rachel got up and left.

xxx

**Alright. It was a sad faberry scene. But now that things are in the open (more or less) and Rachel's has finally got that she still loves Quinn, maybe things can be better… ;) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks everyone for the reviews. .Slash joan0md welcome on board.**

**The search for the beta reader is slow going. just lists everybody who makes themselves available as beta riders for Glee. So I'm reading the profiles and some of them are downright scary. Really. (ok, maybe those are just beta readers that aren't a match for me as a writer, but still…). I mean, it's too much ask for a **_**"people who checks if what you wrote is English and sometimes let you drone about your story, just to see if you and your character are still sane…"**_** sub-category? (maybe it's a little too specific… but if you know someone like that let me know…). Ok, rant over.**

**Long chapter this time around. There is Faberry and a bit of Brittana too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Chapter 12**

Finn turned the corner and dodged two Cheerios who glared at him for being in their way. Ever since Quinn was once again head cheerleader the Cheerios seemed to have gained even more power, and arrogance. Whatever. He was the quarterback and nobody, well almost nobody, Quinn and Santana come in mind, could touch him.

Finn shrugged his shoulders and kept walking, searching for Rachel. Given her height she was somewhat hard to spot in crowded hallways. This time he was lucky, she was at her locker in plain sight. Finn lengthened his stride to catch up with her.

"Hey."

Rachel looked over her shoulder and smiled at her friend. "Hello, Finn. It's a fine morning, isn't it?" She greeted him overly cheerful. To be honest she felt tired and miserable. She had spent half her night up, staring at the boring ceiling of her room, and the other half sleeping fitfully. Every time she fell asleep she woke up shivering because of the nightmares. The recurring theme of every single one was Quinn walking away and no matter how hard Rachel tried she just couldn't reach the blonde. At least she had slept. The night before she hadn't even managed to fall asleep.

"Sure." The boy agreed, a bit taken back from the excessive cheerfulness. Then he shrugged it off. This was Rachel after all. She was overly dramatic. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

"Alright, go ahead." The brunette said rubbing her burning eyes. Not sleeping was really killing her. She blinked a couple of times trying to focus her attention on Finn.

"I had fun at Puck's party."

"Me too." Rachel agreed, not really understanding the non sequitur. But she had had fun at Puck's, even if she hadn't felt the spark she had expected to feel with him. Being with Finn had made her feel good, but not special, not like last year.

"Good, good…" Finn replied shuffling a bit with his feet. Rachel looked on, curious about what was making the boy so uncomfortable. "So, well… what do you think about the prom?"

"Well school dances can be seen as a bit outdated but, in my opinion, giving the chance to the teenagers to dress up for a night and relating with their peers under different social rules, in a more classic and structured context is a good experience to have." _"It lets young girls dream prom is just the first gala they'll be at. Just like a dress rehearsal."_ She added in her mind wistfully. "And it gives them a chance to try something different, to realize that a night spent dancing doesn't have to be a party to be fun."

"That's… insightful…" Finn commented fidgeting a bit more. "…but I meant more what would you say about you and me at the prom."

Rachel stood there, not saying anything for a long moment, not really understanding what Finn meant. "Are you asking me to the prom?" She asked to be sure they were on the same page. Her tiredness wasn't helping.

"Yes." Finn confirmed with a nod and a grin.

The oddity of the invitation left Rachel a bit flat footed, not really knowing what to do. This wasn't like she had dreamed to be asked to go to the prom. It was all wrong. There was no romanticism in his words, no sweet gestures. And he wasn't her longtime boyfriend. He wasn't even her boyfriend, for crying out loud.

A part of Rachel wanted to say yes. Because she really wanted to go to the prom, no matter whatever else was happening in her life. She had dreamed of it since middle school. It would be her magical night, just a foretaste of what would be her life when her dreams would become reality.

Her only fear about prom night had been being dateless for it. And Rachel had decide early on that she wouldn't go alone because in her mind it would be the final proof she really was a loser like everybody had said to her for years. _"Lucy promised me I wouldn't have to go alone, that she would be my date…" _But that promise wouldn't become a reality.

But wanting to go to the prom wasn't enough to say yes to Finn, even if there wasn't people standing in line to ask her out.

"We aren't dating Finn." Rachel pointed out still trying to wrap her mind around his question. Because really, if she had to ask him if he was inviting her to the prom, his invitation had been at least unclear, let alone unromantic.

"No, we aren't…" He repeated, not really sure of what she was saying. He didn't really understand just why she hadn't already said yes. Last year, when they had been together, she had told him more than once that she fantasized to go to the prom to the arm of a dashing date. He was offering her the chance to realize her dream.

"You realize I'm not in love with you." Rachel told softly, looking in his eyes. She didn't want him to believe she loved him, not when she didn't. The single heart she had broken because she had been careless was more than enough for Rachel.

"I know that." Finn nodded earnestly. "But we could date and see if we could fall in love again, no? After all that's what dating is for, isn't it? It would give us a second chance… make things work…"

Rachel stood there for a moment, idly asking herself just how Finn could be saying what she had wished to hear from Quinn Saturday. Not that she had realized it then. It would have been too simple. No, Rachel had only understood what she had really wanted when Quinn had told her there wouldn't be a second chance for them because she hadn't changed.

But it wasn't Quinn standing in front of her right now. It was Finn and she had to give him an answer.

Rachel took another moment to look in Finn's eyes, trying to understand if he really meant it. All she could see was that he was sincere. He wanted this second chance, he wanted her, wanted her like she was now. And suddenly that was enough for her. "Yes Finn, I'll go with you." She even mustered a genuine smile at his joyous whoop. Maybe this wasn't like she had always dreamed, but reality seldom was. And maybe she had to begin to accept it.

"Great." He beamed, hugging her and kissing her on the lips. It was just a peck. "I'll let you know when I'll come to get you Friday, alright?"

"Perfect." She smiled back at him shouldering her backpack, once more ignoring the feeling of wrongness she had felt in his arms.

xxx

"So… I heard you told yes when Finn asked you to the prom."

Mercedes prompted causing Rachel to choke on her rice. She shook her head negating while gasping between the coughs. Brittany offered her a glass of water.

"Don't be dramatic Rachel…" Mercedes said rolling her eyes at the scene. "Since when you're back together? I want details…"

Rachel gulped down the water, trying to catch her breath. It was then she saw Quinn. The blonde wasn't two feet behind Mercedes. And from her face she had heard about Finn asking her to the prom. The blonde was practically quivering with anger.

Mercedes went on rambling about Finn and her but the brunette wasn't really hearing her anymore. Her gaze was locked on Quinn, who had to have the worst timing in history.

Rachel felt her blood freeze. She was an idiot. She had said yes to Finn impulsively, without really thinking about anything but feeling better after an horrible weekend.

She wasn't the only one to notice the head cheerleader presence. Tina and Kurt, who were eating at her same side of the table were trying to make sign to shut up to Mercedes who blithely ignored them. "You sure work fast… only, what? A week ago? He was Quinn's boyfriend and now…"

Rachel knew as soon as Mercedes words come out that no matter what she said she wouldn't be able to calmly explain this to the blonde and make her see she hadn't done it to hurt her or as some sort of revenge. She tried anyway even if she was still out of breath after all the coughing. "Quinn, it's not what it seems, really, please…"

But Quinn just turned and stalked away. Scrambling, Rachel got up and followed the blonde almost running, leaving their stunned friends in an awkward silence.

"Quinn, wait!" Rachel called out, finally reaching the blonde in the desert hallway past the cafeteria's doors. "Quinn just let me explain!"

"Explain what?" Quinn snarled turning to face Rachel, shaking from the emotions. "How you didn't lose any time, dwarf?"

"You left him Quinn…" Rachel reminded her softly, trying to calm down the situation. It was only now that she saw the pain in Quinn's eyes. She instinctively responded to it, softening her voice even more and trying to be non-confrontational. "Told me it would be alright to go out with him…"

"Well, have fun with my sloppy seconds… _loser_…"

Rachel didn't know what it was that made her so angry. Maybe it was hearing Quinn call her a loser. Maybe it was having Quinn angry at her once again. Maybe it was seeing Quinn about to walk away, like in her nightmares. Or maybe it was only the lack of sleep that made her irritable. Whatever it was it was enough to make Rachel rethink her stance. "What the hell Quinn!" She shouted grabbing the blonde's arm before the blonde could leave.

"Let me go, dwarf!" Quinn demanded struggling against the hold, but the grip was too tight to be broken.

"No, I won't let you go, Quinn…" Rachel replied stubbornly. "What was all this about?"

"Are you a complete idiot too?" Quinn lashed out still fighting the hold Rachel had on her. The only result was that the small brunette tightened the grip some more. "Even if you're a self-absorbed diva it should be clear enough it was about you fucking agreeing to go to the prom with Finn!"

"Oh, I got it alright." Rachel snarled, getting angry at Quinn's words. "What you don't get is that you don't have the right to be mad!"

"The fuck I don't have." Quinn snarled right back.

"You. Left. Finn." Rachel spelled out challenging the blonde. _"You didn't want me."_ But that hurt too much to say out loud. "So just what gives you the right?"

And just like that all the fight left Quinn. The blonde averted her eyes since she didn't have an answer to it. Not one she could or would admit to.

"You cut yourself from my life, Quinn…" Rachel reminded her coldly, not really in the mood to cater to Quinn's obvious hurt over something she had made clear it wouldn't be of interest to her. "… you told me there wasn't a chance to forgive or forget… you told me you wouldn't forgive me…" In any other moment there would have been pain in Rachel's words but now there was only anger. Oh, how angry she felt. Angry at Mercedes, angry at Quinn, angry at herself. Angry at this situation where nothing really made sense. "And that's alright… but you have no right to be part my life now… no right, Quinn… and it was your decision, so live with it..."

Quinn jerkily nodded once, then turned and left.

Rachel watched her go, still shaking with rage but blinking back the tears. She had just messed up again.

xxx

Santana, and the rest of the room, watched Quinn storm out of the cafeteria, followed a second later by Rachel. She had got to the table just in time to hear the end of Mercedes' rambling and the effect the news had on Quinn.

For a long moment Santana just stood there, forcing down the need to follow them. It wasn't her place to interfere, not yet at least. But she was keeping a careful eye on Berry. No matter how innocently the little brunette acted, Santana knew she was more than capable of hurting Quinn. And apparently the problems between the two were far from resolved.

"Santana!"

At the sound of her name the Latina turned. "Yeah?"

"Well? You know what was all about?" Mercedes prodded her.

"Whatever." Santana replied with a bored tone going to sit down in the last free space, incidentally near Brittany. She wouldn't betray her captain's confidence on the matter. "I don't care."

She began eating glaring at everybody who prodded her for more info. They got the message soon enough turning to one another to speculate about the reasons behind Quinn's reaction at the news. It was soon clear everybody thought it was another fight over who got to be Finn's girlfriend. _"Yeah, like Finnept is someone worth to fight over…."_

Once she was satisfied that nobody had the least idea of what was really happening between Quinn and Rachel, Santana turned her attention on the other bit of news she had overheard in the cafeteria. The one she cared more about. _"Brittany has broken up with Artie."_ She had to fight to keep her smile of giddiness hidden at the thought.

"So, what happened with Artie, Britt?" After all she still didn't know if it was a real break up, or a bad fight break up. And Santana really didn't want to get her hopes up for nothing.

"He told me I'm dumb." Seeing the sadness in the blonde eyes just about killed Santana. Sure, she had wanted Brittany and Artie to break up, but not this way. In her mind Brittany always dumped, sweetly, but still dumped, Wheels. Or they agreed to split up because they weren't working. She hadn't ever thought that Artie would callously hurt Brittany.

"What?" Santana asked gruffly, trying to control the sudden impulse to get up and go to strangle the little idiot.

"It's not like I don't know I'm dumb, but it hurt San." It was clear Brittany was just about keeping her tears from falling.

"You're not dumb, Britt." Santana reassured her friend softly, squeezing her hand to comfort her. "You're just different smart."

Santana spent the lunch time comforting Brittany, pretty much ignoring her food. Seeing the blonde sad had killed her appetite. So she had tried to distract her talking about the choreography of their latest glee number, aided by Tina and Mike. Santana shot them a grateful smile for their help.

When the bell finally rang Santana got up, Brittany's hand still in hers, and began telling the blonde stupid stories of when she was little, slowly walking with her to class. Santana smiled softly when Brittany finally laughed at one of them.

"Thanks, San. You're very sweet." The taller blonde thanked her with a kiss on the cheek. "See you at Glee." The blonde waved goodbye before skipping down another hallway.

"Sure thing, Britt." Santana called out, waiting another moment before turning around. Now that the important thing had been done the only thing that remained to do was threatening Wheels for what he had done. She just had to find him. Smirking sadistically Santana began her search.

She didn't even notice how fast the other students ducked in the classrooms or the bathrooms in order to escape her.

xxx

Rachel's voice was beautiful. Brittany had always liked it, loved it really.

But today Brittany was more listening to what Rachel was singing than how she was doing it. She had followed the singer in the auditorium, the place where Rachel hid every time she was upset, for this very reason.

After what happened at lunch Brittany had decided it was time to talk to Rachel about her relationship, or lack of, with Quinn and maybe steer her in the right direction. Or at least give her a clue about the consequence her words had had on Quinn. Because if Brittany was sure of something was that Quinn and especially Rachel were making a mess of solving the situation between them.

Brittany didn't have the whole story but she had enough pieces, and knew Quinn enough, to understand what was going on at least in broad terms. After opening up to her Friday night, Quinn had talked some more to both Santana and her Saturday, after Rachel had left. But even if the head cheerleader had made great strides in opening more about herself, she was far from being at ease doing it, so she kept things short and to the point. And neither Santana nor herself had had the heart to ask her for more, given how hard talking about Rachel was on Quinn.

And Brittany had figured out she owed it to Quinn to help her. After all the blonde had made Santana talk to her again, really talk to her. And Brittany suspected Quinn had even talked to Santana about being a lesbian or at least about the feelings the brunette had for her. She wasn't certain, but after Quinn had rekindled their vanishing friendship the Latina had seemed much more sure of herself. Santana really didn't seem quite so scared. She laughed more, was more carefree and much less self-conscious around her. And it was a beautiful thing to see.

Brittany had winched when she had walked in the auditorium and heard the closing words of _Gives You Hell_. The brunette more than any other in their club used singing to express her feelings and Rachel had sang this song before, when she was angry at Finn for having broken up with her. And if all Rachel felt towards Quinn was anger, the happy ending that Brittany hoped for her best friend wouldn't happen.

So, when the opening words of _Get It Right_ followed the ending ones of _Gives You Hell_, Brittany sighed in relief and sat down in the last row, waiting for the song to end before approaching Rachel. It wouldn't do to cut off the brunette now.

_All that you touch tumbles down_

_Oh, my best intentions_

_Keep making a mess of things_

_I just wanna fix it somehow_

_But how many times will it take?_

_Oh, how many times will it take?_

_To get it right_

_To get it right _

It was an outstanding performance even for Rachel. She was baring her soul and Brittany felt tears gather in her eyes at the emotions behind the words. It was clear Rachel was hurting for this situation as much as Quinn was, even if she didn't seem to know how to show it right. But then again Quinn too wasn't exactly the best at letting others know what she was feeling.

Once the song ended Rachel just stood there, her eyes closed, evidently trying to rein her feelings back. Brittany took this chance to walk up to the stage. "Hey." She greeted softly, not wanting to startle the brunette who was oblivious to the world.

"Hi Brittany." Rachel's smile was small, and sad, but Brittany could see it so she smiled back. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to be alone for a bit." The dancer replied leaning against the stage and resting her head on one hand.

"I can leave if you want…" Rachel offered tentatively.

The blonde smiled at her offer. Rachel really was a thoughtful person but for when it came to singing. Every single time the word Broadway come up in some form she immediately got so focused that everything else just disappeared for her. It wasn't healthy. "No, there is no need. I'm just feeling a bit down." At Rachel's concerned look she added. "I'm sad for what happened with Artie."

"Oh. I'm so sorry for what happened, Brittany." Rachel sat on the edge of the stage near the blonde, folding her legs and putting her arms on them. They just stood there in silence for a bit before the brunette spoke again. "Artie is a good person but sometimes he just doesn't see how his actions can affect others. I heard from Mercedes what happened, and I believe Artie didn't really meant what he said. It was probably a spur of the moment thing. He was concerned by others things and felt insecure maybe. His words are just a result of this…" At the slightly lost look on Brittany's face Rachel realized she was rambling so she stopped, took a deep breath and got to the point. "I'm just trying to say that you aren't stupid, Brittany. You know that, don't you?"

"Thanks Rachel, but it doesn't really matter, you know? It's not about being stupid or not. I know I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. It's Artie saying that that hurt." Brittany looked right in brunette's eyes before going on. "I trusted him to not hurt me, Rachel. And he did all the same."

Brittany saw Rachel swallowing hard, hunching her shoulders a bit. "I'm sure he didn't mean to. Artie was more than likely just under some misplaced worry about the future of your relationship. He was probably just scared and, caught in the moment, he messed up…" The words were faster and faster until Rachel just stopped, a stricken look on her face. It was then that Brittany was sure that Rachel had got the similarities between Artie's actions and her own. When the brunette spoke again it was a soft voice, like she was more speaking to herself than Brittany. "He didn't mean it. He just didn't mean it." Suddenly, Rachel couldn't quite look in the blonde's eyes anymore. "Artie cares about you, Brittany."

"Maybe." The blonde conceded. "But he said it to me. And now a part of me wonders if I'm just too stupid to be with someone. To not be manipulated." Rachel fidgeting made clear she was following her words and finding out they were hitting a little too close to home for comfort. Brittany didn't want to hurt Rachel but she didn't know another way to help the brunette to realize just what consequences her actions had had. "If I'm just not good enough…" Brittany hadn't chosen those last words by chance.

"What?" Rachel's turned her head fast enough to risk whiplash. "You're good enough to be with anyone Brittany!"

Brittany remained in silence for thinking about what to say and how to say a bit before speaking again. "How can I know that, Rachel? Artie said he was sorry but…" The blonde shrugged studying Rachel carefully. The brunette seemed close to realize what she was trying to tell her without telling her. This making people realize their mistakes thing was harder than she thought.

"You don't believe him?" The brunette voice was small, and a bit hurt.

"Not really because this isn't something he can just say he is sorry for." Brittany really believed that. And it didn't hurt to spell it out to Rachel. Sometimes the little singer was just too bright for her own good. "Trust doesn't work that way."

"But what if he would prove it to you? Show you he is really changed?" There was a tiny bit of desperation in Rachel's tone that told Brittany the brunette had finally understood what she was trying to say. "Would you consider going back with him?"

"It would be hard to trust him again Rachel…" Brittany looked right in Rachel's eyes saying that. She let her see the hurt Artie's words had caused because she doubted Quinn would ever do it with her own pain. And unlike Quinn, or Santana for that matter, Brittany had always believed that admitting to be scared didn't make her any less strong. Seeing Rachel flinch back at the pain in her eyes, told Brittany the brunette had imagined just how Quinn had to feel. Good, Brittany didn't want the brunette to walk away from this conversation believing it would be easy, or fast, regaining Quinn's trust. "…but it could happen. Maybe some part of me would wonder if he would hurt me again. At least for some time. But you can't have a relationship without trust."

"Yeah." Rachel agreed quietly, lost in her thoughts. "Yeah..."

xxx

"Wheels! I have to speak to you."

The sadistic sneer on Santana's face made Artie really wish to have two able legs. And being a sprinter. He had seen Santana angry more time he could count, but never like this. And she was angry at him if her practically stalking up to him was any indication.

"I haven't done anything!" Artie cried, slowly beginning to move his chair down the hallway in the direction from where he had come, trying to subtly remove himself from the furious Latina. He had thought he had built some immunity to Santana's wrath given all the exposure he had had with Glee and all that. He was wrong. Angry Santana was as scary now as before.

"Oh, you did…" Santana snarled closing the remaining distance. "You can bet you did little shithead."

"Whatever it was I didn't mean it." Artie tried again to appease her, still inching towards salvation. Maybe if he reached the next hallway he would find someone there who would stop Santana. Who was he kidding, nobody in his right mind would try to stop Santana. He was toast.

"Whatever you meant it or not I don't care. You have done it. That's more than enough." Santana was practically growling by now. "And stop trying to run away." She reached to block one of his wheels with her foot. Artie gulped. Now he was stuck without an escape. He was at Santana's mercy, who didn't look like she had any to spare today. "I'm talking to you and you will listen. And listen very carefully."

She glared at him until he caved. "Alright." Artie agreed, squirming uncomfortably under that enraged stare. Santana let him fidget for another moment before speaking again.

"You told Brittany she was stupid."

The words dripped venom, and Artie asked himself, not for the first time, just what had possessed him to say something like that. It didn't only cost him his girlfriend. It put him on top of Santana's shitlist. And it wasn't even surprising. Everybody knew Santana protected Brittany. She always had. And even if the two of them hadn't hanged out a lot this few weeks he should have remembered it.

"…yeah?" Artie admitted nervously.

"It wasn't a question." Santana ground out in a tone that literally froze his blood. Artie found out that existed something more fear filling than a bristling, Spanish spouting, Santana. It was the cool and collected one in front of him right now. "You know my position about people who mock or insult Brittany…" Artie only gulped, already seeing his gruesome death. "… but apparently, for some unfathomable reason, she is fond of you. You should thank her for that, because it's the only reason I'll just let you know what would happen to you instead of doing it." She explained in a cold, calm tone that, her words obviously chosen with care. This Santana was so angry that she had become unnaturally calm. Like she didn't care. It terrorized Artie. "Consider this your first and last free pass." Her glare had him pinned and suddenly Artie found breathing difficult. "I'll be clear. It's in your best interest to get what I mean, and get it right. You're following me?" Santana waited for his shaky nod before going on. "You ever tell Brittany something like that again, or imply that, or disrespect her in anyway and you'll find out just how hard moving a wheelchair with both arms broken can be. Clear?"

"Clear." Artie replied in a fearful voice.

But Santana hadn't even stayed to hear his answer, she had already stalked away.

xxx

Seeing Quinn duck in one of the bathrooms, Rachel took a deep breath and followed the Cheerio. Now that she had calmed down their shouting match seemed silly and irrational. They had fought once more over Finn. Practically all their fights were over him. But this time there was more to it than Finn. He was just a pretext.

And Rachel didn't think it was the first time he was just used as a pretext happened. Before she had had simply disregarded the idea, chalking it up to flights of fancy on her part, because really, what other reason Quinn and her could have to argue? But looking back now, knowing what she knew about Quinn's feelings for her, Rachel couldn't help but ask herself just how many other times Finn had been only a pretext. Their talk when writing their original song come to mind. Now Rachel could clearly see just how Quinn hadn't been speaking about Finn at all, but about Rachel and herself. She hadn't understood then.

But that was the matter for another day, she was more concerned about what had happened today, because this time Rachel knew for sure the reasons of their argument were bogus, at least on her part. Quinn's too probably, considering that she had left Finn this time around and from what the boy had told her she hadn't been a bit broken hearted by it.

And if one took out Finn from the picture the only reason Quinn had to get angry at her date with the quarterback was jealously. Jealously about who Rachel dated.

And if Quinn was jealous it meant she still loved her. Now it was only a matter of making her admit it, and then make her gave another chance. And after a suitable period of groveling and courting on Rachel's part, they would be together once more.

Rachel found Quinn in front of a mirror touching up her make up before Glee.

Hearing the door open the hazel eyes shot up, found her, and then went back to their precedent task.

Rachel closed the door behind her and leaned against it, ensuring their privacy. It had took only a quick look to notice the stalls' doors were all open. They were the only ones in the bathroom. Good. This wasn't a talk she wanted overheard. And Mercedes had proved just today how easy it was to be overheard in this school.

"I'm sorry for earlier." Rachel began. _"I'm sorry for hurting you… again…"_ "I didn't think how you would feel about me going out with Finn. It was insensitive of me.. "

"It doesn't matter Rachel." Quinn said, still not looking at the brunette. "You were right, it's not my business." _"not anymore… not for a long time…"_

"No, _you_ were right. It was self-centered of me." No matter what Rachel had told herself the blonde's words had made her question herself. And maybe Quinn wasn't all that wrong. After what had happened three years ago she had changed, but maybe it wasn't enough. "Maybe I really didn't change that much."

The cheerleader didn't say anything for a bit, focusing on washing her hands. "I shouldn't have insulted you." Quinn apologized. "That was uncalled for from my part."

"I didn't mean it when I told you to stay out of my life." Rachel admitted, closely studying the cheerleader's reflection for a reaction. She didn't see one. Apparently Quinn's mask was back on. "I don't want that."

Quinn dried her hands and finally turned to face Rachel. She looked at her for a long moment before speaking. Rachel saw a flash of something in the hazel eyes. Maybe a fleeting hope. Or maybe regret. She couldn't say. It was just an instant then it was gone and the usual coldness all she could see once more. "This isn't working, Rachel."

"What do you mean?" The brunette asked cautiously. She didn't like Quinn's tone.

"Since you found out about my being Lucy we're constantly fighting, Rachel." Quinn was speaking softly, like she did when she really meant something. It was much easier to read the cheerleader now. "Maybe we should just go back to treat each other like we did before."

"We fought before too." The brunette pointed out, cocking her head to one side.

"Not like this." Quinn shook her head. The only difference Rachel could see was that know she knew there was more behind their fights than what was apparent. "We could just forget about the whole thing. No more past history." There was a bit of desperation in Quinn's tone. One that spoke of tiredness and fear. Rachel felt a little sick realizing that the blonde was scared of her, of a possible relationship with her. "We were getting to be friendly acquaintances and it suited us."

"You want just to go back to that?" Rachel asked studying the taller girl carefully. "You want to go back to say, _hello_ and _goodbye_ and nothing more?"

Quinn looked away, simply repeating what she had already said. "This really isn't working Rachel."

The brunette didn't know if Quinn was trying to convince her or herself, but she was sure she was the first to not believe it.

"No, it isn't." Rachel agreed but not for Quinn's reasons. She wanted more than what Quinn was willing, or better yet, able, to give to her now. Because it was clear what Brittany had made her realize was true. She had hurt Quinn so bad the blonde didn't trust her. Hell, she had hurt her so bad the brunette wanted to cry in sympathy and find a way to hurt herself as a punishment. But that wasn't what was really important now, because Rachel couldn't help but suspect that Quinn wanted to trust her again. So the brunette nodded once, decisively. "We'll go back to be like before."

Quinn's relief and the hint of regret at her promise were easy to see. But the blonde hadn't really understood what she had meant. Because with _before _Rachel meant like when they had been happy together. And she wouldn't stop until she got it. She was stubborn that way.

xxx

**So twelve chapters to get them to the point where Quinn knows she wants to be with Rachel but is too scared to be with her, and to make Rachel realize she still loves Quinn and she'll really try to get her back.**

**Now they have just to get together. Easy…**


	13. Chapter 13

**As always thanks for the reviews, the alerts and favorites. Special thanks to joan0md who took the time to tell me if what I meant to say with the last chapter was clear or not for the readers.**

**I meant to update yesterday, but after last chapter I promised myself to not write anymore at 3 am.**

**Note: for the sake of this story Cheerleading National competitions are held in late spring.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Chapter 13**

Mr Shue strode in the choir room ten minutes later than usual. But it wasn't the lateness that worried everybody in the room, it was the large smile on his face that did it. It was his _I have an idea_ smile. And every single Glee kid knew how his brilliant ideas turned out. It didn't bode well for them.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it, guys?" Will greeted, making a beeline for his desk, practically skipping from giddiness.

"We're doomed." Quinn whispered in Santana's hear at Shue's display of happiness. The Latina only nodded, silently agreeing with her captain.

"Just this morning I got a brilliant idea for nationals." Shue said, taking the various intelligible mumbles the students uttered as greetings. "One of our pieces will be a duet!" He paused for dramatic effect, then he went on with a lopsided smile. "I still haven't decided who will sing it, or what the song will be… but we'll sing a duet a New York!"

"Such a detailed idea…" Santana mumbled making Brittany and Quinn laugh. "Someone, someway will sing something."

"At least we know where we'll sing it." Quinn deadpanned.

"Shue didn't have to decide that." Santana pointed out.

"Exactly." Quinn nodded sagely, cracking up the Latina.

"And just to make things more interesting… we'll use the hat." Will blithely ignored the groans, gleefully producing said hat from his bag. Quinn was really beginning to think he had an hat fetish on top of his vest one. "I have already prepared slips of paper with all your names. So all we need to do is draw..."

"Mr Shue?" Santana cut in already having had enough of Mr Shue's idea. She hadn't any intention to end up being partnered with Wheels or Dwarf, or whoever else, not when she could spend quality time with Brittany.

"Yeah Santana?"

"I'll sing with Brittany…" The Latina stated, taking the blonde's hand in hers. The blonde smiled at her gesture, and Santana winked back, before turning to face Will.

Quinn watched the exchange with a soft smile. It warmed her heart finally seeing her two best friends get along like this once again, slowly but steadily moving closer to a relationship. Yesterday Brittany had been bouncing around with an ecstatic smile after Santana had sang _Songbird_ to her. The taller blonde had told her all about it when they had met at the afternoon Cheerios' practice, all the while holding Santana's hand. As soon as Brittany had turned her head to greet another girl, Quinn had given thumbs up to Santana and mouthed _romantic_. Santana had only glared at her, slightly blushing.

Quinn was happy for them, really happy.

"Santana you can't just decide like this…" Will said. He frowned. "Someone could have a problem with it…"

"Someone has a problem with it?" Santana asked in a no nonsense tone, turning to glare at every single person present, just to make her point more clear. There was a collective shaking of heads. Nobody was quite as stupid as to try to get between Brittany and Santana. For good measure Artie kept his eyes trained on his lap. After their talk in the hallway, avoiding all that concerned Santana and Brittany seemed very wise to him. "That's solved, Mr Shue."

"…good, good…" His voice trailed off for a moment. He found scary just how, with a single glance, Santana could intimidate a whole room of kids. "I'll just take your names out then." Will did just that, before going on like nothing had happened. "To make things quick I'll draw the names, ok?" Nobody bothered to answer, resigned to their fate. "So, Mike…" Shue said reading the first slip of paper and quickly drawing another. "…will sing with Artie. Good, next couple…"

The last four names in the hat were those of Finn, Kurt, Rachel and Quinn.

Rachel could hear whispers begin around the choir room. Lauren and Puck seemed to argue if a duet between Quinn and her would lead to a fistfight and who would win it. Quinn's showdown with Santana at the beginning of the year gave them more confidence in the blonde because both of them agreed the blonde would end up on top. Apparently Rachel was still a too much an unknown regarding fighting to bet on. Mercedes and Tina were discussing what couple would create most angst, if Finn and Quinn, or the blonde and her.

Rachel clenched her teeth hearing that, then she took a deep breath to calm down. She had heard rumors about what had happened at lunch yesterday as soon as she had stepped in the school. There had been talk of a showdown in the hallway, a full out catfight for Finn's affections. Rachel had almost laughed at the absurdity of that. The sole idea to lay an hand in rage on Quinn made her a little sick. Their fight had been today's hot topic and the amusing thing was that people at school didn't know half of it. The only surprising thing, at least to Rachel, was that the Muckraker didn't write anything about it. After the last days where the paper had targeted the Glee kids, she had feared of what there could be written on Quinn's and hers fight. But there hadn't been a single line about it. Strange.

Rachel was looking intently at Mr Shue hands as he grabbed the hat once again. She didn't know if she was hoping to end up with Quinn or not. Working with her was always beautiful, when they didn't fight at least. But Rachel didn't really know if she was anywhere ready to spend so much time with Quinn. Now that she had realized her feelings for the blonde, and Quinn had asked to go back to be friendly acquaintances, Rachel didn't really know how to behave around her.

Rachel wanted to make the blonde change her mind about them, make her realize she really had changed. But she would have to be careful since she had agreed with the whole friendly acquaintances idea. And that was without considering that the blonde thought she was dating Finn again. And the last thing that Rachel wanted was to make Quinn feel like the other woman.

Finn. That was another problem. Another the brunette had made all by herself. She had made a huge mistake yesterday accepting his invite. But damn, she had felt alone and sad, and Finn had made her felt a bit better. He had offered her a way to make one of her dreams come true. And he had asked Rachel to give him exactly what Quinn had negated to her, a second chance. Saying yes had been easy but so stupid.

Rachel hadn't thought things through and she had realized too late her actions would hurt Quinn. The only good thing that come out from their fight was the realization that Quinn was jealous. It was the first real clue Rachel had that the blonde still felt something for her. The fight had finally made her pull her head out of her ass, well that and Brittany's not so casual story about her and Artie and the consequences of his actions. She would have to thank the blonde for that little talk.

Rachel sighed again. There wasn't an easy or fast way to fix things. Not with Quinn and neither with Finn.

Now she had just find a way to do it. After she resolved the Finn problem. Easier said than done.

Rachel knew she couldn't very well go to Finn and tell him she didn't want to go with him to the prom only the day after having accepted his invite. It would crush him. And she was really tired of hurting people. Lately it seemed it was all she did, no matter her intentions. So, her plan was more along the lines to spend as little time with him as possible, go to the prom, maybe go to another date after that and then tell him it wasn't working. She wouldn't lead him on, but she couldn't very well tell him he was just the rebound guy and their second chance was doomed before they even tried.

"Rachel…" Shue called out, already drawing the second name. Her heart began to beat wildly. _"please not Finn… not Finn… please…"_ "…and Finn."

That hat hated her. Rachel was sure of it. Or maybe it was Mr Shue who hated her. She let out shaking breath. This complicated the things. There was no way to avoid Finn now. They had done enough duets together for him to know how much she worked with her partner.

She watched Quinn get up and go talk with Kurt. As always the blonde seemed calm and collected, like nothing could touch her. Rachel envied her mask of calm as Finn sat near her and she couldn't help to fidget nervously with her hands. He looked happy, if his smile was anything to go by. It made her feel even worse.

"And to make things more interesting." Shue proclaimed putting an handful of new slips of paper in the hat. "I have already choose several songs. So ready?"

"What? We can't even choose the song?" Mercedes, who had ended up with Tina, protested loudly. "That's absurd."

"Guys we're here to try new things. So I put together duets from several genres, like country, R&B, pop, even a bit of rock. Just to mix thing up." There were more groans. "Guys we need to do it. We need to change, try new things. Trying songs that you usually wouldn't choose is good practice." Shue stated firmly. And if it wasn't for the excited smile Rachel would even have believed him. She didn't even want to know how he choose them. "So, who wants to go first?"

Quinn rolled her eyes but got up, getting an grateful nod from Kurt, who looked like a man about to be hanged. He was probably imagining just what songs Shue had choose. A mistake in Quinn's opinion, more so considering the genres he had just listed.

The blonde almost crashed to floor when Rachel slammed into her. The brunette had got up too and in her hast to get to the hat had lost balance. The entire room froze, waiting for Quinn to lash into Rachel.

"I'm sorry, really sorry I just…" Quinn held up a hand to silence the brunette. Rachel bit her lip looking down at the floor waiting to be blasted away.

"It's okay." Quinn said in a matter of fact tone taking her time to straighten her uniform. The whole room let out a sigh of relief. "It happens." She added graciously but still very formal.

Rachel's eyes raised and meet the hazel ones for a moment before darting away. "Still, I'm sorry. That was very clumsy of me." The brunette cleared her throat. "Would you mind very much if I went first?" She asked waving an hand toward Mr Shue.

"Go ahead." The blonde replied politely.

"Thanks Quinn." Rachel said just as politely.

Quinn only nodded. Neither of the girls noticed the startles looks the other kids exchanged at the almost painfully polite but not at all friendly conversation.

With shaking hands that hadn't anything to do with the scary chance to end up with a Journey's songs Rachel went to read the slip of paper she had just draw. She turned to Finn hiding a grimace. "_My Boo_"

"Cool I get to sing Usher!" Rachel only nodded at Finn's reply making her way to her chair. She cursed her luck again. Obviously their song had to be a love song.

"Estelle, _American boy_." Quinn read from her own slip.

"I get to be Estelle." Kurt called out. He looked relieved, almost enthusiastic about their song.

Quinn raised her eyebrow, then she shrugged. He had just left her the part of the rapper who were notoriously bad singers. He was insulting her and doing it not too subtly. But she let it go. She really didn't care one way or the other and he was a better singer than her. They would have to rearrange the song either way. "Alright."

The others didn't fare much better, neither Artie nor Mike seemed happy about having to sing _(I've had) The time of my life_. They both cringed when Artie read the title. The only ones who seemed somewhat satisfied by their song were Brittany and Santana who got Janet Jackson's _Call on me_.

Once everyone couple had their song Mr Shue dismissed them to begin to work on their duets, since they would be due for the next week. At the news that the hat would be used to choose the performance order more groans were heard.

It would be a long week.

xxx

"We made good progress." Kurt said handing Quinn her cup before turning to take his. And they had. Kurt hadn't never realized the blonde was that good with music. Sure, she wasn't a great singer, but she knew how to arrange a song. She hadn't said anything but Kurt suspected she had spent years studying music, just not singing. She was so good at it that it wouldn't surprise him to find out she wrote her own music too.

"Yeah." Quinn agreed with a smile, taking a sip of coffee. Working with Kurt had been fun, and blessedly free of any emotional drama. In a little over two hours they had made great progress in rearranging _American boy_.

"Cookie?" Kurt offered, getting a foil covered plate from the counter. "Finn's mom just made them…"

"Sure…" Quinn took one and munched on it. They were really good. She had missed Carole's cooking. Apparently feeding her son's lying cheating ex-girlfriend, or girlfriend, depending on the moment, wasn't high on her priority list.

"Hey, you already got the cookies out." Finn said from the doorway, announcing his presence. Hungry, he rounded the table and made a beeline to the plate. Rachel went directly to sit at the table, smiling in greeting to Kurt and Quinn. "We got here just in time." Finn took a cookie, stuffed it in his mouth, then took another. "Rach, you have to try this, it's great."

Instinctively Quinn grabbed his wrist before his hand reached Rachel.

"What the fuck Quinn!" Finn asked startled by her reaction.

"Rachel is vegan, Finn." Quinn explained without releasing him. To be honest she tightened her grip a bit. It felt good to see him wince. _"Nothing is better than petty revenge." _With some effort _s_he hid her satisfied smirk behind a severe glare.

"So? It's only a cookie." Finn asked confused.

Kurt could barely held in the laugh at the scene and from the looks of it Rachel wasn't faring much better. Half stretched across the table, one arm immobilized by a frowning Quinn, the other hand awkwardly resting on the tabletop to hold his overbalanced weigh and with a confused expression on his face, Finn looked really foolish.

"There are butter and eggs in it." The tall boy looked more confused. Quinn turned to look at Rachel raising an eyebrow in question. The brunette only shrugged, embarrassed by his obliviousness. Quinn couldn't believe it. Finn had dated Rachel for months and didn't know what she could eat? It was hard to resist temptation to tighten her grip even harder. She didn't only because she wouldn't be able to explain it away. Finn would chalk up the first squeeze to her being mean, but a second one would raise questions even from him."Vegans don't eat anything derived from animals, Finn." Now he looked lost. _"And to say I'm the blonde one here…"_ She sighed. "It means no meat, no fish, no butter, no milk, no eggs, you got what I mean?" This time the quarterback nodded so she released her grip. Finn put the cookie back in the plate shooting a sheepish look to Rachel. "Don't you have anything that's vegan?" Quinn prodded already sick of his bad imitation of a contrite look.

"I don't think so." Finn replied looking at Kurt who shook his head.

"Alright." Quinn said taking charge of the situation. "You have bananas and strawberries?" After checking in the fruit basket Finn nodded. "Then just make a fruit salad with them for Rachel."

Kurt almost laughed again at seeing Finn scramble to execute Quinn's order. They sure were an unconventional couple as head cheerleaders and quarterbacks went.

"Thanks Quinn." Rachel said quietly with a grateful smile. It was frustrating to always remind Finn that she was vegan. The boy seemed incapable to remember what it meant for any length of time. Maybe Quinn's glare would do the trick. The blonde only nodded back, taking another sip of coffee, once more retreating behind her usual unflappable mask. "So," Rachel asked wanting to talk with some more with her. "Are you and Kurt taking a break?"

"No, we're done for today." Quinn's tone wasn't warm, but it wasn't even cold. It was polite but reserved. Apparently the blonde had decided to stick to their deal of friendly acquaintances. But not totally. She had just gone out of her way to provide Rachel with a snack. The brunette didn't know if it had been an intentional slipup or not but either way it was a good sign. "You?"

"We too." After only a couple of hours Rachel was sure that working on _My Boo_ with Finn would be problematic. The boy couldn't help but smile constantly when they practiced while Rachel only felt awkward. "I'm leaving just after this snack." Rachel added wanting to inform Quinn that she wouldn't spend other time with Finn, that the day wouldn't end in a date. "I have to go home for dinner and I still need to do some homework before it."

"But Rachel." Kurt whined cutting in the polite exchange drawing the attention of both girls. "It's like, years, that we don't talk!"

"I'm sorry." She apologized contritely. It was true, they hadn't really talked in weeks. Their last real talk had been about the one about Lucy. And from the looks of it Kurt really wanted to talk to her. In those last weeks she had neglected her friend. "I'll stay some more, but no more than half an hour."

"It'll be enough." The boy agreed smiling just as Finn finally handed Rachel her fruit salad. "Come on Rachel, I got only thirty minutes to tell you everything before you have to leave." Kurt said getting up and pulling Rachel by her hand. Finn had just took his leave saying something about having a game of medal of honor to finish. "Please, it's girls talk time." The brunette laughed and finally got up to follow him into his room. "No offense Quinn." He added over his shoulder when they were about to leave the kitchen.

"None taken Kurt." Quinn said getting up too. "I'll just take this is as the clue for me to go. I know the way so don't worry about it."

"I'll just go to my room." Finn said to the already empty room, nonplussed by the fast exit of Rachel, Kurt and Quinn.

Twenty minutes later Kurt was laying in his bed telling Rachel all about Blaine's and his decision to go to the prom as a couple. He had gushed about them for more all the twenty minutes but the brunette hadn't stopped him, limiting herself to nod while eating her fruit salad, and after making approving sounds in all the right places.

"I'm happy for you Kurt." The brunette said when he finally winded down. "Blaine is really a great guy."

"Yeah" Kurt said dreamily. "So, Finn and you?" He inquired cheekily. He had heard the news from Mercedes and was a bit miffed to have found out that way that one of his best friend and his step brother were dating again.

"He asked." Rachel replied simply, shrugging a bit perched on the desk chair.

"Don't sound so excited, Rachel." Kurt frowned. The brunette didn't seem all that happy about the idea. And as much he and Finn hadn't a great relationship, he was a good guy, even if was a bit dense, and his step brother. So Kurt worried.

"It's not that… it's…" Rachel feel silent, searching for the right words. _"It's that I'm not in love with him." _She caught herself playing with the spoon and couldn't help the smile at thinking about Quinn and her thoughtfulness._ "I'm in love with Quinn and I was too idiot to get that before making."_ She said at least. "I just don't feel that spark…"

"So, you and Finn…" This time Kurt tone was serious.

"We're dating to see if there is still something between us." Rachel choose her words carefully. She didn't wont to lie to Kurt but she really didn't have any intention to tell him all the truth. "I'm giving him, us, a second chance."

"But you don't feel the spark."

"Yeah." Rachel nodded before leaning forward and resting her head on one hand. "But I didn't want any regret, any what if…" What she wasn't saying was that she already knew that nothing would come out of it.

"We're still talking about you ex, aren't we?" Kurt inquired. He had heard that particular tone of Rachel voice only once before.

"Probably." Rachel admitted sighing.

"You talked to her?"

"She told me to get lost." Rachel said with an half playful half pained smile. "More than once… two, three times… I lost count."

"Ouch." Kurt winced for her.

But Rachel saw something other than sympathy in his eyes. "You can say whatever you're thinking Kurt. I don't want friends who tell me only what I want to hear."

"Did you really expect something different?" He asked after a bit.

"I thought that telling her the real reason why I left her would change things." Rachel admitted.

"You never told me how you broke up with her." Kurt inquired getting suspicious when Rachel didn't meet his gaze. Rachel wasn't easily embarrassed. He had a bad feeling about this.

"I told her she wasn't talented enough or beautiful enough to be with me." Rachel said once more looking at her hands. Suddenly she couldn't look at the spoon she was still playing with without tears gathering in her eyes. She put it carefully in the little cup on the desk then crossed her arms over her chest.

There was a long silence. "I don't know what to say."

"You are angry." Rachel said quietly seeing him frown deeply.

"Very angry." Kurt leaned back against the headboard looking at the ceiling, trying to find the strength to not just jell at his friend to get out of his room. It took him a while. "And exactly how telling her you broke up with her because you were scared of her meaning more to you than Broadway would have helped?"

"I hoped to make her realize that there was never anything wrong with her." She said softly, her gaze was trained on the floor.

"And then she would suddenly fall in love with you, you would get back together and you would have your happy ending?" Kurt went on sarcastically.

"Something like that." Rachel winced at her own naïveté.

"You really are an idiot." He sighed disgusted.

"Yeah, I know." She nodded.

There was another long silence. "You have to get over her, Rachel."

Rachel nodded but didn't reply. She didn't have any intention to get over Quinn.

She wanted her back.

xxx

"B has left wheels…" Santana said. This time they were the first on the field instead than the last in the locker. Quinn hadn't ever realized just how many of her talks with Santana happened at Cheerios' practices. Or maybe before they weren't as many or as meaningful. She remembered that in the freshmen and sophomore year they had principally talked about parties and guys, especially about guys. And considering their real preferences it was hilarious.

Now that they didn't try to hide themselves anymore being back in the Cheerios had given them the time to work on their friendship more than keep up appearances. It was nice.

"Not surprising." And it wasn't to Quinn. "Artie is too insecure for someone like Britt. It was only a matter of time before he said something to make himself feel better at her expenses…"

"You think that's the reason they broke up?" Santana decided to ignore the strange lump in her throat that appeared at the words. "That she can't be with someone insecure?"

"B knows what she feels. She just gets it. She always has. It's the reason she can't understand why others don't." Quinn let Santana stew in silence, focusing her attention on the first cheerleaders to get on the field. "Alright. Five laps everyone. Begin slowly, it's cold and I don't want anyone to have problems."

When Santana made to join the rest of the cheerios Quinn stopped her with an hand on her shoulder. "Leave it S. Our talk is more important, we can always warm up later."

They stood there watching

"What I said is true and you know it." Santana nodded not meeting Quinn's eyes, choosing to watch the other cheerios run around the field. The blonde sighed and took Santana's chin guiding her friend face toward her. Once their gazes met she went on. "It doesn't mean you aren't right for her, S, or enough. You're scared, but that's alright, B wouldn't ever hold it against you. What I meant is you have to be sure of your feelings for her and hers for you. The first you know and the other is a no brainer, the rest you'll figure out together." Quinn added smiling at Santana to reassure her friend.

"How do you know?" Santana asked gruffly.

"She told you didn't she?" Santana nodded still not convinced. "B isn't like you and me, she doesn't lie." Quinn said with a smirk. "And if you turn your head and raise your eyes from that all interesting grass, you'll see B watching us right now. And if looks could kill, I'd be dead because I dared to make you uncomfortable."

Santana tuned her head fast enough that Quinn winced for her. _"She probably has given whiplash to herself."_

For Santana reading Brittany face had always been simple and right now she could clearly see the worry for her and the anger at Quinn. It made her smile. Brittany smiled back.

"Maybe I'll ask her to the prom…" She said with a soft tone.

"Finally! Maybe you're not that dense."

Santana glared at her but Quinn simply smirked back at her with insufferable smugness.

"What I say to Karofsky?"

"Tell him the truth, after all he'll be there." Quinn advised. "And tell him we four we'll go together at the prom. We'll rent a car and go together. He can dance with me while you dance with B."

They were at the end of the practice when Sue appeared out of thin air already screaming in her bullhorn. "Maggots! Fall in before me."

Every single Cheerios shot toward her. Sue watched pleased as in less than ten seconds the whole team was perfectly lined up before her. They were panting, exhausted after the grueling practice. This last sprint was almost too much for them. One of the freshmen, a red headed tumbler, looked about ready to faint from physical exhaustion.

"I see that having your Captain back has brought you up to tip top form. You all are still up at the end of practice. A pity since I had promised to myself I would thrown out of the squad the first one to fall to the ground." The red head straightened immediately. "It doesn't matter I'll find another way to cull the weak." Sue smirked evilly. Nobody even groaned at the idea. Every single one of them had been on the Cheerios long enough to know that that was like signing her own death sentence. "But my never ending fight against mediocrity in my team isn't the reason I'm here. I was just informed that the regionals winners have been disqualified. Apparently they used the choreography of another team." Sue's satisfied smirk, was all Quinn needed to know what had really happened. She didn't know how but the coach had framed them. She almost felt pity for the other team. Then she shrugged it off. "This means we'll go to the Nationals. And we'll win because we are the Cheerios!"

"Cheerios!" The cheerleaders screamed, before scattering around the field laughing, jumping in each other arms. Santana had practically launched herself in Brittany's arms and now the blonde was making her twirl. They both were laughing and completely lost in one another. It wouldn't surprise Quinn if they ended up kissing in the middle of the field.

Quinn stood to Sue's side just looking on with a soft smile. Her friends were happy. It was good to see her plan coming along so nicely. "You almost broke our deal." She said after a moment.

"What do you ever mean Q?" Sue asked smirking still looking at celebrating Cheerios.

"The rumors that made Artie and Brittany break up." Quinn said simply. "Artie hurt Brittany with what he said."

"There are unlimited numbers of ways to break something, Q." Sue replied imperturbable. "But all of them end with something broken at the end."

Quinn frowned. "But you didn't need to break Artie and Brittany up."

"No?" Sue inquired. "And then how could S and B get together?"

"You care." Quinn grinned at her Coach.

"Don't insult me Q." The woman snarled. "I don't care about anyone. I solved the problem of those pesky feeling when I made remove my amygdale. An happy enforcer is a more productive one."

"If you say so Coach." Quinn agreed still smiling.

"I say so." Sue said. "And I'll say something else too. You aren't happy. And I don't want to lose my captain once again because she got pregnant in a fit of sadness and drunken idiocy. So go get Streisand, Q. I won't ask again."

"You didn't ask Coach." Quinn pointed out. The blonde didn't know what surprised her more. That Sue knew just why and how she had got pregnant in the first place or that she approved of Rachel. Sort of.

"Details." Sue dismissed. "For all her irritable babbling and loudness Streisand her one track mind to success is a commendable thing. Pity that the experiments to transplant the drive to succeed to lacking cheerleaders didn't work out." Sue sighed sounding disappointed. With years of practice Quinn ignored the shivers of fears that were running down her back. As the Coach walked away Quinn heard the woman mumble under her breath, "At least she has a mind, not like Frankenteen."

xxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank for the reviews, I appreciate you taking the time to write them. And yeah Sue is for both Faberry and Brittana, but strictly because it's better for the Cheerios. Really…**

**So this time you get present Faberry and a bit of past Faberry interactions. Maybe I'm getting soft. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.**

**Chapter 14**

"Hello Quinn. I'm surprised to see you here so early." Rachel was used to be the first one in the choir room and the last to leave, so Quinn's presence this early was puzzling. The blonde was sitting on a chair on the upmost tier as sprawled as she had ever seen her, which meant the blonde was still more composed than the average teenager when sitting.

"I'm hiding." Quinn replied with a small smile, shrugging her shoulders a bit.

"How come?" Rachel asked curiously. The hot topic of the day was that Cheerios were once again competing at nationals and everyone knew that with the unholy trinity with them, they would win it. There had been enthusiastic elation when Figgings had announced the news via speakers. After all everyone knew that the Cheerios were McKinley only chance to win something as all the other teams had already been thrown out of their respective championships or whatever they were called. Well, Cheerios and New Directions. But nobody really believed New Directions would win. Rachel frowned at that. _"We'll just have to show them…"_

"Everyone wants to congratulate me because the Cheerios qualified for Nationals." Quinn said annoyed. "First, it's not my doing. It was the Coach who did it, and you really don't want to know how she did it." Rachel shuddered at the words. She knew just how ruthless Sue Sylvester could be when she wanted something. She found herself empathizing with the poor cheerleaders who had lost their chance at Nationals to not faults of her own, just so the Cheerios could have theirs. "Second, the people more thrilled today are the same people that two weeks ago tried to bully the Cheerios and ignored Santana, Brittany and me. It was getting tiring to keep smiling when I just wanted to sneer at them."

It was strange to see Quinn so uncaring about what other people thought about her, how she didn't worry anymore about casting the perfect image of head cheerleader for the public consumption, often to the detrainment of her real self. It only brought home to Rachel how much the blonde had changed in the last year and it made Quinn that much more real to her eyes.

"Well, I congratulate you sincerely." Rachel said and she meant it. Because the brunette had saw how much it had hurt Quinn to leave the Cheerios this autumn. Whatever else the other girl really liked cheerleading. "I know it means a lot for you, especially after last year."

"Thanks Rachel." Quinn smiled almost shyly to the brunette. It warmed something in her to see real care and happiness in Rachel's eyes when she was used to see only cool wariness. Quinn had really missed someone to share her successes with. Finn hadn't ever cared and Puck hadn't even tried to understand. Brittany and Santana had each other. And to her parents there was only the success, which was simply expected, never celebrated, or the failure.

Rachel couldn't help but notice Quinn looked tired today too. The hazel eyes were a bit dull, almost sleepy, so unlike the usual. She bit her lip, unsure if to bring it up or ignore it. "You look tired." She said at least. The brunette had already noticed it yesterday at Finn's but she hadn't felt comfortable enough to bring it up with Kurt and Finn in the room. She hadn't ever seen Quinn so tired, not even during her pregnancy. It worried her.

"Coach is making us practice twice every single they, but Saturday. That's run day." Quinn mustered up a smile for the brunette. Now that Rachel thought about it Santana and Brittany hadn't looked much better than Quinn yesterday. All three looked about dead on their feet. "We only have to run for five miles on Saturday." The intense training for the Nationals had started only two weeks ago but the blonde already longed for Saturdays.

Rachel was impressed. It had to be exhausting especially considering that on top of cheerleading Brittany, Santana and Quinn danced almost every day in glee club, and when they didn't dance they sang. But not one of them had complained about it. Rachel felt her respect for the three cheerleaders grow at this realization. Respect and worry.

There was silence for a bit as the brunette went to sit at her usual chair in the first row.

"We'll not drop out of Glee Rachel." Quinn spoke quietly after having watched Rachel fidget in her chair, nervously playing with a strap of her schoolbag. She couldn't see her expression but she could picture the frown she was sure was on Rachel's face perfectly. "You got your team to go to Nationals." Quinn reassured, supposing the brunette was worrying about Glee Club. "I promise."

But Rachel next words brought home to Quinn that her promises didn't meant as much as they had to the little singer. She hadn't expect the realization to hurt so bad. "Coach Sylvester won't blackmail you into leaving?" Rachel asked in a quiet voice, staring straight ahead. She was scared but she didn't want to let Quinn know. And she wasn't scared only for Glee Club, she was scared of losing the chance to spend time with Quinn. Because even if they shared couple of classes, outside of Glee they hadn't ever spent time together.

"No."

"You sure?" This was almost a whisper.

"I'm sure." Quinn replied just as quietly. "I have already talked to the Coach about it. I have her word she won't make us leave Glee."

There was a bit of silence. Rachel sighed in relief. "Alright."

Quinn waited for Rachel to relax in her chair, the confirmation the brunette believed her words, before leaning back in her own trying to find a comfortable position for her aching back. Maybe she was getting too old to be on Cheerios, she mused.

They just sat in a peaceful silence for a while before the others Glee kids began to file in the choir room in ones or twos.

The almost glares and not so subtle whispers about _Cheerios_ and _traitors_ made Quinn sigh and sit straighter. She had hoped the argument they had had when they had joined once more to the Cheerios would have been enough to clear the air. _"Apparently not." _When they comeSantana and Brittany sat near her, they too bothered by the hostile mood of the room. And if the blonde seemed uneasy at the hostility Santana was just glaring back at the others in her classic defensive mechanism.

"So when is scheduled the new betrayal?"

The first to properly break the silence was Mercedes. Quinn sighed. She liked the girl and she would always owe her for taking her in during her pregnancy but their friendship had deteriorated. After Quinn had gone back to live with her mother they had grown apart, seen each other rarely until the beginning of school. Their friendship had been too new to survive the lack of attention.

Quinn was honest enough to admit it was more her fault than Mercedes, but after having given up Beth she had felt too vulnerable. And her friendship with Mercedes was the most intimate one she had permitted herself to have since Rachel's. With Mercedes Quinn hadn't faked being the cool strong one. She had been her real self. And this summer she had felt too hurt and vulnerable to be herself. And she only now realized, she had been scared that Mercedes would hurt her like Rachel had done. So she had run and Mercedes hadn't tried very hard to go after her.

"There won't be any betrayal." Quinn said calmly. Mercedes and she had gone back to be team mates who ended up fighting because both were strong headed and didn't trust the other's opinion or actions to not hurt them.

"Yeah, like you know what loyalty means!" Mercedes snarled back.

That hurt. It wasn't the first time Mercedes alluded to her behavior but it still hurt to hear it.

"You can't go to cheerleading Nationals." Finn said sulkily from his chair just to the right of Rachel. He had spent his whole day hearing about how wonderful it was that the Cheerios were once again competing for Nationals. Every single student was fawning all over the cheerleaders, congratulating them and wishing them luck. It grated on his nerves. The school's football team had done very well this season but nobody had as much as congratulated him for it. And it hurt to admit it, but ever since Quinn and he had broken up his popularity had once again took a dive. And he liked being popular. He liked all the perks that come with it, from having the teacher go easier on you to being invited to all the cool parties.

"Why?" Santana taunted with a mean smirk. She didn't like how fast the other Glee's kids had gone back to whispering about betrayals and Finn was an easy target to vent her anger to. "Are you jealous we are good enough to qualify and your team is not?"

"This is not about football." Finn ground out. But it was. The team was doing much better since Coach Bestie had begun to coach them but they weren't good enough to really get the kind of exposure that would give him the chance of a scholarship.

"Or the pitiful quarterback that you are." Santana added in a stage whisper, making Finn angry enough to get up and take a couple of step towards them.

"You'll just leave the club to prepare for the cheerleading Nationals!" He shouted. It wasn't fair. The Cheerios had lost at regionals just like his team, but now they were miraculously one of the finalist.

"Back off Frankenteen!" Santana snarled getting up too. "Just because you're too stupid to do two things at the same time it doesn't mean everybody else is."

"Finn is right." Mercedes spoke up again, diverting the attention from Finn and Santana before they come to blows. Several others nodded at her words. "You'll leave again."

Quinn put an hand on Santana shoulder to calm her down before replying to Mercedes. She kept a careful eye on Finn who was standing there, hands clenching and unclenching in fists. He looked about ready to snap. "I have already told you we won't quit Glee." Quinn was beginning to get tired of explaining herself over and over. "We already talked about it, Finn." She said addressing him directly in the hope to calm him down. "And I don't like to repeat myself."

"You lied to me." He accused.

"What are you talking about?" Quinn asked frowning. She had lied to him much more than he could ever conceive, but she hadn't lied to him about this. She hadn't talked to him at all about her decision to go back to be a Cheerios. It wasn't his business.

"About the fact you never told me, us, you would compete in Nationals."

"I didn't know before yesterday, Finn." _"not officially at least…"_ Quinn said shrugging a bit, trying to downplay the thing. "Why it's so important?"

"I'm not stupid Quinn!" He seethed. Quinn stopped Santana chuckle with a glare. Now it wasn't the time. "I know what Sylvester's idea of preparing for Nationals is. I practically didn't see you for two months in freshman year because you had to practice for Nationals! You walked around like zombies!"

Mr Shue arrived just in time to catch the last heated exchange but it didn't make Quinn feel any better. The fact all he said was an half heartened "calm down" to Finn made clear he too didn't like the fact the Cheerios would go to Nationals.

Finn shut up but still glared at Quinn and Santana, who simply glared back. Brittany just looked bored and a bit uneasy with the whole argument.

"I don't see the problem." It was Rachel's voice that broke the stalemate. "They have regularly showed up at every Glee rehearsal and done very well at every single one."

"What?" Every single head turned to look at Rachel.

"They'll leave the Club as soon as Sylvester asks them to." Finn accused glaring at the three. "Or they'll be too tired to do both and will leave. Same result. We'll be down by three members and we won't be able to compete. Look at them, they already look tired!" Finn added looking right at Rachel, hoping to sway her to his point of view. "They have to leave Cheerios. And they have to do it now." Finn ground out with finality. "Glee comes first. It's more important."

Rachel wasn't impressed by his argument but could see several distrustful faces in the choir room. It was time to do some damage control. "Quinn, Santana, Brittany do you promise to not leave Glee Club and do not miss practice?" She asked turning her back to Finn to look at the trio.

"Yes." Quinn answered for all three looking right in Rachel's eyes. The brunette could see a beginning of a grateful smile on the cheerleaders lips. She almost smiled back.

"That's enough for me." Rachel said instead.

"Are you drunk?" Mercedes asked shocked. She hadn't ever seen Rachel so laid back when something threatened her precious Glee club.

"I'm not drunk Mercedes. I'm rational. They promised and I trust them." Seeing that this reasoning wasn't really getting anywhere Rachel turned to look at Mr Shue, who had been strangely silent for the entire exchange. "I mean, we are better than Sue Sylvester, are we not? We wouldn't ever ask someone to choose between Glee or something else they like doing, right Mr Shue?"

Caught flat footed Will nodded. "Rachel is right, Glee club is not about forcing someone to renounce to something else just because we are not comfortable with it." Slowly hiswords gained force and confidence. "Glee it's about acceptance." He added more firmly. "Now that we have cleared that up, let's begin. And Finn, please do refrain from attacking your teammates."

xxx

It was strange standing in front of this door again. But the familiarity of what had been a daily ritual reasserted itself with the well-known sound of the doorbell and the distract "I'm coming" Quinn heard through the door. It was so different from her house, it always had been. There nobody would ever shout at the door they would be there soon.

Quinn felt herself relax as she hadn't in years. This house held only beautiful memories for her. She really hoped it still would after today.

"Hello…" The words trailed off when the man who opened the door caught sight of her.

Quinn studied the man carefully. Leroy hadn't changed in the last three years. The hair at his temples were still the only ones to be grey and apparently he still wore suits with vests underneath no matter the season.

The shock on his face told her Leroy knew who she was.

What Quinn didn't know was if he knew she was Lucy or simply recognized her as Quinn from some glee performance. _"And even if he knows I'm Lucy, I still hurt Rachel when I had promised to never do it…"_ She couldn't imagine what kind of welcome she would have in this house. But there wasn't anger on his face and this reassured her at least a little bit. Still, she choose to play it safe and greet him formally.

"Hello Mr Berry."

"It's Leroy for you." He said with a soft smile. The one Quinn recognized from that time when Rachel had to be reassured by her father after a not so stellar ballet performance. "It has always been."

"Even now that I'm Quinn?" She prodded, wanting to be sure of his welcome.

"It's still you, isn't it? Lucy or Quinn it doesn't matter to me." His smile was kind like his eyes. The same Rachel's had. And Quinn couldn't help but realize just how much she had missed him. "Come on in." Leroy invited, moving from the doorstep to let her walk in. "Rachel isn't here…" He added closing the door behind her.

"She is at ballet, I know." Quinn had stopped questioning herself on just why knowing Rachel's schedule by heart still mattered to her. And given how seldom they talked it had took Quinn some time to find out the changes Rachel had done in the time they hadn't seen each other. "I'm here to speak to you and Hiram and to leave something to Rachel if it's alright." She explained showing the big shopping bag she had with her.

"Serious talk?" Leroy asked taking a moment to study her. Quinn seemed nervous, almost scared. Very much like the first time Rachel had asked her to dinner.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Alright. It's the kitchen then." Leroy turned to the stairs raising slightly his voice to be heard on the upper floor. "Hiram? Come down. Quinn is here and she wants to speak to us."

"Quinn?" Judging by Hiram's voice he was in his study on the first floor. Another habit that hadn't changed. "I'm coming right down…"

Quinn relaxed a bit more hearing the obvious lack of anger in Hiram's voice. Of the two of them Hiram had always been the more unpredictable. Like Rachel he was a passionate man, but unlike his daughter he wasn't all that dramatic about it. Quinn had always thought that Rachel would become like her dad once she grew up.

"Chocolate still alright?" Leroy inquired leading the way to the kitchen.

Quinn only nodded not quite comfortable enough to talk.

The kitchen was the place where the Berry had all their serious talk. Another difference with her house where the serious talks had place in the living room. Quinn had had her share of both and she preferred the Berry's. _"At least you get hot chocolate and a chance to speak before any decision is taken..."_

"Perfect but before we begin talking come here Quinn." Leroy asked holding his arms open. "It been too long."

Quinn was surprised by the offer but didn't think about it twice when he offered. She stepped up to hug him, finding out she felt as comfortable in his arms as she had before. She sighed relaxing in his arms, trying valiantly to ignore the sting of tears in her eyes. Just then Hiram got in the kitchen.

"Ohhh, hug time…" He crooned. Hiram couldn't stop smiling. It was beautiful to see Quinn again. She had been a part of their life for less than six months, but it had been long enough for him to come to care about her like another daughter. Quinn was special like that. "Come here Quinn, it's my turn."

"Yes sir…" The blonde said laughing and stepping in his arms. It really felt good. She had missed this kind of human touch. Her father had stopped huggin her when she was six year old and her mother didn't really like touching or being touched by others. In some way Quinn knew she had inherited this herself. She was very aware of her personal space and sure as hell didn't like casual touches with acquaintances. She was the opposite with the people she truly loved.

"We missed you Quinn." Hiram whispered in her ear when he felt her relax against him.

"I missed you too." She replied squeezing him once more before backing down. To not make Quinn uncomfortable both Hiram and Leroy busied themselves in the kitchen as she dried the few tears she had shed. Quinn smiled at their consideration.

When they sat at the table, two with coffees and one with chocolate, there was silence but it wasn't an awkward one, they were simply sipping their drinks enjoying each other company. Quinn was at half her cup when she spoke.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Hiram inquired gently.

Quinn shrugged keeping her eyes averted from theirs. "For everything. For hurting Rachel in high school when I promised I would never hurt her. For standing by when the others bullied her and doing nothing but laugh. I know it hurt you too and I'm sorry." Quinn took a ragged breath and went on. "I'm sorry for disappearing from your life without even saying goodbye. I was so scared you wouldn't speak to me I didn't even try to talk to you and I owed you that since you practically opened your home and your family to me."

"Why did you think we wouldn't have spoke to you?" Hiram asked, puzzled.

"Because you guys are Rachel's parents. And you were always so close." Quinn said like it explained everything. At their confused frowns she went on. "When Rachel broke up with me and told me it was because I wasn't good enough for her I thought you shared the same opinion of me. And I really couldn't deal with another rejection. So I just left."

"We never thought you weren't good enough, Quinn. We never thought that, I promise." Hiram said softly, taking Quinn's chin and raising her head until he could see in her eyes. "And neither did Rachel. She never had thought you weren't good enough Quinn."

"I know. She told me." But hearing it from Hiram made it more real. "She told me the real reason she left me several days ago. I'm still wrapping my mind on what it means to me. What differences it makes. It's hard…"

They lapsed in a comfortable silence until they drain their cups, lost in their own thoughts.

"This whole situation is a huge clusterfuck Quinn but we don't blame it all on you. Rachel made huge mistakes. Leaving you because you meant more to her than Broadway did. I really can't understand…" Leroy stopped, took a deep breath and went on. It wasn't his place to explain it. "So we won't judge you on this matter… because is something between only you two." He sighed. "All I'll say about it is you could have handled it better, but so could have Rachel. Especially Rachel. But the both of you understood you made mistakes… and are trying to make up for it somehow and in situations like this there is not much more to do…"

Quinn could feel the tears well up in her eyes once more. She blinked quickly trying to control them. Hiram and Leroy sat back, giving the girl the time to compose herself.

"How are you?" Leroy asked. "Really?"

"Now?" At his nod she went on. "Some part of me is so angry at Rachel. It's years I'm sad and angry…" Quinn said with a wan smile. "But angry is easier… but now I'm scared most of all."

"Scared?" Leroy prodded.

"Yeah." Quinn nodded playing with her empty cup just do to something with her hands. "When she found out the truth Rachel said she wanted my friendship back. I told her no. I told her to stay out of my life and I wasn't all that gentle about it. It was easy really, because I knew I wanted more than friendship and she didn't." Quinn frowned, confused. "But then the lines got blurred. I got jealous when I heard she would go to the prom with Finn. I shouldn't have. But I just…" Quinn trailed off, not really knowing what to say. "She called me on it. Told me, I couldn't have it both ways and to stay out of her life. I can't be her friend and faking happiness at seeing her with someone else so I offered her to go back to be friendly acquaintance and she agreed…" Quinn pleaded and both Leroy and Hiram nodded at her encouragingly. "But this week Rachel behaved like she is still interested in me… she hasn't come right out and told me but…" Quinn shrugged at a loss. "I know I want more and maybe I _can _have more, but I'm scared out of my mind of Rachel."

"Because she could hurt you again?" Hiram asked delicately.

"Because she could break me again and I'm not even sure I have recovered from last time to be honest." Quinn explained playing with her empty mug, letting out a strangled laugh. Then she shook her head chasing away that thought. "But I'm not here only to make my excuses. I have a gift for Rachel."

"A gift?" Hiram couldn't hide is surprise. After all he had heard today and what Rachel had told them about how things between them were he doubted they were anywhere near the point where buying presents to the other made sense. He hadn't ever really understood Quinn and Rachel friendship and later relationship. But the two of them seemed instinctively get the other and that had been enough for him.

"Yeah…" Quinn went on understanding Hiram's surprise. "I broke several promises to her and I really don't want to break anymore." She shrugged, trying to hide just how much that meant to her reaching to get the shopping bag at her feet.

"So that is…"

"It's Rachel's gown for prom. Well, at least _a_ gown." Quinn licked her suddenly parched lips. "I promised her I would find her a fairy tale dress worthy of her and her dreams… of a New York gala." She said absent mindedly playing with the bag's handle, her mind on an afternoon of three years ago. "Well it's here… it took me a while to find something perfect for her but…" Quinn suddenly stopped her nervous playing, letting go of the handle like it was on fire. "…but it doesn't matter anymore does it? It's a stupid idea." Only looking at the anguish on Quinn's face hurt Leroy and Hiram. "Rachel probably won't even open it and tell her it's alright if she doesn't, she told me to stay out of her life and I agreed. I just had to…" Quinn hadn't the force to end the sentence, so she schooled her face and got up. "Well, it's getting late and I have to go…"

"Quinn?" Hiram called her when she was already out of the kitchen. "Don't be a stranger."

"You sure?" She sounded like a lost little kid, Hiram so smiled reassuringly like he had done so many times with Rachel. "We're sure."

"Then maybe I'll come around again…" Quinn replied with a sad smile.

"We would like that." Leroy said getting up to lead her to the door. "We missed you Quinn."

"I missed you too."

xxx

**Three Years Ago.**

"I didn't know you liked to shop."

Rachel commented putting the shopping bags on her bed. They had been to the mall again. In the last months it had become an habit for the two of them to go at the mall at least once a week. Rachel kept thinking it was wonderful to have someone her age to go with. Lucy was just happy she had anyone to go out with since her parents weren't the shopping kind.

"Well, I'm not a fashion fan or anything of the sort." Lucy demurred. "It just comes to me naturally what looks good together." Lucy shrugged a bit, like it wasn't anything remarkable. Rachel tried to ignore her envy at the ability. Matching clothes didn't come easy to her. She had to ask more than once help to her fathers. And at her age it was getting embarrassing. She just didn't understand it. She had clothes she liked and clothes she didn't even know how to wear. "Personally I like to wear comfortable clothes more than fashionable ones. I lean on classic, dresses, shirt and pants the likes." Rachel nodded. She had noticed early on that Lucy dressed much more like their peers than she did.

It was the reason she had asked her help to shop for new clothes. She just hadn't expected Lucy to be so good at it. Rachel had been surprised to see Lucy browsing interestedly in the clothes rack humming a bit, choosing clothes for her like she had always done it before.

And for the first time in her life Rachel had felt fashionable and beautiful when wearing what the taller brunette had chosen for her. When they had left the shop, with Rachel wearing some of the new things she had bought, nobody had looked at her funnily. It had been exhilarating for the little diva.

"They make fun of my clothes." The smaller girl admitted, sprawling on her bed and looking at the ceiling. Lucy and she rarely talked about their schools. Rachel knew her friend too was bullied, but she didn't know the particulars. It wasn't something the two of them liked think, or talk about.

"At school?" Lucy asked lingering a bit on the doorway before stepping Rachel's room. Sometimes she still felt self-conscious around Rachel but it was getting much better. She found it strange that Rachel was made fun for her clothes. Nobody made fun of her clothes at her own school. They made fun of her. They called her fat and disgusting. Or dumb and clumsy. Or they simply shoved her in the lockers. But Lucy suspected it hadn't to be pleasant being made fun of for your clothes.

"I would never make fun of your clothes." Lucy didn't think she would never make fun of anything. It hurt to be made fun of. She complied automatically when Rachel patted the comforter at her side, joining the other brunette on the bed.

"Promise?" There was that particular light in Rachel's eyes, the one Lucy always found compelled to reply with a smile and agree to whatever her friend was asking.

Lucy propped her head on an arm looking at Rachel. "Yeah, I promise." She said smiling a bit as she caressed Rachel's cheek and tucked a few stray stands of hair behind her ear.

Rachel squealed and hugged her. After only a moment of hesitation Lucy hugged her back absently noticing just how good her friend smelled.

xxx


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello guys, thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them.**

**Let's talk business: today you get Brittana, Quinn-Santana friendship and Faberry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. As always.**

**Chapter 15**

Santana was leaning against her locker nervously playing with the strap of her schoolbag. She had practically run to the lockers as soon as the bell had rang and now was waiting for Brittany to come to get her books for the next period.

Santana turned her head a bit, just enough to look at Brittany's locker. A soft smile come unbidden when she remembered just how they had got two adjacent ones. Well how she had got the locker next to Brittany's.

It had been at the start of freshman year.

_As soon as the year had started and she had officially became a Cheerios Santana had found out that what Coach Sylvester had told them at cheerleader camp and what she had heard in junior high had been true. The Cheerios ruled McKinley High._

_It had been a relief to have that little fact confirmed, because Santana knew it wasn't ever too soon to build a reputation and she needed a strong one to protect Brittany and herself. So she had spent the first two weeks finding exactly how far a cheerleader could go unpunished. And she had found out it was far enough for what she had in mind._

_Santana wasn't one to waste time once she had a plan. And this one would help her to make a reputation as bad ass and get her the locker next to Brittany. It was perfect. So the following Monday found Santana lurking in an half deserted hallway of the school waiting for a sophomore geek. Precisely she was waiting for a tall, blond, gangly guy, who owned the locker next to Brittany's. _

_As soon as the boy turned the corner Santana slammed him in the wall face first. He groaned in pain but, as she had expected, he didn't react to the attack. It wasn't the first time he had been shoved in a wall, it was just the first time a cheerleader had done it. Apparently shoving people against walls was a jocks' thing. Cheerios limited themselves to slushy people and making their lives hell. Santana had decided it was time for a change._

"_Hello Scarecrow." Santana said smirking maliciously, holding him against the wall by the scruff of his shirt._

"_H-hello?" The guy stammered out. He blanched a bit when he saw her Cheerios uniform with the corner of his eye. _

"_Don't talk. You could annoy me. And you don't want to annoy me. I get mean." Santana informed him shoving his face a bit harder against the wall. "You have something that I want." She paused and he nodded desperately trying to make her understand he would give it to her, whatever it was. "And that just isn't right. So that's what we'll do. You'll get your stuff out of my locker and maybe I won't make your life hell."_

"_Y-your locker?" He stammered out confused, not understanding what she was talking about. He didn't even know her, he steered clear of the Cheerios. He couldn't even image how the hell his things had ended up in her locker._

"_Yeah, locker number 583." Santana said, giving him an hint of what she was talking about._

"_That's m-my…" Seeing her glare he corrected himself. Damn, but she was scary. And strong too, his cheek was beginning to hurt from being pressed against the wall. "… your locker, that's your locker. I'll go to clear it?" The guy offered now that he had understood what she wanted._

"_Good boy. Now go and get your stuff out of there. If you do it fast maybe I'll be nice enough to give you another locker for your shit."_

_He nodded again and scurried to go her bidding._

_Once he turned the corner Santana took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart. She stood there waiting for her hands to stop shaking. It had worked._

_When Santana finally turned to go to class she almost jumped at seeing someone else in what should have been a deserted hallway. Quinn Fabray was leaning against the wall looking at her with a slight smirk on her lips. Not knowing what to do Santana glared at the taller girl to hide her apprehension._

_Quinn just kept smirking completely unaffected by the glare. It didn't surprise Santana. The blonde was, Coach Sylvester's words, the next in list for the captain slot. And one didn't get to be the Cheerios' captain if she was easily intimidated. You didn't get in the Cheerios if you were easily intimidated, you wouldn't survive Coach Sylvester tender care. But Quinn Fabray was in a league all of her own because this year, for the first time ever, Coach Sylvester had chosen the next captain at the freshmen cheer camp. Fabray had impressed Sue that much._

_Santana studied the blonde standing before her carefully, not really knowing the other cheerleader well enough to know what she would do after having witnessed to her bulling. Fabray had kept to herself at cheer camp, more focused on the training than on making friends._

_The blonde was looking at her with a sort of faraway expression. Then, for just a moment, there was a softening in her hazel eyes. It was gone by the next second and Santana was sure that if she would have blinked she would have missed it. "You got potential." Quinn said at last. "I'll take care of official side of this change of lockers." She promised. "See you, S."_

Quinn had kept her word, and the change of lockers had been official by the end of the day. To this day Santana didn't know how she had done it but she had been grateful and she hadn't ever forgot the help freely given.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

A kiss on her cheek brought Santana out of her memories. She blinked once then turned to face a smiling Brittany.

"Hey." Santana greeted with a smile of her own. Lately she caught herself smiling a lot around the blonde. And she really didn't want to stop.

"You looked thoughtful. Good thoughtful." Brittany observed just standing in front of her with a soft smile, caressing Santana's cheek for a moment.

"I was." Santana admitted leaning a bit against Brittany's hand, before the blonde retracted it. Without the grounding touch Santana went back to fidgeting nervously, not really knowing how to ask Brittany to the prom or if the other girl would say yes. Suddenly a flashback of their last serious conversation at those same lockers hit Santana doubling her nerves. When Brittany told her she loved someone else too. Breathing become difficult. She was a step from a flow blown panic attack and didn't really know what to do.

And then she was being hugged by Brittany. "Shh, San, it'll be alright. There's nothing to be scared about. I promise." The blonde whispered in her ear.

Slowly, Santana calmed down enough to relax in Brittany's arms. The blonde's smell was comforting and familiar. "Sorry." Her voice was low and rough. Not surprising considering her throat felt like it was more arid than a desert. She swallowed trying to moisten it.

After another minute Brittany took a step back but let her hands rest on the brunette shoulders. "Better now?"

Santana nodded, thanking Heaven for the grounding touch so freely given. She looked in the blue eyes that were patiently waiting for her to find the words. They seemed almost knowing. Santana lost herself in them. And then it was suddenly easy to ask. "Would you be my prom date?"

The squeal of joy and the tackle-hug that slammed her against the wall of lockers told her just how happy Brittany was.

Santana just laughed, almost dizzy with relief.

xxx

_Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"  
>I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer<br>Nobody, no, nobody, is gonna rain on my parade!_

Rachel held the last note of _Don't Rain On My Parade_ effortlessly, delighting Elizabeth. _"This girl's voice is really one in a million…" _The girl's performance impressed the singer enough she applauded enthusiastically when the brunette finally wrapped up the song.

Elizabeth could see Rachel was surprised by the applause. She seemed almost bashful at her reaction if the slightly blush was anything to go about, like it was the first time a teacher simply applauded at her performances.

"_Strange." _Elizabeth furrowed her eyebrows before remembering that Rachel's had been Jackie Ferguson's student for the better part of her life. The older woman wasn't one for the open display of approval. She was very much old school in that area. Jackie expected the best from her students and reprimanded them when they couldn't deliver it. She was an hard teacher, Elizabeth had worked with her enough to know that, but a very good one. Rachel technique was just short of perfect and the girl didn't yet have eighteen years.

"Beautiful, Rachel, you're really gifted, just like Jackie told me." Elizabeth could see Rachel's confusion before she obviously remembered that Miss Ferguson's first name. "I read…" Elizabeth couldn't quite hide her smile at reading from the printout set list Rachel had consigned at the beginning of the lesson. That and the cd with the music needed for all the songs. _"Just in case."_ The girl had explained. "You prepared Defying Gravity as your duet. Which part do you want to sing?"

"Elphaba's part." Rachel replied as if it was the only part any sane person would want to sing.

"I'll do Glinda then." And not for the first time Elizabeth asked herself if this Rachel was Lucy's Rachel. Clues were adding up steadily. From her obvious Broadway's love, to her talent, to her age. But solving that little mystery wasn't what today was about. This was about seeing what Rachel could do so to decide how to set up the lessons. "You ready?" She asked, starting the sound system at the brunette's nod. And then there was only the music. Every other thought was relegated to a corner of the mind.

"Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!" Elizabeth began, before starting to sing.

_I hope you're happy!_

_I hope you're happy now_

_I hope you're happy how you_

_Hurt your cause forever_

_I hope you think you're clever!_

Then it was Rachel's turn. The girl was smiling and Elizabeth couldn't help but smiling back. She had missed having someone as good as Rachel was to sing with.

_I hope you're happy_

_I hope you're happy, too_

_I hope you're proud how you _

_Would grovel in submission_

_To feed your own ambition_

They harmonized perfectly on the next part.

_So though I can't imagine how_

_I hope you're happy right now_

When they finally wrapped the song both were smiling and neither was out of breath. Elizabeth was really impressed by Rachel. "Outstanding work." She complimented once more, eliciting a shy, pleased, smile from Rachel. "Now that I know what you can do girl, let's get to know each other a bit better."

"Sure Miss Winthrop." Rachel agreed, relaxing from the first time since having met Elizabeth Winthrop. The woman seemed pleased of her performance. _"Pleased enough to take me as student."_ Rachel wouldn't ever admit it but she was very nervous at the idea of chancing teachers. She had spent almost six years as Miss Ferguson's student and she really didn't know if she was up to par with other instructors' expectations. When Elizabeth had asked her to prepare two or three songs for their first lesson together Rachel had had the confirm that the woman wanted to see if she was good enough before taking her as a student. So she had set out to impress her with the best in her repertoire. She wouldn't fail.

"It's Elizabeth, Rachel." The woman gently corrected her with a smile and Rachel found herself smiling back once more.

It was strange for Rachel smiling so much at singing lessons but since the first moment Elizabeth had done everything she could to put her at ease. And the woman had been surprisingly good at it. Rachel appreciated it, because one thing was sure, Elizabeth Winthrop was so different from Miss Ferguson that she hadn't known what to do or where to start once they had met.

It wasn't only the physical differences that threw her. Even if those too were noticeable. Elizabeth was her same height, for once. No more teachers that towered over her. And she was blonde with startling blue eyes, with such a minute physique that Rachel had feared she would broke the blonde's hand when they shook hands. But what really caught Rachel's attention was the sheer elegance with which Elizabeth moved.

Rachel couldn't help but think she had already seen someone move with the same elegance, because it was strangely familiar. But no matter how hard she tried to, she just couldn't seem remember who it was that moved that way.

But it wasn't only that. Elizabeth could be of her same height but she packed so much sheer personality in her body that she commanded the room effortlessly. She had that tightly controlled energy that seemed only to be waiting for the right moment to be unleashed. And after the song Rachel knew Elizabeth had a truly impressive real life presence in addition to an impressive stage one.

All in all Rachel was invidious. She knew she had the stage presence but her real life one was lacking at best. And a part of her mind couldn't help but think, _"when I grow up I want to be just like her."_

"Alright, Elizabeth." The brunette said slowly, like she was trying out the name. It was a radical difference from the formality Miss Ferguson had expected of her at lesson. For all energy Elizabeth Winthrop had such a gentle air around her Rachel couldn't help but be soothed by it.

"Better. So, where else you sing?" Elizabeth asked sitting in one of the chairs in the little studio inviting Rachel to sit with a negligent wave. She laughed a bit at Rachel's caught-with-her-hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression. "It's obvious that singing is your life, Rachel. I'm sure the hours you spend in here or practicing aren't enough for you." She laughed at the brunette's blush. "So, where else you sing?"

"I'm part of a Glee Club, we participate in show choir competitions." Rachel admitted reluctantly. When she had told Miss Ferguson she had joined Glee it hadn't gone well at all and Rachel didn't want to comprise her chance to be taken as a student by Miss Winthrop. She was practically the only qualified teacher in Lima. A lot run on today.

"Good!"

The reply startled Rachel enough that she blurted out, "Good?"

"You like it, no?" Elizabeth asked puzzled by the girl's surprise. The brunette seemed nervous, she noted, almost worried by her questions. Strange since they were talking about music and Rachel's nod and smile confirmed she liked to be in this Glee Club. "And you wanna be a Broadway performer, right?" Rachel nodded again. "It seems like a good choice, then. It gives you the chance to dance and sing and be before an audience."

"You don't think it's a waste of time?" Rachel asked not really processing the approval.

"Why should I?" Elizabeth asked.

Rachel stammered a bit, trying to not answer. "It's nothing."

Not pleased by her future student reticence, Elizabeth just looked at her with raised an eyebrow. Rachel squirmed uncomfortably under the gaze. _"Damn, she is even more intimidating than Quinn."_

"Miss Ferguson didn't like it since I rarely perform Broadway songs and I'm not always the solo singer." Rachel admitted reluctantly.

"I'm not Miss Ferguson Rachel and I don't share all her opinions, you know?" Elizabeth said slowly. And even if she was admonishing her for assuming something, Rachel didn't feel scolded just corrected. "What do you think we get to know each other and see if we go work well together?" The woman said trying to change the mood, knowing that her own personal irritation with Jackie was showing. She didn't like the older woman very much. She hadn't since Lucy Fabray had stumbled in her music school scared out of her mind because of Jackie's skating words on her voice. And even if Lucy hadn't ever said what was Rachel's last name, by now Elizabeth was almost sure this young woman was Lucy's Rachel. It wasn't like extraordinary singers named Rachel who had studied with Jackie were a dime a dozen in Lima. "So what's the name of your show choir?"

"New Directions." At Elizabeth unimpressed expression Rachel simply nodded, happy to have someone to vent to about it. "Yeah, it's a bit overdone and Mr Shuester has this mania with Journey's songs but… it's fun." The girl admitted with a easy smile. "It's only our second year but we qualified for the Nationals that will be held in New York a little more than a month."

"You are good then." Elizabeth commented, pleased. "So what's your set list for the Nationals?"

"We don't have one." Rachel said shrugging and frowning at the same time.

"What?" Elizabeth was so aghast that Rachel felt the need to defend Mr Shue. Or at the very least explain.

"Mr Shue is a… spur-of-the-moment kind of guy." Rachel's obvious distaste made Elizabeth grin. She had already pegged Rachel to be a planner. It had showed since the first moment they had met, after all Rachel had showed up with a printed set list and a soundtrack cd when Elizabeth had just asked her to prepare a couple of pieces for today lesson to get a feel of her voice.

"Alright." It wasn't as she would do it, but apparently Shuester had brought them to Nationals so the man had to be good. _"Or maybe he is only lucky enough to have several singers with Rachel's exceptional talent in his choir…"_ "He doesn't have even an idea?"

"He is making us trying duets, he wants to prepare one for the competition." Rachel found sensible to leave out just how he had gone to pair them up or how he had assigned the songs. She really didn't want to make New Directions sound like a bunch of clueless kids lead by an amateur. Even if sometimes she was the first to think exactly that. "We'll show them next week, I'm scheduled to go Tuesday. Do, do you want to come?"

"Sure. I'd like it." Elizabeth had to admit she was curious about this start up choir who was already good enough to get a place in the national competition.

"Fantastic." Rachel beamed.

xxx

It had been an horrible week and Rachel had decided to spend Saturday just lying on her bed looking at the ceiling, trying to figure out just what was wrong with her. The scene from yesterday's sing lesson continued to play in loop in her mind.

_"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"  
>I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied<br>to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed  
>in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff<br>by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! - I've gotta find a way_

"_No. No. No!" The last no was almost shouted. Rachel flinched at Miss Ferguson's tone. It was the third time in as many lessons that her teacher got angry enough to almost yell at her. "You took the breath in the wrong place again, Rachel!"_

"_I'm sorry. Miss Ferguson." Rachel apologized, twisting her hands nervously. She didn't know why she kept making stupid mistakes, it was like she couldn't really focus._

"_It's the third time you make the same mistake. This isn't like you." Miss Ferguson said frowning at her. The woman looked so disappointed Rachel felt like dying. It was the first time since she had begun taking lessons that Miss Ferguson looked at her with such an expression of displeasure in her._

"_I'm sorry, I'll try again." She pleaded, hoping Miss Ferguson would give her another chance. She wasn't used to have her voice teacher angry or disappointed to her. It made her really uneasy. She craved the approval of her voice teacher._

"_Professionals singers don't try Rachel, they succeed." The woman ground out looking straight at her._

"_Of course, Miss Ferguson."_

_Rachel took another breath and tried again the same verse. She focused hard on taking the breath in the right place and for the first time today she succeeded to end the song._

"_Now you've gone sharp on the last note." Miss Ferguson rebuked her with an hard cold tone, making Rachel flinch once more. The woman had just sounded like Jenny Karshaw, the popular girl who liked to make fun of her at school. The one who liked to tell her she couldn't even dress herself it was clear she couldn't do nothing right. "I don't really know why I'm still trying to teach you if you're not willing to learn of work."_

"_I'm sorry. It won't happen again…" Rachel apologized once more, trying to not panicking at Miss Ferguson's words._

"_I'm worried for you." Miss Ferguson said still looking right at her. "You're beginning to sound like someone who isn't working enough at home. Like James did." Rachel felt tears gather in her eyes. James Mcgrow was the kid Miss Ferguson had told to never come back when he hadn't know the words for his solo after having had a week to practice the song. "You're practicing, aren't you?"_

"_I'm practicing, Miss Ferguson." The woman didn't look convinced. It was a shock for Rachel to see her teacher not believing her, when she always had. So she hastened to add, "Really, I'm practicing as hard as always." Miss Ferguson was the best teacher Lima had to offer and Rachel couldn't afford to be sent away from her music school._

"_Alright. I'll give you another chance to try this song." Miss Ferguson said at last. "But it's your last one. Always remember that when you're on stage you don't get second chances."_

_Rachel only nodded, trying to calm down the nervousness she felt at the ultimatum. For the first time ever she began singing scared to make a mistake._

_Miss Ferguson just nodded sharply when Rachel ended the verse perfectly. The girl felt like breathing again when she saw it._

"_It's all for today." Rachel nodded, beginning to get her things together. She felt tired and frightened by Miss Ferguson words._

"_Rachel?" Miss Ferguson called out just before she left the room. "I don't know why but it's some time you're… distracted. It has to end clear? I'm not in the business of teaching to who doesn't even care enough to pay attention when I tell them something."_

"_I understand Miss Ferguson." Rachel said before scurrying away._

Rachel really didn't know why she kept making stupid mistakes, she only knew lately it was harder to stay focused. But she was getting scared that if she didn't solve whatever problem it was soon she would lose her chance to get on Broadway, because it was clear Miss Ferguson's patience was running out.

"Hey." A quiet voice distracted from Rachel her thoughts.

"Hey, Lucy." Rachel replied smiling. Suddenly figuring out what was wrong with her singing didn't seem so important anymore, not when her best friend was in her room. Lately that happened a lot. Seeing Lucy, or thinking about her, was enough to make Rachel smile no matter what.

"You alright?" Lucy asked still leaning against the doorpost.

"Why shouldn't I be?" Rachel asked mustering a better smile for her friend, the taller girl looked concerned. She didn't want to talk about her problems with singing. Rachel was scared to admit to anyone she was having difficulty with the only thing she was good at. She was especially scared to tell it to Lucy since her friend had told her more times she could count just how beautiful her voice was and how much she enjoyed hearing Rachel sing.

"You weren't at the park today." Lucy said shrugging a little. It wasn't the first time it happened, since the smaller girl didn't sing at the park if it rained or it looked like it could rain. The first time it had happened Rachel had sent her a message to explain she was scared of getting a cold in the inclement weather.

"I didn't feel to go out so I practiced at home." Rachel said with a grimace. This morning practice hadn't gone well. She kept making the same mistakes over and over.

"Well, you look tired." Lucy said feeling reassured that her friend wasn't avoiding her. Not seeing Rachel at the park had worried her a little bit. Today was cloudy but not that cloudy. And it was the first time Rachel didn't warn her she wouldn't be at the park.

"I had a rough week." Rachel simply said, patting the bed near her.

"Yeah, me too." Lucy admitted lying down. The bullies at school had been meaner than usual. "You ever think about High school?" She asked after a while.

"Sometimes." Rachel answered without moving simply basking in Lucy's solid presence at her side. She could even feel her friend's warmth where their arms almost touched. "Why?"

"You think it will be any better than junior high?" Lucy asked thoughtfully. "I don't know if I can take any more bullying."

The sadness in Lucy's voice was enough to make Rachel turn on her side to look at her friend. "You'll go at McKinley High, won't you?"

"Yes." Lucy answered to what she knew was more a rhetorical question than a real one.

"Me too, so you won't be alone anymore Lucy." Rachel promised. "Whatever happen I'll be there for you."

"Thanks." Lucy said gently touching Rachel cheek, almost caressing it. It wasn't the first time it happened. They had started with a touch here and there, sometimes holding hands when they were at the mall, but lately it seemed that they just couldn't touch each other.

"I'll be there." Rachel promised looking straight in the hazel eyes that were so close. "And image all the fun things we'll do together." She added trying to lightening the mood. "We can join interesting clubs, like chess club."

"Chess?" Lucy asked incredulously. Rachel hadn't the patient to learn the rules of that game, let alone to play it.

"Yeah, or debate." Rachel proposed, grinning.

"You already talk too much Rachel." Lucy replied rolling her eyes.

"AV club?" Rachel tried again, happy Lucy was smiling.

"Maybe." Lucy said charmed by her friend's antics.

"Then we'll go at McKinley, join the AV club and go to the prom. "

"Prom eh? Why did I know you would end up speaking of the prom?" It wasn't the first time Rachel had spoke of her plans for the prom. Lucy was just happy there were two of those in High school, because all Rachel wanted to do couldn't be crammed in one night no matter how good the planning.

"I'm sure it isn't because it'll be like a dress rehearsal of the galas I'll be invited once I'm a star." Rachel said mock seriously. "I've always dreamed of dancing in a beautiful gown. Of course given my taste in clothes I'll need someone to help me…" Rachel trailed off, grinning.

"Very well," Lucy mock huffed. "I'll do my part and get you a gown worthy of a gala."

"Promise?" Rachel whispered, staring in the beautiful hazel eyes.

"Promise, Rachel." Lucy said softly, still caressing Rachel's check.

They stood there, smiling, lost in the other's eyes.

"What if I'm alone?" Rachel asked passing her fingers through Lucy's long hair. "Boys don't like me."

"You need a boy to be your date?" Lucy asked, suddenly feeling the charged tension in the air. Something fundamental was about to happen. Something she knew they were working towards from some time.

"No, it could be a girl." Rachel said, still staring in the hazel eyes, letting her own brown show Lucy what she meant.

"Really?" Lucy chocked out a little wonderingly, almost scared of hoping.

It was Rachel who took the plunge and kissed Lucy softly on the lips.

"Really."

Lucy just kissed Rachel again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank for the reviews.**

**So when I started this story I thought it would forty thousand words long at best, with something like fifteen chapters. Apparently I was wrong, considering that only this chapter runs around five thousand words. Good for you I image..**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.**

**Chapter 16**

xxx

Rachel put on the last touch of eye shadow and took a moment to look at the mirror. With her hair styled down and the makeup done she looked older, more mature, like she always had imagined she would look at a gala. She studied herself critically. She was ready.

"You're beautiful."

"You're biased dad." Rachel said turning to face him.

"True." He admitted smiling at her. "But you're really beautiful tonight. Quinn has a good eye for fashion."

"She always has." Rachel said smiling softly. She run her hands along the dress, caressing the fabric. The red satin sheath dress was the quintessence of sheer elegance. It fit her tightly, with a full length skirt that reached her ankles. It had a modest neckline that showed just the right amount of cleavage but it left almost all her back bare. It was as conservative in front as it was daring in the back. "It's perfect." She whispered almost to herself.

"_Rachel?"_

"_Yes dad?" Rachel replied distractedly putting her coat away. She was tired. Ballet was one of the few things that could really tire her physically. She wanted only to lay on the couch and sleep or die. It didn't matter._

"_Could you come in the kitchen for a moment?"_

"_Sure." She replied somewhat puzzled. It wasn't dinner time. "What's up?" She asked once in the kitchen. Her fathers were sitting side by side at the table and looked too serious for this to be just a spontaneous chat._

"_Quinn stopped by earlier and left something for you." Leroy and Hiram had talked for a long time on how to let their daughter know about the visit and on how much to say her. They had always kept the confidences of their daughter, even from each other if asked to, and then they had kept Quinn's when she had come in Rachel's life. And much of what Quinn had told them was very personal._

"_Quinn came here?" The blonde hadn't been avoiding her per se. Rachel knew Quinn was just sticking to the friendly acquaintance thing really, keeping her side of their agreement. The few times they had talked this week it had been because of chance encounters, like at Finn's or in the choir room. Rachel hadn't searched out the blonde deliberately. She was been biding her time until she officially left Finn before actively starting to make things right with Quinn. _

_So the blonde suddenly showing up to her home was strange. Her leaving something to her was stranger. "Today?"_

"_Yes." Leroy nodded._

"_What is it?" Rachel asked hesitantly, taking an half step her eyes instinctively falling on the big bag by the table._

"_A dress."_

"_For the prom?" Rachel chocked out feeling tears gathering in her eyes. It could be the only reason couldn't it? God how much she hoped it was it._

"_Yes." Leroy confirmed. Apparently his daughter hadn't forgot about Quinn's promise any more than the blonde had. And from the looks of things Quinn's fear that Rachel wouldn't even care enough to open it was at least as unfounded._

"_Really?" Her voice was trembling. But she asked, wanting to be sure, having to be sure before letting her hope rise. This was Quinn's first gesture that couldn't be chalked up to friendly-acquaintance behavior since their bathroom talk on Monday. The first real sign that Quinn wanted more out of their relationship than _hello _and _goodbye_._

"_Really." Leroy said gently, watching his daughter stepping almost daintily to the bag before touching it with what could only be called reverence. Like she didn't believe the large bag was there in front of her. _

"_What she said?" Rachel asked looking straight in their eyes, pleading them. Because Quinn always chose her words carefully. "Exactly I mean."_

"_She said didn't want to break any more promises to you."_

_It was then that the tears began to flow. Because Quinn kept doing all the right things and she just kept messing everything up taking rash decisions. Decisions that no matter how right they seemed in the moment she took them only revealed themselves to be the worst one she could make. _

_She just couldn't seem to get things right._

The doorbell distracted her from her thoughts.

"Your date is here Rachel." Hiram's voice called from downstairs.

Rachel took the matching red purse from the dresser. "I'm ready."

"You sure?" Her dad asked and Rachel knew he wasn't asking her if she had forgot something. He was talking about choosing to be Finn's date at prom. Her fathers didn't understand why she was going with him while wearing Quinn's dress, especially after she had explained just why the gift was so meaningful.

The truth was that things had got out of hands.

As soon as she had realized she had done a mistake accepting Finn's invite, Rachel had made a plan to let him down gently. It was the least she could do since it was her who had involved him too in this mess. She had thought it would be a matter of going out with him a couple of times, try as hard as she could to not lead him on and as soon as possible tell him they weren't working.

Finn would be hurt they hadn't worked but at least he would have known she had given them a chance, and then she could have focused her complete attention on Quinn.

It would have taken only ten days at most and Rachel really didn't think that things between Quinn and her would change in ten days, especially not when Quinn had asked her to go back to be friendly-acquaintances.

Easy.

She had been wrong.

Because Quinn had showed up with the dress Thursday.

The dress she had promised she would get for her the same day Rachel had asked her to be her prom date.

And now that Quinn had made the first step to deepening their relationship once more she couldn't reciprocate without breaking Finn heart. Because leaving him on prom day when every time he looked at her she could see how much he cared for her would do exactly that. And Rachel just couldn't bring herself to do to another person what she had done to Quinn.

"I'm sure." Rachel confirmed smiling just a bit even as a part of her told her this was the wrong choice even if it felt like there wasn't a right one. _"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."_ Because Rachel knew that if Quinn still loved her, and how she could still amazed her, seeing her with Finn would only hurt the blonde. Again.

"Then I'll escort you downstairs Milady." Leroy making a show of offering his arm to Rachel.

"Why, thank you, gentle sir." Rachel kissed him on the cheek before letting her father lead her down. She was grateful of his support even when she knew he, nor her daddy, approved of her actions.

At the foot of the stairs stood Finn looking really handsome in his black tuxedo. He was talking with her daddy, nodding here and there, playing nervously with what could only be her corsage.

Rachel hesitated for a moment on the first step.

"You ok darling?" Leroy asked her feeling her stop.

"I'm alright dad." She reassured starting to walk again.

Hearing someone come down Finn raised his head and looked at her adoringly, smiling at her just a touch nervously. He was rocking on his feet a bit, like he had way too much energy to just stay still because of his happiness.

It was perfect, a dream come true.

Only it was the wrong one.

Like an out of her body experience Rachel saw herself reach the bottom step and kiss her date on the cheek.

"You're beautiful." Finn complimented taking her in.

"Thanks Finn." Rachel said smiling her wide, perfect show smile. He didn't seem to notice the difference and simply smiled back with that boyish grin she had found so charming last year.

After Rachel remembered only flashes of what followed.

Her fathers flittered about taking a million of photographs of them in various poses proud smiles on their faces. They glared benignly to Finn admonishing him to treat her right and make thing night a dream come true. They reminded her to come home by curfew but winked while saying it to let her known it was alright to break it, this time.

It was really perfect, almost like a movie scene. And all she felt was a sort of fond detachment from it.

"I took red roses." Finn said, giving her the corsage he had in his hands when Hiram and Leroy finally took a step back, satisfied they had fulfilled all their fatherly duties.

"Thanks Finn." It wasn't original, but it was romantic and it went well with the intense red of her dress. She put the corsage on her wrist and almost absently caressed the red fabric once more. It was soothing.

"Shall we go?" Finn asked.

"Of course." And with that she kissed goodbye to her fathers and followed Finn to his truck. He even held the door for her.

"I'm so happy you agreed to be my prom date." Finn said once they were on their way. He was grinning, obviously happy.

"Me too." Rachel lied, not meeting his gaze.

xxx

"So, you ready?" Quinn asked lightly to other three in the car but really looking at Santana. The four of them were in the parking lot, still in Dave's car. The boy had offered to play the chauffeur for the night and the three girls had been only too happy to accept. Dave had took Santana decision to break up before planned really well, more so when the Latina had informed him that the four of them could go to the prom together and since Quinn was dateless too he would have someone to spend the night with.

The evening had gone well until they had reached the school. Once the engine was off nobody had been ready to get out of the car. Because, no matter how well they had hidden it with small talk and somewhat strained laughter, all of them had their own worries about this night. All of them but Brittany who was waiting just to give them the time they needed to get ready. Her dream to go to the prom with the girl she loved was coming true and her wide smile proved how happy that made her. Quinn envied her for it.

Santana on the other hand was obviously nervous. She had been quiet for all the ride saying something only when Brittany talked to her directly. Quinn knew she had been on the quiet side too, it was less noticeable since she tended to talk a lot less than the Latina. There hadn't been any awkward silence partly because Dave had engaged Brittany in small talk early on. Apparently they liked the same comics or something like that.

Quinn had been grateful for his help in defusing the possibly uncomfortable situation even if she suspected part of his sudden talkativeness was due to his own nerves. Because Dave too was nervous about tonight. Santana had officially left him only yesterday and the whole school had been talking about their sudden break up so near Prom night. What he feared was that his popularity would take a dive after the break up and he needed to be so popular that nobody would dare to question his sexuality.

Quinn's reason of nervousness was Rachel, as always. The blonde's hands almost trembled at the idea of seeing her. She hadn't really seen the diva since Wednesday. To be honest since having given to Leroy and Hiram the dress she had bought for her, Quinn had been avoiding Rachel. She had been quite successful too, if only because Mr Shue had cancelled yesterday's, and today's, Glee practice and they didn't share any classes on Thursdays and Fridays.

"I was born ready, bitch." Santana replied angrily from the backseat where she had rode with Brittany. The dancer looked at her for a moment and then entwined their fingers, hoping it would calm Santana.

Dave shot Quinn a worried glance at the Latina's tone but she just shrugged. A nervous Santana meant an angry Santana. Many things meant an angry Santana really. "Perfect." She said completely disregarding Santana's belligerent answer, intentionally using a way too cheerful tone. "So, I'll go first. I'll even put on the whole HBIC look on just for you S, with death glare included, just to intimidate them all so they won't give you problems."

"Fuck you, Q!" Santana growled but Quinn could see the gratitude in her eyes. Her friend was really scared about tonight. "I don't need anybody's protection."

"I knew you would agree with me." Quinn said smirking smugly, opening her door. "So shall we? You have a prom to attend and I have a crown to get…"

"Bitch." Santana called out opening her own door. Dave chuckled, getting out of the car too.

They walked in the school chatting a bit, greeting several other students on their way to the gym. Nobody took much notice of Brittany and Santana waling hand in hand. Once there Quinn stopped, waiting to see Santana nod to her before opening the gym's doors. And then they were inside.

Quinn strode in the room donning her best Head bitch in Charge look, her simple but elegant light blue dress only adding to the image of imperturbable ice queen. She was very deliberately giving out the "don't fuck with me" vibe.

It was a good thing too since some of them began whispering and calling their friends' attention when they noticed Santana and Brittany walk hand in hand in the room, obviously a couple. Soon enough it seemed like everyone in the room was looking at them. There wasn't outright hostility in the room but there was a sort of restlessness, one that could lead to unpleasantness if not controlled.

Quinn glanced quickly at Santana and Brittany to see how they were faring under the scrutiny. Apparently the slightly unfriendliness of the room was enough to irritate Santana. The brunette had squared her shoulders and began to glare at everyone. Quinn noticed with approval that Dave was on the other side of the couple, his posture obviously protective of them. _"Maybe he isn't such a douche bag."_ She thought. "Alright people, I suggest you all find something more interesting to look at. Now!"

"Or else?" Someone asked from the crowd.

Quinn took a step forward to meet this challenge. "Or else I'll make your life hell." She explained meeting each of their gaze before stopping on the boy who had spoke. Seeing her effortlessly singling him out, he took a step back. Quinn only smiled coldly. "I'll start having Dave give you a refresh course on respecting your betters, Adam Klepper. Just like I did two years ago." He was one of the nasty ones. An handsome boy who was casually cruel because he could get away with it. At least he had got away with it until he had tried to intimidate her in going out with him. Then she wasn't yet the head cheerleader but Quinn hadn't ever taken kindly to people trying to threaten her. "Because I didn't forget you, even if you seem to have forgot your lesson. It was slushy shower three times at day for two weeks, wasn't it?" She recalled, quirking an eyebrow. "I seem to remember that you come to me begging to stop it by the end of the first week. I'm sure everyone remember you crying the first day you were slushied…"

Most of the people were already turning back to their own night when Sue's cool tone rang out in the gym. "I get that my unholy trinity is drool worthy…" She said effectively interrupting the awkward situation before it could escalate, coldly reminding everyone that the Cheerios were under her protection. Quinn was never more glad to hear her Coach's skating tone than now. "But you better turn your eyes elsewhere before I give Satan the leeway to claw out your eyes if she catch you looking at her girl."

It was all it took for the last stragglers to find more interesting thing to look at. Santana just smirked cruelly at the Coach's words to add more weight to them. She was incredibly grateful to both Quinn's and Sue's intervention, they sure as hell had helped to smooth out any problems before they even could rise.

Now she only needed to have fun and give Brittany the best date of her life. She smiled, because, after this night, the blonde would never think about dating anyone else.

xxx

"A moment of silence please." Principal Figgins asked from the stage. "I have the results of the junior prom elections. Please can the candidates come up here?"

Several people made their way to the stage among the excited whispering of the room.

"It seems we have to go S." Quinn said with a mischievous smile, appearing as out of thin air next to the couple nestled in a out of the way corner. Santana simply glared at her from Brittany's arms. They looked cozy, wrapped in each other so thoroughly that even she had an hard time to say were one of her friends began and the other ended. Quinn only smiled more knowing perfectly she was bursting in their private bubble. She had seen Santana and Brittany slowly make their way to this quiet corner almost half an hour before and not leaving it since.

"Go away Q." Santana growled not moving an inch from her comfy place.

"But you wanted to be Prom Queen so bad, S." Quinn needled.

"I don't care anymore." She ground out.

"But I voted for you Santana!" Brittany whispered in the brunette's ear just loud enough for Quinn to hear. The blonde was struggling to contain her laugh at how fast Santana melted under Brittany's words and her pleading gaze.

"Alright." Santana agreed, slowly disentangling from her date. Once on her feet the Latina just stood there, holding the Brittany's hand for long moment before squeezing it once more before letting it go reluctantly. "Let's go."

"See? It wasn't that hard." Quinn remarked, falling in step with Santana who was practically stalking towards the stage.

"Shut up, Q." Santana said rolling her eyes at her friend but smiling a bit at the teasing. She was happy and not even Quinn meddlesome side would ruin her night.

They lined up with the other girls, waiting for the principal to read who had been elected.

Now that being elected prom queen didn't really matter to her anymore Quinn found the experience relaxing and fun. She really couldn't even understand anymore why her fellow candidates were nervous about this election. Whatever. It was the reason she nodded pleasantly to Zizes when their gazes met. The girl even nodded back. After the Lucy thing their relationship had got better but they wouldn't ever be friends and Quinn was alright with it. She simply didn't like Lauren.

So Quinn simply stood there enjoying the proceedings while Santana bitched at Figgins slowness.

"The junior prom's King is Dave Karofsky." Figgins finally announced. The boy simply smiled and stepped up to get his crown among the clapping. He stood there, waiting for the prom Queen looking both annoyed and pleased at the same time. Quinn knew Dave hadn't ever cared about being prom king and really hadn't expected to win, more so after Santana had broken up with him. Still, it had feel nice to be the most popular guy at the school. Finn sure looked a bit disappointed for all he didn't care about it.

Quinn and Santana clapped along the others. "It seems that your plan worked."

"I don't really care." Santana shrugged. "I already have what I wanted." Automatically her gaze found Brittany's in the crowd. The blonde was next to the stage clapping enthusiastically at Dave's election, still she found the time to wink at Santana when their gazes met.

"Mushy, S. That's mushy." Quinn said smirking. "You've gotten soft."

"Fuck you, Q." Santana replied back, blushing and glaring some more.

"The Queen is…" Quinn rolled her eyes at his dramatic pause. _"Really, is Figgins taking lessons from Mr Shue?"_ "Quinn Fabray."

"What?" She asked startled certain to have heard wrong.

Santana started laughing and shoved Quinn forward when her friend didn't move, too surprised to react.

The blonde walked to the centre of the stage like she was in a dream faintly hearing whistling and applauses. Then Figgins put the crown on her head, begun to clap too and Quinn just laughed, happy.

The King and Queen required first dance only confirmed to Quinn what she had already discovered at the beginning of the evening. Namely dancing with Karofsky was fun. When he wasn't trying to hide himself the guy was pretty charming. Quinn had spent much of the night with him and she had to admit he was a pretty decent human being.

"You think they chose us because our partners dropped us only to come to the prom with others?" He asked in a whisper straightening his crown a bit once they reached the middle of the dance floor.

"From the glares Finn and Santana are getting, I'm sure of it." Quinn laughed. "If I'd only known it was all it took to make prom queen was being dumped I'd asked Finn to leave me before…"

"They really haven't a clue about what really happens, do they?" His nod made clear he meant the rest of the students who were looking at them.

"Nope." Quinn smiled. "Nine time out of ten they get it all wrong, like Finn and me. Last I heard he dumped me because Rachel asked him to… at least nobody believed the one where I burst in tears when he told me he didn't love me anymore pleading him to not leave me."

The disgusted grimace on Quinn's face made Karofsky smile. "It's strange how this all worked out." He said leading Quinn around the dance floor with a level of competence the blonde appreciated. He wasn't a professional dancer by any means but he was much better than Finn.

"Yeah…" Quinn agreed with a smile-deprecating. "Finn and me broken up, Santana and Brittany together…"

"Finally." Dave added.

"Santana and Brittany finally together, you and me King and Queen." She shrugged. "If someone would have told me a month ago I'd have laughed at the fool. And with all that happened to me in the last two years it doesn't argue very much for my intelligence, does it?"

"Well, you're a blonde…"

"Dave!" She scolded swatting him, but she was laughing as was him. He was really a funny guy. They danced for a while simply enjoying themselves.

"You know what, Dave?"

"What?" He inquired locking his gaze in her serious one.

"Even if you are gay you don't have to come out in high school. Just don't lie to yourself and don't break some poor girl's heart."

"You know…" And strangely Dave wasn't all that surprised. And something told him it hadn't been Santana who had told her.

"I've known for some time now…" Quinn admitted with a soft smile.

"Well, you're the first to give me a reasonable advice."

"Well, I have a different point of view than many, Dave." Quinn smiled sadly. "I can assure you there is nothing romantic about being homeless and broke, to say only a couple of things that could happen if you come out now, depending on your family. I don't know your parents. If you aren't sure of how they would react, or you know they are the _"burn all homosexual at the stake"_ type, my advice is to wait until you can take care of yourself. Maybe wait until you're in more open environment than Lima, Ohio."

"You seem to have it well thought out." He hinted, suddenly suspecting the truth behind the sadness in Quinn's eyes.

"Sure I have Dave. My father is a bigot republican Christian, who sometimes is heavy handed, and I'm a lesbian who has known about herself since eight grade."

"You?" He was shocked even if he had practically figured it out after her advice. One doesn't have a thought out coming out plan by chance.

It was easy for Quinn to see that his thoughts were running along something like _"but you're a cheerleader…"_ so she laughed and asked right back with a mock shocked look. "You?"

"Touché." Dave conceded grinning back.

After that they kept dancing in silence. Karofsky thinking just how stereotypes were wrong, here they were, King and Queen of junior prom both homosexual. He couldn't help a disbelieving grin at the irony.

"When my father was around I hid it Dave." Quinn said in a matter of fact tone. "My own mother told me to. There isn't anything wrong in surviving."

"And now?" He asked curious. He knew she had been thrown out during her pregnancy but had returned back at home after giving birth. He didn't know the particulars of neither situation. They hadn't ever been that close and he had been too caught in his own angst to care about what was happening to a, then, acquaintance. After tonight she was firmly in the friend area.

She shrugged. "I have made inquiries on how people who could influence my life would react to it, and it'd be ok for me to come out. It doesn't hurt that I'm an emancipated minor, that my mother already knows and that neither of my parents can touch my college trust fund."

"Sounds like you have it planned well." And she had, Dave admitted. Maybe he should too. But this conversation was beginning to get too serious. So his next words were on the teasing side. "So what'll you do now?"

"Right now?" Quinn asked with a sort of mischievous look in her eyes and a smile playing at the edge of her lips.

"Right now." The playful look in her eyes was enough to make him curious. After the scene at Puck's party he was curious to what she was up to.

"I'll go sweeping the girl I'm in love with off her feet." She boasted before adding seriously. "I'll go ask her a dance."

"She knows about you?" Dave gently inquired, suddenly feeling protective of the girl.

"We were together for a time…" Quinn reassured him charmed by his worry for her wellbeing. Aside from Santana and Brittany, and once Rachel, nobody ever tried to protect her. "She is here with a date…" She grimaced a bit adding, "a male date… ex ex-boyfriend to be exact…"

"Ouch… and you'll still ask her?" Dave asked with a grimace of his own. It was never fun to be shot down and the probability of being shot down by someone with a date grew exponentially. Especially when said date was of your opposite sex.

"I used to dream about bringing her to the prom Dave. I had it all figured out. She would be at my arm in a wonderful red dress, a beautiful smile on her face. Everybody would have envied us while we spent our night together, laughing, drinking and kissing. I couldn't make it happen…" Dave could see there was much Quinn wasn't saying but he didn't feel it was his place to ask. "but maybe I'll get to dance with her… and it'll be enough, because I dreamed of that too…"

"So thank you for the dances, Dave." Quinn kissed him on the cheek. "Think about what I told you, ok?"

"I'll do." He assured her before smiling warmly. "Good luck with your girl."

"That's really the question isn't it?" Quinn shot back before disappearing in the crowd. "Is she my girl?"

xxx

"How is your foot?" Finn asked with a sheepish look.

"Better now." Rachel reassured him again. As usual he had stepped on her toes hard enough to really hurt.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" A feminine voice asked.

Rachel looked at the blonde for a moment, studying her and smiled. "Not at all."

"You sure Rachel?" Finn asked to check. He didn't want her to do something she wasn't comfortable with.

"I don't mind Finn. Really. I'm just ready for a break." She reassured with a smile. "You go dance with Mandy, right?"

Rachel asked to the girl who nodded. She had noticed how the girl looked at Finn. And sincerely considering she was just waiting for the right time to dump him it was cruel to make him lose this opportunity to met another girl. God only knew she wasn't jealous of Finn. If he hooked up with Mandy so much better.

And her foot hurt like a bitch. Sitting down was in order.

xxx


	17. Chapter 17

**First thanks to everyone who follows this story. A special thank you to the ones who take time to leave a review, they are much appreciated. Thanks to ****smartblonde317, joan0md, Kitsune no Kutsuu, .Slash,**** imaferrari****Lcrazemag, Rioshix**** for leaving practically always a review (I hope I didn't forget anyone). And thanks to whom has found the story later on but reviewed it anyway.**

**Sorry for the wait but my mind keep going back to "Plan B" until I just had to write that one. Really, after seeing 3x18 I didn't know if laughing or crying…**

**Second and last chapter about prom night. And you get practically only Brittana and Faberry too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

**Chapter 17**

Rachel was sitting at one of the tables, almost hiding, sadly smiling at just why this evening didn't felt right. It was just about what she had dreamed when she was little and still it was completely wrong.

She was at the prom, with the quarterback as her date and a beautiful dress. It should have been perfect. The dress. The elegant, obviously expensive, dress that her ex-best friend, ex-girlfriend, ex-tormenter, now friendly acquaintance had given to her. Absently mindedly she caressed the smooth fabric finding comfort in the tangible proof the Quinn still cared about her.

And that was the reason the night didn't felt right. Because since three years ago Quinn had always been at her side in this dream.

She missed Quinn. God, how she missed her.

So Rachel sat there thoughtfully looking at the couples dancing at the slow songs. It was interesting to see the chemistry between them. Some were obviously just friends dancing. She saw Finn dancing with the Cheerio she had already forgotten the name of, again, laughing and having fun. Only a few were obviously in love. Like Kurt and Blaine who were dancing just a bit to the side. And then there were Brittany and Santana, the surprise of the night. She too had done a double take at seeing their entrance like everyone in the hall. Then Rachel had smiled at seeing Quinn coldly glare at everyone who was frowning at her friends until they didn't find something more interesting to look at. She loved Quinn's protective side, she always had.

Feeling a presence at her side Rachel turned just a bit and her breath caught in her throat. Quinn was here, less than a foot from her, clad in a stunning black dress that complimented subtly her own, her hand stretched out.

"Can I have this dance?" The words sounded alien to Rachel, like they had been spoken in another language.

Quinn just stood there bearing Rachel's searching look, patiently waiting for her reply. It was the ever so slightly shaking of Quinn's hand that suddenly made it real for her. Rachel nodded, speechless, offering her own hand and slowly raising from her seat with the blonde's aid.

"May I lead?" Quinn asked respectfully before taking any dancing stance.

"Sure." Rachel consented, charmed at the thoughtfulness. Quinn took a step until she was standing close to the brunette. The taller girl held her left hand open and put her right arm around Rachel. Smoothly the brunette placed her fingers in the proper position and rested her left arm on Quinn's right. They stood like that for a moment just enjoying the intimate position before starting to dance. Soon Rachel lost herself completely in the music, trusting Quinn to lead her.

It felt right in a way that dancing with a partner never had for Rachel.

"You look beautiful." Quinn said at last. It sounded more like an afterthought that something that Quinn wanted to say and the slight blush on the blonde's cheeks confirmed Rachel's assumption.

"Thank you and thanks for the dress. You shouldn't have…"

"I had to, because I had promised to get you a dress and I broke enough promises to you. I didn't want to break another. So just thank you for wearing it, it means a lot to me."

"Why shouldn't I have?" Rachel prompted gently wanting to know what the blonde was thinking, needing to know, because she was sure there were a deeper meanings behind Quinn's words.

"Because I hurt you." Quinn said in a soft feeling tone with indescribable sadness in her hazel eyes..

"I hurt you too…" Rachel whispered back, openly acknowledging it for the first time.

"Yeah, you did."

Rachel swallowed hard trying to master her gathering tears at how sad and broken Quinn sounded saying that. How resigned to it she was, like she had always expected it and deserved it too. "Quinn, about us…"

"Shh, please." Quinn pleaded putting a finger on Rachel's lips. "Can I just have this dance?" The blonde almost begged. "I dreamed about it for years. Whatever else we can talk about it later or tomorrow if you want. Just give me this dance, please…"

"Then maybe we can have two dances, since I dreamed about dancing with you too." Rachel replied with a soft smile that made Quinn smile back.

They had stopped dancing four songs later, when the music changed, getting faster. Neither of them had asked for the other dances but neither had complained when they had just kept dancing. They had stood there for a long moment, neither ready to go back to the reality. Rachel had felt like crying seeing Quinn finally take a step back. But the blonde had surprised her, instead of just leaving she laced their fingers together and gently lead her to the buffet at the other side of the gym.

They walked slowly, sharing timid smiles here and there.

Gathering her courage Rachel squeezed the fingers in her hand, eliciting a smile from Quinn.

When they reached the buffet, Rachel felt the blonde's fingers slowly slip from her own, almost like in a goodbye caress. It took all Rachel had to not grasp desperately at them.

"I'm sorry for the song…" Quinn's words distracted her from her thoughts. "I know it hurt you…" The blonde apologized handing her a soda, looking at the dancing crowd to avoid having to look at Rachel's eyes. She didn't think she was strong enough to have this talk if she looked in those brown eyes.

"It did." The emotions that flickered on Quinn's face were too fast for Rachel to read them but the wince wasn't. She could see only the profile but she drank it in, unashamedly staring at the beautiful blonde. "But you felt that Quinn…"

"Not all of it…" Quinn revealed taking the first sip of her soda. She had taken it more to have something to play with during what she knew would be a difficult conversation than to drink it, but her throat felt unexpectedly parched.

"Not all of it…" Rachel repeated like she was trying out the words. "Then why did you sing it?" She asked even if she wanted to know what of that song Quinn didn't mean. But she knew Quinn wouldn't answer to that.

"I was scared and I took it out on you, I'm sorry about it." Quinn apologized in a quiet tone still looking at the crowd. "I'm truly sorry Rachel. You didn't deserve it." Rachel wasn't sure Quinn was only talking about the song anymore. But it didn't matter. Rachel felt tears gather in her eyes at the confession, because she had been scared too and had took it out on Quinn too and she still couldn't find the words to plead for forgiveness. "I'm sorry about the scene in the cafeteria too, I had no right to be jealous…" Quinn snapped her mouth shut, realizing she was saying too much.

"What were you were jealous of Quinn?" Rachel asked quietly, intently, taking the blonde's chin and gently turning her face towards her.

"I…" Quinn started only to stop when Finn come up and took Rachel in his arms. Quinn was so busy ignoring the sudden weight on her chest that made breathing so difficult that she didn't notice how Rachel stiffened at the unexpected contact. Quinn swallowed the lump in her throat and put a pleasant mask on her face complete with her trademark soft smile. It was clear she had run out of time in more than one way and whatever she had to say wasn't that important anymore. "…hey Finn, you look just dashing tonight…"

"Thanks Quinn, you look beautiful too, even if not as beautiful as Rachel." He added winking at his ex-girlfriend. And even if right now Quinn hated Finn for having what she wanted, she just nodded, fighting hard to keep smiling.

"Finn!" Rachel cried slapping his arm and almost stomping her foot. She was so pissed at his untimely interruption and didn't he have eyes? Quinn was simply stunning this evening.

Quinn laughed at Rachel's antics. "He's right, you know? You're the beautiful one." She said sincerely making Rachel blush. She laughed once more, with Finn joining her. Then Quinn's smile dimmed just a bit becoming more thoughtful. "Thanks for the dance Rachel." Quinn met her gaze and held it for a long moment.

And finally Rachel could see the love hidden deep in those hazel eyes. There was love, and regret and the melancholy of dreams that had never quite become reality. And a profound sadness Rachel knew she had been the cause of. She swallowed, closing her eyes for a moment, silently gathering her courage to say what she wanted to say, Finn presence be damned. She wasn't waiting anymore.

Blinking Rachel opened her mouth to speak but once again she was too late. Quinn had already turned and had quickly disappeared in the crowd, leaving a speechless Rachel in her wake and a grinning Finn who was unsuccessfully trying to engage his date in a conversation.

xxx

Santana hadn't ever seen Quinn look as happy as she did now that she was holding Rachel in her arms.

Happiness practically radiated from the blonde, from the beaming smile that made her almost painfully beautiful to the clear easiness of her posture.

It was a revelation, really. Every single time she had thought Quinn as happy, when they had won nationals with the Cheerios or regionals with New Directions, whenever things had gone right for her, from being the captain again to be the most popular girl in the school or the first in their class, paled in confront.

Quinn looked complete, like having Rachel Berry dancing with her was the realization of her most secret dream.

And knowing what she did, Santana wouldn't be surprised if that was really Quinn's most secret dream.

It sure explained to the Latina why Quinn had spent so much of the last three years sad and angry, especially to Rachel.

Hell, even Santana was angry at Rachel for having thrown away something that made the both of them this fucking happy. The dwarf had to be brain damaged to do that of her own free will. Because the smile on the smaller brunette's lips and the way she just molded in Quinn's arms, made clear she was as happy as Quinn was. For the first time ever Santana saw Rachel completely relaxed and comfortable in her own skin. Gone were every trace of her usual, and often enough grating, need of prove herself better than everybody else. And it made all the difference in the girl. Because if Quinn was beautiful, Rachel was stunning.

Santana turned her attention to Brittany who was had walked up to her side, she too looking at Quinn and Rachel with a thoughtful expression. "They look right together."

"Yeah, they do." Santana agreed sipping the last of her soda. "They look so fucking happy it almost hurts to look at them."

"I really hope they figure it out." The blonde said meeting her gaze and smiling at her. "Like us."

Santana smiled back and put her almost empty cup on the table. She had lost enough time watching her best friend. "Do you wanna dance?"

It would be their first slow dance of the night. But if Quinn had the balls to slow dance with her ex girlfriend, and resident loser, in front of the whole school Santana had more than enough balls to dance with her girlfriend.

"Yes, San." After having disposed of her own drink, Brittany offered her hand and then led them to the center of the dance floor.

Santana smirked seeing the people automatically made room for them, before she lost herself in the rightness of dancing with Brittany. With the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of her best friend looking straight at her with a soft smile at the edge of her lips. When their gazes met Quinn nodded slightly, her smile growing wider.

Santana just rolled her eyes at the unnecessary approval but then she smiled too. Because the Latina had to admit that being in Brittany's arms made her smile just as widely as Rachel Berry did in Quinn's, and even if realizing the dwarf and she had something in common made her a little queasy she ignored it because she was so fucking happy.

Brittany and she danced together until it was almost late, telling whoever wanted to cut in to get lost. And Santana more than once didn't do it nicely. In her opinion it shouldn't have been so fucking hard to figure out that they wanted to dance only with each other since they were on a date.

All in all Santana had to admit this had turned out to be one of the best night of her life. She had spent the evening with the girl she loved, dancing with her, laughing and cuddling too, at least when her best friend didn't find time to disturb them. She loved how Quinn had changed in those last weeks, really, but that mischievousness streak she seemed to have developed sometimes grated on Santana's nerves. Still it was way better than sad and moping Quinn. Or angry Quinn. Maybe she shouldn't complain.

"Shall we go?" Santana asked Brittany with a calm, sweet, smile when the song ended. The prom was winding down, with several people already having gone home, and the brunette had other plans for the rest of the night.

Without answering Brittany took a moment to look in the brown eyes and finally finding out what she had been searching for all the night, she leaned towards Santana, just waiting. They hadn't really kissed each other on the lips all the night. The brunette had been affectionate but reserved, almost shy, and Brittany hadn't wanted to push her out of her comfort zone. Being Santana official date was more enough for her.

Santana met her halfway and they kissed on the lips in front of the whole room. They kissed once, then twice. They were two of the most chaste kisses they had ever exchanged but they told Brittany how much far Santana had come.

"You're so brave, baby." Brittany whispered in the Latina's ear before pulling apart.

They slowly made their way to the door, saying goodbye to several people along the way. They met Dave near the buffet table his tie loosened and a silly grin, his crown dangling from his hand.

"Good, you're here." Apparently the boy too was ready to go home. "We need only to find Quinn now."

As if she had heard Quinn walked up to them a moment later. She still had the crown she had spent half her high school life dreaming about but she looked melancholic, almost sad.

"You alright, Q?" Santana asked frowning. She had lost sight of her friend almost half an hour ago, shortly after she had seen Quinn dance with Rachel.

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"It's just been a long, long night." She replied with a soft smile. She looked tired to Santana and something else the brunette couldn't quite grasp. "You ready to go?"

"Yes Quinn." Santana said rolling her eyes. They were near the door, all of them with their purses and coats, really she had to ask if they were ready?

"It's queen to you, loser." Quinn replied arching her eyebrow and using her coolest tone.

Santana almost took a step back in knee-jerk reaction before she saw the mischievous gleam into hazel eyes. "You were just waiting for the right time to say that weren't you?" Santana asked ignoring Brittany's and Dave's smiles at her instinctive reaction. Quinn really could put off cold stuck-up bitch with uncanny ability. And scare the living lights out of her with the routine.

"Yeah." Quinn admitted smiling.

"Fuck you Q."

"Really, S?" Quinn replied arching her eyebrow. "I mean, I always knew you had a thing for blondes, but really, your girlfriend is right here..."

xxx

Strange how only three weeks ago Rachel was so sure that being with Finn would make her complete when she hadn't really felt that way since she had lost Lucy due to her own stupidity. But it was only when he kissed her chastely on her lips on her doorstep that Rachel understood many things.

Things like just how much Finn Hudson was like Lucy Fabray.

In a single moment the similarities between become so clear.

Like Lucy Finn had been the only one to befriend her when she was friendless and bullied at school. He didn't talk much and often seemed almost shy when he did. He had showed her a kind and gentle side. He listened to her when she spoke. He was taller and more athletically inclined than her.

It was no wonder she had crushed on him almost as soon as she had known him.

The realization that she hadn't ever been in love with Finn but with a distorted image of him followed soon after. She suddenly felt bad for the tall boy.

And knowing that Rachel realized that things between them wouldn't ever have worked out in the long run. And it wouldn't have been his fault either. This one was all on her and Rachel cringed at the lengths she had gone to to make it work between them even when it wasn't working at all.

Talk about fucked up.

Rachel was only glad she had found out that Lucy was Quinn when she had because Rachel was sure it had saved her from making even bigger mistakes in her quest to have the perfect relationship with Finn. Having Lucy back, even an angry _I don't want to talk to you_ Lucy had finally showed Finn to be just the pale copy he was.

Because Quinn, for all her _I don't care about you_ talks, had done more thoughtful things for her in the last two weeks than Finn ever had in two years. She had been there for her when she had wanted to get a nose job. She had bought her dream dress when she wasn't even her date just because she had promised. She had even scolded Finn for having tried to feed her non vegan food for the nth time.

And now, well now, Rachel wanted to laugh at herself for ever thinking Finn was better than Lucy.

Because half the time he told her he was listening he wasn't, and Quinn could repeat verbatim what she had said even when the blonde told her she hated her. He was her friend but she wasn't his best friend, his priority, she hadn't ever been. Before her came football, than his other friends and his popularity. Because no matter what she had believed at the beginning about Quinn and Finn, he was the more attached to his popularity. The only thing Finn had going for him that Lucy didn't was his voice. And Jesse St. James had made Rachel realize the hard way that having a beautiful voice didn't make people automatically good or well-meaning. But even that wasn't true anymore, because Quinn could sing and sing well. Rachel had been really impressed by how well their mash up had come out.

Rachel was really curious how Quinn had managed it. She remembered Quinn's audition with Miss Ferguson and her voice hadn't been anywhere near as good as it was now. And suddenly the need to know everything Quinn had been up too in these last three years became all encompassing. Rachel wanted to get to know her once again and as well as she did before. She almost took her phone out and called her right then.

"I had fun." Finn said with a smile that suddenly wasn't all that charming to her. But Rachel smiled back at him all the same. The smile felt stiff on her face but he didn't seem to notice.

"Me too, Fin." But she wasn't thinking of the time she had spent with him. She was thinking of being back in Quinn's arms, and how right that had felt. She missed Quinn. "Goodnight."

And with a peck on his cheek, because she really didn't want kiss him again on the lips, she turned and got in the house.

Even without seeing him Rachel was sure Finn stood on the doorstep for a second, with his usual confused expression, before simply shrugging her strange behavior off and leaving with a lopsided smile on his lips.

Rachel leaned against the closed door thinking hard, absent-mindedly listening to his truck leaving her driveway.

"You're home early." Her dad said, coming in the foyer.

"I didn't feel like to stay out anymore." She explained simply. She didn't want to tell to Finn they didn't have a future on prom night. To be honest, they never had one to start with because sooner or later her need to have the perfect relationship to prove to herself she wouldn't run the first time she got scared wouldn't have been enough to held everything together. _"Next time."_ She promised to herself, because Rachel knew she would have to tell him directly because the boy didn't seem to pick up on her disinterest. Or her trying to set him up with the nameless Cheerios. But then again Finn hadn't ever been really perceptive.

"You sure you're okay?" Her dad inquired with a concerned look. Rachel couldn't really blame him for asking. She was sure her face was more sad than happy.

But for the first time in weeks she felt at peace.

"No. I'm not okay." She admitted with a wan smile. When they had danced together, for just a fraction of a moment, she had seen just how scared Quinn was of her and her feelings for her. "But with a bit of luck I'll get there."

xxx

"My house is in the other direction San." Brittany said as soon as Santana turned right once out of the driveway.

"Our date isn't finished." The Latina explained simply.

"No?" Brittany asked delighted.

"No." Santana said smiling back. The drove in silence for about twenty minutes before the brunette made a right turn, slowing down to take an almost hidden road. She drove carefully paying attention to avoid the many potholes.

Santana parked the car at the end of the short dirt road. They were in an open field far away from any city lights. "Come on." She said getting out of the car.

"It's beautiful San." Brittany breathed out, looking at the stars shining brightly in the sky.

Santana just stood there looking at her in the low light the full moon provided. _"God, how much I love this girl."_ She thought almost dreamingly before shaking herself and quickly going to rummage in the trunk to get a blanket and a little basket.

The sounds made the blonde turn from the night sky. "A picnic? Under the stars?" Brittany asked, walking up to Santana with a wide smile.

"Yes." The brunette confirmed. The taller girl had told her more than once how much she loved stargazing and picnics.

"But you don't do romantic, San" Brittany said softly when she was less than a foot away.

"I would do anything for you." Santana said shrugging, like it wasn't anything big.

Putting her hand on Santana's cheeks the blonde leaned down and kissed Santana hard on the lips. "Thanks San." She whispered a little breathless when they finally separated after the kiss turned in an impromptu making out session.

"Anything for you, baby." Santana said, licking her lips. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking once before quickly picking up the blanket and the basket that had fallen to the ground during the heated kiss. After spreading the blanket on the grass the brunette kneeled on it and held her hand out to Brittany. "Join me?" She asked.

"Always." Brittany replied smiling, laying down next to Santana.

They spent the night there, cuddling, just watching the stars.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for the reviews **

**New chapter guys. Sorry for the wait but I need a bit of time to figure out the last chapter of this story. I knew where they would get but not how, you know? It took me a bit of time to think it out. So now I can tell you that barring any complications, or inspiration, there will be 25 chapters in this story. **

**I really hope you like this chapter. **

**Chapter 18**

Like the most classical date Finn had took her to see a movie and then to dinner. And if Rachel could easily forgive the bad quality of the movie, after all he couldn't have known since it had just come out, she couldn't quite get over the fact that Finn had taken her to Breadsticks. Again. After she had told him more than once that all she could eat there was a single kind of salad.

At least she had made friends with the waitress. After having explained her about being vegan, and what it meant, the girl had been really helpful in making sure Rachel could get a meal as satisfying as possible. And even if the salad wasn't the best, the fruits she had brought in lieu of the dessert had been really good.

Rachel was only glad Finn had asked her out on a Sunday. Since it was practically a school night her curfew was set early, effectively cutting their time much to her relief. It had been a pleasant outing like many others they had shared. And all it did was confirm to Rachel that she had settled with Finn. Because when she had spent her time with Lucy things hadn't ever been only pleasant. They had been wonderful, no matter what it was.

She had been searching the right time for the whole night until she had just realized it didn't exist.

And now they were once more on her doorstep. She had to do it now because dragging this out any longer wouldn't help anyone.

"We need to speak." Rachel whispered, looking right in Finn's eyes.

"About what?" She could see clearly his confusion and she really couldn't blame him for it this time. "I promise next time you get to choose the movie, but no chick flicks, ok?" Finn tried, thinking that maybe making her see an action movie hadn't been the smartest idea he ever had had.

"It wasn't the movie Finn." Rachel paused to take a deep breath. She really didn't want to hurt him but she was about to break up with him and she knew he cared about her, maybe even loved her. No matter how she said it she would hurt him. "I just don't feel it." She admitted putting her hands on his chest. "Not anymore."

"You are breaking up with me, aren't you?" Finn asked even if he already knew the answer. He had known things weren't working out. He had thought the taking her out on a romantic date, just the two of them, would show her he was serious about them this time. For all the week Rachel had behaved like she was his friend and not his girlfriend. She had been pretty detached, almost aloof, and if there was a thing Rachel wasn't was being withdrawn. Hell last year he couldn't seem to make her understand he needed time away from her sometimes. That couples didn't really need to do everything together. He never thought he would miss her clinginess.

Rachel nodded. "It hasn't been like last year." It hurt him, Rachel could see it, but the spark really wasn't there anymore. And even if Quinn wasn't in the picture, going on would only hurt him more in the long run.

"You're like, sure about it?" He asked trying to gauge her seriousness. Maybe this was just her overreacting.

"Yes Finn." She said looking right into his eyes. She didn't want any misunderstandings on this.

"I just don't understand." He said rubbing his neck and shuffling a bit. "What is changed?"

"I changed, Finn." And it was true even if sounded like an excuse. "We just don't click anymore. I don't regret the time we spent together to see if there was still something between us." And Rachel was glad she had took the time to be certain of her feelings about Finn before trying to pursue Quinn, she just wished she had done it in a way that didn't hurt either of them. "But there isn't anything anymore but the care I have for my friends. I'm not in love with you anymore."

"You're not in love with me." Finn repeated like he was trying to grasp what she meant.

"No." Rachel confirmed gently but firmly.

"So this is it."

"Yeah, this is it." She said softly. "I'm sorry Finn, so sorry…"

He shrugged, confused and angry. "It's not your fault Rachel." He said at least, trying to be understanding even if it was hard. "You can't go around deciding what you should feel."

"No, we don't, do we?" Rachel asked herself thinking about Quinn's feelings for her. Or what she felt for the blonde. "It sure would be easier…" She added with a pained smile.

"Yeah, it would." Finn even managed to smile a bit saying that.

"I'm sorry Finn." Rachel and kissed him one last time, just a peck on the lips. "Bye."

"Bye Rachel." Finn watched her walk in the house with longing. He really couldn't believe this was the end of their relationship. It just didn't make sense to him.

xxx

**Three years ago**

"Quick Leroy! Close your eyes! They're at it again." Hiram shouted once they had walked in the living room theatrically putting an hand over his eyes.

"DAD! We're only watching a movie." Rachel whined from her position in Lucy's arms. She could feel her girlfriend shake from laughter behind her.

"Cuddling on the couch." Hiram added deadpan.

"It's not like you caught us making out." Rachel pouted, really disliking when her dad made a big production out of something like this.

"Shh, little one." Lucy whispered in her ear. "That's not something one says to parents." She cautioned, winking at Hiram. The man winked back really liking how the taller girl seemed to make his daughter deliriously happy. He could clearly see the love Lucy felt for Rachel in every single action, in every single word. At first Hiram had been worried when Leroy and he had realized that the two girls were about to get involved romantically, because many friendships didn't survive to failed relationships. And Lucy obviously completed Rachel's life in a way them as her fathers couldn't. "Then they could get ideas like an open door policy or chaperoning."

"I mean, we would never do something like that!" Rachel almost shouted, franticly back-pedaling. They had reached second base just yesterday and Rachel didn't want anything to keep her from enjoying it now that they both were comfortable with exploring a little. "Never!"

Leroy and Hiram both laughed until they cried at the vehemence of Rachel's denial, even Lucy couldn't help a snicker or two. Their daughter pouted, blushing slightly, slapping her girlfriend's arm for making fun of her.

"Come on girls." Leroy said once he caught his breath. "We need an hand to put the groceries away."

With a lower than normal level of complaints Rachel and Lucy got up and helped to bring the bags in the kitchen.

"So Lucy, when are you officially relocating in Lima?" Leroy asked, putting bacon and steaks away. He really liked weekends since because of Lucy's presence he got meat much more often than usual. Living with a vegetarian and a vegan was hard for a carnivore like him.

"The house will be ready in two weeks and my mom will start her new job at the same time." Lucy replied handing him the bread before putting the bacon in the fridge on the first shelf. She had spent more than enough time in the Berry's home to know where everything went.

"Good." Leroy said. He had noticed that Rachel, from a couple of weeks, had become almost withdrawn during the work week even now that the school had ended. She had never said anything about missing Lucy, but it was obvious to him that something was worrying his daughter. He only hoped that having Lucy around more would help her."You like your new house?"

"Yeah, I really like it." Lucy said smiling completely at ease in their kitchen. She had changed much since Leroy had met her. She was more confident and much more happy than she had been when they had met. Very much like Rachel. The only difference was that Lucy looked taller too on top of being more confident. Leroy knew it was due to the fact the girl held her shoulders squared now and not hunched like she had done before. "Not only my room is way bigger than the one I have now but we have a pool too."

"You never told me where it is." Rachel said, raising her head form looking in the bag where the vegan friendly products were.

"If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore would it?" Lucy reminded playfully to Rachel. She loved how curious her girlfriend almost as much as she loved to tease her about it.

"Meany." Rachel pouted.

"You have to hold on for only two weeks more, little one. I'm sure you can do it." Lucy said going to her girlfriend and hugging her. "Then we won't have only the weekends to hang with each other."

"I can hardly wait." Rachel said beaming at Lucy.

"Me too." The taller girl replied kissing Rachel's head before going back to put away the groceries.

xxx

Monday went as usual for Rachel. She paid attention in her classes and took copious notes in pre-calculus, because she found that class a bit hard. She wondered just how Quinn had managed to get a 95 in it last year, considering she had been pregnant and homeless when she had took it.

As usual nobody talked to her aside from the glee kids and a jock who had made fun of her. Rachel didn't know if it was a random thing or if it was related to her break up with Finn since by second period it was already all over the school.

It wasn't surprising since when they had met in the hallway just before first period, Finn had looked at her with a wounded look before turning his back to her and walking away without acknowledging her.

Rachel then shared a pleasant lunch with Kurt, Artie, Mercedes and Tina. She had told them a revised version of why and how they had broken up just to make them stop asking her the reason of her sudden, for them, change of heart. Kurt, who knew there was more to the story than what she had shared, had wavered between being upset at her or being glad that she had dumped his step-brother since he knew she was still hang up over her ex-girlfriend. The glare he had shot at her when the others had been otherwise occupied made clear they would talk more about this topic later.

Once she had told her friends what had happened and they had moved to gossip about the newest hot topic, Rachel had spent the rest of her lunch time trying to inconspicuously looking at Quinn. The blonde, along with Santana and Brittany, had sat at Cheerios' table like they did every Monday and Wednesday since rejoining the squad. That said table happened to be in the direct line of sight of the seat Rachel had choose, was just a lucky coincidence. It really hadn't anything to do with the fact that the brunette knew Quinn's schedule and habits by heart.

And if Rachel couldn't seem to keep her eyes off the blonde neither could Quinn considering that their gazes had met more than once during lunch. The blonde even smiled at her once. It was enough to make Rachel's day.

So all in all it was a good day.

It was only when she was about to walk in the choir room that Rachel remembered that she was supposed to duet with Finn and the smile that had been on her face since lunch disappeared. She froze just outside the door, not knowing what to expect from her often volatile teammates. She never could predict when they would take something at heart and make it a problem for the club or take something in stride not really paying any attention to it.

Still Rachel took a quick mental tally. Kurt, Artie, Mercedes and Tina hadn't seemed particularly angry after she had explained what had happened. That was good since they were the most vocal of the group in their disapproval. Mike and Sam generally didn't get involved in things like this. Lately Puck and Lauren were took involved in each other to notice anything else. Quinn hadn't any reason to be upset about it and that should take care of Santana too. Brittany was unpredictable but generally sympathetic about matters of heart.

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and stepped in, ready for anything. She sighed in relief when she noticed she had been right. There wasn't any hostility in the room, just a sort of awkwardness that showed in the lowered voices and a bit of nervous shuffling around. To keep things as smooth as possible Rachel took a seat on the opposite side from Finn, who had chosen to seat at his usual place. Rachel busied herself studying a sheet of music she had with her while the others talked.

As soon as Will walked in the room Finn spoke up. "I can't sing with Rachel."

"What?" Will asked surprised. "She is your duet partner!"

"Then I want to change partner for the duet." He said shrugging, like it wasn't a big deal.

"Finn you can't. You can't just decide to change partners, like this." Shue began before noticing his serious, almost sad look. "And why? You guys always sing together."

"Well we won't this time." Finn ground out beginning to get flustered. It was obvious he didn't want to speak about it. "I just can't work with Rachel right now."

"Please Mr Shue. Finn is right, we need time apart." Rachel explained, she too not particularly comfortable with singing with the tall boy. She really didn't want to risk any misunderstanding with Quinn and singing a love song with Finn spelled trouble in her mind. "We are in a moment where our personal growth would benefit greatly from time spent apart. We could still sing together, because we are both professionals, but it would be an undue stress to make us perform together right now if there is no stringent need to do so."

Will looked at them for a long moment, then tried one last time to make them do the duet without openly forcing them. "I don't agree with this idea, but if you find someone willing to change partner you can do it." He really didn't think anyone would be inclined to do so not so late in the assignment. Not when they were choosing duets to perform for Nationals.

"I'll sing with Finn." Kurt volunteered, surprisingly. He wanted to make being dumped twice in as many weeks as easy as he could on Finn. The awkwardness between Rachel and him was so tangible that it was just cruel to let them work together right now. To be honest Kurt had hoped Rachel would just get over her ex girlfriend and be happy with his step brother but he had seen enough at prom night to realize Rachel's feeling had really changed. And if things were like that she hadn't been wrong to break up with him.

"It's that okay with you Quinn?" Will asked, hoping she would say no.

Kurt shot a quick look to Quinn to plead with her to just get along with his idea. He saw her surprise turn in indecision then she nodded just a bit to give her agreement.

Kurt sighed in relief, the sometimes friendship between Rachel and her was at best tempestuous and he never knew how either of the girls would react when they had to spend time together. They could go on famously well, like they were the best of friends, or end up in a vicious fight unpredictably. It seemed like they never quite figured out if they hated or liked each other.

"Yes Mr Shue." Quinn wanted to pat herself on the back. Her voice was calm and collected as always, there wasn't a trace of the nervousness she felt in it. She practically felt seasick at thinking about spending the kind of time need to prepare a duet together with Rachel but she felt sort of elated too. Because she missed Rachel and no amount of telling the brunette or herself they should just be acquaintances made the fact any less true.

"Okay, the new couples are Finn and Kurt and Rachel and Quinn." Shue said defeated. "So as for the songs how are we doing this?"

"Finn and I need another song." Kurt spoke up. "Neither is appropriate for two step brothers." From Finn's vaguely sick look he shared his opinion that singing My Boo or American boy together was out of question.

"Alright. You two can choose another song." Will allowed with a determined nod. "Rachel, Quinn, you choose between the songs you guys had to perform before." The girls nodded so he went on. "So, who is ready to go today?"

Before anyone could answer there was a knock on the door followed by a warm, feminine voice. "May I come in?"

Everyone turned to look at the door, surprised by the interruption and more so by the fact that it wasn't Miss Pillsbury nor Coach Sylvester.

"Elizabeth, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about your visit today. I have been distracted." Rachel apologized standing up and quickly making her way towards the woman, who still lingered near the door, not quite sure of her welcome. "Guys, this is Elizabeth Winthrop, my new vocal coach."

"A pleasure to met you all." Elizabeth said with a smile that broadened when her eyes found out a familiar face in the raisers who was staring at her with wide eyes. "And to see you again Lucy." She added in a soft voice.

The words were all it took for Quinn to overcame her shock at seeing her old vocal teacher walk in the choir room and run in Elizabeth's waiting arms. Neither of them paid any attention to the shocked gasps and disbelieving whispering the action caused. Almost nobody in the room had ever seen Quinn react to anyone so emotionally.

"God, how I missed you." Quinn said in a whisper trying to control her tears. She had lost all contacts with Elizabeth after being thrown out of her home. She kept her number on her old address book, one of the things she had forgot to get in that short half hour Russell had given her. When she had gone back home she had found out her father had thrown away many of her things in a fit of rage and that address book had been among them.

"I missed you too Lucy." Elizabeth had been worried when, after almost three months without any contact, she had called the girl's home only to be told by Russell Fabray that she didn't lived with them anymore and he didn't know how to contact her.

"You know each other?" Rachel asked taking in the scene, her mind already working a mile a minute trying to figure out how they could have met.

"Yeah. Lucy here was one of my students." Elizabeth explained, taking a step back from the taller blonde and really looking at her. She had changed, matured much more than a child should have in less than three years. When she had seen her last time there was only pain in those beautiful hazel eyes. It broke Elizabeth heart to see it was still there, maybe even bigger, like other sadder things had happened to Lucy in these years.

"You took vocal lessons?" It would explain the huge progress the blonde's singing had done since the audition with Miss Ferguson. "But why?" Rachel asked softly, wonderingly, taking a step towards Quinn who suddenly was finding very hard to meet her gaze.

"Someone told me I was too sharp." Quinn whispered so quietly only Rachel and Elizabeth heard. "And I really wanted to be able to sing you a song without seeing you cringe."

"For me?" Rachel asked almost choking on her words. "You took singing lessons just for me?"

"There wasn't much I wouldn't have done for you Rachel." Quinn said looking squarely at her before dropping her gaze again. She wasn't strong enough to have this conversation looking in those brown eyes.

"You never told me anything." It come out as a whisper. And a remote part of Rachel was glad that this whole talk was made of whispers and soft voices because it was much too personal to share with the whole glee club.

"It had to be surprise for your birthday…" Quinn felt her cheeks blush at the admission.

"Which song?" Rachel asked intently.

But Quinn didn't reply, simply shrugging. So Rachel turned to Elizabeth. "Which song?"

"Defying Gravity." Elizabeth replied seeing the desperation to know in Rachel's eyes. "Glinda's part."

"Oh God." Rachel said bringing an hand to her mouth unshed tears gathering in her eyes.

The soft gasp was all it took to break Quinn's nerve. Misunderstanding its meaning and fearing the worst she turned on her heel and left the room without looking back.

Rachel took a quick step towards the door before stopping cold, looking uncertainly at Elizabeth. "I have to go… can you just…" She asked with a wave of her hand indicating the rest of the people in the room.

"Go." Was all Elizabeth said.

Rachel didn't need any other encouragement to follow Quinn down the hallway. Luckily the blonde hadn't gone far.

Rachel reached her before she turned the corner and took Quinn's wrist, stopping the blonde's flight. "Look at me, Quinn please." With a gentle hand she raised the blonde's chin until she reluctantly met Rachel's gaze. And for the first time in years the taller girl could see love into the brown eyes. "Thanks." The brunette breathed out. "I don't even have words to say how much it means to me you did something like that. I'll never have words. That's me, Rachel Berry, admitting you left me wordless." The brunette cracked a smile and Quinn couldn't help but smile back.

"Just _thanks_." Rachel licked her lips and then went on. "And I know this isn't the time or the place but I don't want to wait anymore to tell you this… I love you Quinn." She said looking straight into hazel eyes willing the blonde to see the truth of her statement."And I know you don't trust me and you have every right to not believe me because I hurt you. And I know it's all my fault I lost you, maybe forever, but I love you. I always have, alright?" Rachel said leaning up and kissing Quinn softly on a cheek.

The blonde's eyes fluttered closed at the sweet gesture. God, how she had missed Rachel's lips on her skin. Then the lips were replaced by the palm of an hand and Quinn let herself lean in the touch.

They stood like that, with Rachel's thumb stroking gently her cheek for the longest time both of them soaking in the comfort it brought them. It was the brunette who broke the silence with a quiet whisper. "You ready to go back?"

"Yeah." Quinn said opening her eyes and taking a step back, already missing Rachel's touch.

They walked back side by side both of them too lost in their own thought to notice their hands brushed against each other all the way to the choir room.

xxx

**See? I got rid of Finn. And gave Rachel and Quinn a duet… and I didn't even make them fight when they talked… talk about progress, mm?**


	19. Chapter 19

**So this chapter had to be up almost a month ago and be about four thousand words long. It's up late but it's long almost nine thousand words. I'm traveling a lot lately and apparently Quinn and Rachel had many things to say each other in the very, very, long last scene (I swear every time I re-read that scene I added something like two hundred words. At the beginning it was one thousand words, now is more than four thousands, draw your conclusions.)**

**Thanks to the reviewers, the followers? (there was really the need to rename the alerts?) and everybody who has patiently waited for this chapter (and those who asked for an update too ;-) ).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Chapter 19**

xxx

"God, I'm trashed." Santana said dragging herself across the field. "I don't know how I keep forgetting how fucking crazy Coach gets every year before nationals."

"She probably uses hypnosis to make us forget." Quinn mumbled, straightening the strap of her gym bag. It was digging uncomfortably in her shoulder.

"It wouldn't surprise me." Santana agreed. "Rachel is still on the bleachers." She added, seeing the brunette still sitting in the third tier near the stairs.

"Yeah, I saw her." Quinn said. She had noticed Rachel's presence as soon as the brunette had showed up almost at the beginning of practice. The little singer hadn't really done anything but sit there, working on what Quinn supposed were her homework and looking from time to time to the practicing Cheerios.

"You want me to get rid of her?" Santana offered, glaring at the small figure. After Quinn had told her how Rachel had broken her heart she had lost what little sympathy she had felt for the shitty deal the singer had had as high school goes.

"No, thanks." Quinn said smiling at Santana. She was really happy she had patched up her friendship with the Latina. She had missed her. She had missed having people in her corner. "Come on, let's go." Seeing Rachel getting down from the bleachers, Quinn asked to her friends, "Give me a minute?"

Santana and Brittany nodded but neither of them left Quinn as she walked up to Rachel who was waiting by the bleachers.

"Hello." The brunette greeted nervously, her eyes darting from Quinn to the other two and back, not quite comfortable with speaking to the blonde in front of the other two third of the unholy trinity. They weren't any less intimidating now than they were two years ago. Santana especially, since she was glaring at her like she wanted to bash her head against a wall just for fun.

"Hi." Quinn's voice was soft and a bit tired. It had been a long, long day and it wasn't even close to an end.

"You three practice longer than the others." Rachel said, hoping for a neutral topic. The rest of the Cheerios had gone home an hour ago, leaving only Quinn, Santana and Brittany to train with a crazier than usual Coach Sylvester. Sue hadn't practically made them stop for a second for the whole hour. Truthfully, Rachel didn't know how the three girl were still standing.

"Coach said it was our punishment for wanting to remain in Glee Club." Brittany spoke up with a shrug.

"Yeah, we are fucking lucky to enjoy an added hour to every single afternoon practice, Dwarf." Santana sneered.

"I had no idea." Rachel said looking concerned. "Do you need to reduce glee practice time? You must be tired. I'm sure I could work something out with Mr Shue. I mean you are among the best dancers in the club and I'm sure you can get the routines down in half the time, maybe even less if we changed something… maybe we could make your parts easier or…"

"Rach?" Quinn called out cutting her off.

"Yes?"

"Calm down." Quinn almost ordered with an hint of a smile. She had missed Rachel's rants on her behalf.

"Ok." The brunette nodded before adding, "I'm just sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Coach would have done it all the same. She would have just found another excuse." Quinn reassured her. "We have the most difficult routines to perform at nationals and we didn't practice for months."

"If you're sure." Rachel checked, looking straight in the hazel eyes. It was a relief to see that Quinn wasn't mad at her about it.

"I'm sure." Quinn said, before prompting Rachel gently, "So?"

"So." Rachel said back with a smile, before noticing Quinn's expectant and slightly amused look. "Right, we need to work on our duet if we have to have it ready for this Friday." She had been so happy that Quinn was almost joking around with her that Rachel had completely forgot why she had wanted to speak to her. "Do you want to come to my house? Maybe have dinner with my fathers?" She suggested hopeful, "They miss you and your witty comebacks." Before adding in a softer tone, "I miss you." It was only then Rachel realized just what she had said. She shot a panicked look at Santana and Brittany, already trying to think an explanation for her remark unsure if Quinn had told her friends anything about them.

"S and B know about us." Quinn said quietly seeing the brunette panicking. Rachel only nodded, relaxing. At least it explained just why in the last two weeks or so Santana had been glaring murderously at her. "Half past five is alright?" Quinn suggested, since she had already made plans to see Elizabeth for a coffee before once practice had finished.

"Perfect."

"I'll see you later then."

"See you later, Quinn." Rachel said before turning to look at the other two cheerleaders. The brunette took in how they were hovering protectively close to Quinn. It was clear now it wasn't just by chance. When she met their gazes again what hurt most wasn't the anger she saw in Santana's eyes, it was the wariness in Brittany's. "Bye Brittany, bye Santana." The two girls only nodded back at her and Rachel took that as her cue to leave.

"Will you be alright, Quinn?" Santana asked once Rachel was out of earshot. The brunette was quickly walking towards her car, almost running in fact.

"I don't think Rachel wants to hurt me anymore, S." Quinn said truthfully, watching Rachel start her little Toyota and leave.

"I would hope so since she sure as hell did it enough in the past." The Latina bit out as they too started walking to their cars, the last ones in the parking lot. They had parked side by side that morning, like they had started doing again since getting back on Cheerios. Falling back in the unholy trinity's old routines of showing an united front had been much easier than what Santana had feared. The fact that now Quinn had finally opened herself enough to permit to Santana to get close to her and really be her friend and that she had finally got her head out of her ass long enough to realize she wanted to be this Quinn's friend made it true instead than just a show for the school. Santana hadn't ever thought she would like to have someone to watch her back and support her until Quinn had chose to fill the role.

Santana walked to the driver side of her blue Camaro, sagging in the driver seat after waiving Quinn goodbye. Coach had really made a number on them today. She just sat there, waiting for Brittany to say her own goodbye and get in. Since prom night the Latina had once more started to drive the blonde to and from school. She liked having as much alone time with Brittany as she could. And it was well in her rights of girlfriend to drive her home. The thought made her smile.

On the other side of the blue car the two blondes were hugging each other. Brittany took the occasion to whisper in Quinn's ear. "Be careful but try to be happy, ok?"

Quinn only nodded, stepping back, quickly getting in her car.

xxx

"The coffee is good." Elizabeth started when Quinn sat at the table.

"Lima Bean has the best coffee in Lima." Quinn agreed starting to sip her own cup. "Not that it takes that much considering just how little Lima is."

Elizabeth only nodded because Lima was that little. "So Glee Club." She commented after taking a sip.

"Yeah." Quinn agreed.

"You started to sing again." There was a touch of wonder in the woman's voice and a smile on her lips. Seeing how devastated Lucy had been from her break up Elizabeth hadn't held much hope that the girl would ever sing again. The last time she had seen Lucy, _"no Quinn"_, she corrected herself, the girl had swore she would never sing again.

"Yeah." Quinn smiled back, shyly. In those months she had took lessons from Elizabeth she had found out she really enjoyed singing and, much to her surprise, playing the piano. The same instrument she had at best endured playing when her father forced her to learn it when she was little.

"When?" Elizabeth asked, curious. They had kept in contact after Quinn had quit singing lessons. At first it had been because the singer had been genuinely worried about the girl. Elizabeth hadn't ever known the detail of her break up with Rachel but had seen just how devastated Quinn had been. They had remained in touch even after the girl had moved to Lima. She had even hooked up Quinn with the only good piano teacher whom resided in Lima.

"Last year, just before we lost contact." Quinn admitted taking a sip. "I was trying to find a way to tell you."

The pain in Quinn's eyes was clear. "I tried to call you a couple of months later. Your father told me you didn't live there anymore."

"I… he threw me out."

"Because you're gay?" Elizabeth asked, inquiring gently.

"Because I got pregnant." Quinn's voice cracked at the end. "Can we talk about this another time?" She pleaded, her gaze fixed on the table.

"Hey," Elizabeth called out softly, reaching out and squeezing Quinn hand. "We can talk about it whenever you're ready." She waited for Quinn to compose herself enough to raise her eyes, then Elizabeth smiled and changed swiftly the topic. "So, I'm sure the fact that your Rachel is glee club's star of is completely casual."

Quinn snorted at the heavy sarcasm in Elizabeth's voice. "Of course." She deadpanned.

"So, let's sum it up, one day you got up, decided, what the hell, it's two years I don't sing because the girl I was doing it for, broke my heart, so let's just try out for a Glee club where, just by chance, she performs?" Elizabeth summarized.

"Exactly."

"Ok. Now tell me the truth." Elizabeth asked sipping her coffee.

"Rachel tried to stole my boyfriend, who had just joined glee club, so I went to my cheerleading coach and asked her permission to join glee club so she could have a spy in it, to bring it down, and so I could keep an eye on my boyfriend."

"So she tried to stole your boyfriend after she broke your heart?" Elizabeth asked arching her eyebrow. Sure, she had only met Rachel a couple of times but the brunette hadn't really seemed so callous to her. "That's fucked up Lucy, sorry, Quinn."

"You can call me Lucy if you want Elizabeth. I miss hearing that name." Then like she hadn't just admitted something so personal Quinn got back to the story, "Well, Rachel didn't know it was me at the time. For her I was the blonde HBIC cheerleader named Quinn." The blonde explained shrugging.

"I didn't notice she was blind or deaf." Elizabeth said, her arched eyebrow getting higher still. "Deaf above all." She snorted, incredulous. "Because a singer like her can't not have recognized your voice."

"We didn't really speak all freshman year. We didn't share classes and we hanged around with very different crowds. And you know she heard me sing only one time before I joined New Directions. And that wasn't exactly my best performance ever." Quinn said taking a sip from her own cup. She frowned when she found out the coffee was finished. Catching the barista's eye she motioned for another cup. Being a regular had its vantages. "And when we finally spoke I was a couple of inches taller, I had lost fifteen pounds, got much more muscular in the upper body." Thinking back at her first semester under Sue's thumb Quinn still wanted to curl up in a corner and die. Every freshmen who joined the Cheerios underwent to six months of two hours long daily practice to _"strengthen their flaccid bodies"_, in Coach Sylvester's words. "And I was blonde. And a mean bitch to her." She paused thinking back to last year. "I think Rachel didn't want to realize that Lucy and Quinn were the same person…"

"But now she knows, or realizes, or whatever..."

"Yeah, she found out a couple of weeks ago." At Elizabeth's inquisitive look Quinn just added, "one of those dramatic high school things. Someone got my transcripts and some old photos, found about Lucy Caboosey and tried to use it to ruin my reputation and my chances at being elected prom queen. I didn't deny it. And then things got complicated."

"If today is any indication I sure believe it."

"Yeah and you don't know half of it." Quinn said without elaborating. She really didn't want to talk about the pregnancy, not yet at least and surely not here. It was a conversation too private to have at Lima Bean's. "Things get intense pretty fast between us. They always have."

"The other kids seemed pretty interested in what you were talking about." Elizabeth observed, without hiding her dislike at their attitude.

Quinn snorted. "Several of them think they have a right to know everything about the lives of everyone in the club. Mr. Shue is the first to think that and encourages it, because, in his opinion, it makes us closer." She couldn't help but roll her eyes. "New Directions is like a big dysfunctional family where there aren't personal boundaries. And you can image how well that suits me."

"Yeah." Elizabeth chuckled. Quinn was one of the most reserved persons she had ever met in her life. It had took almost one month, where they had seen each other three times every week, before Quinn felt comfortable enough with her to tell her Rachel's name, and another month to confide in her about the bulling she had been subjected in school. But that had happened only after Elizabeth had asked her to explain the bruises Lucy sported on her arms.

"By the way, thanks for the save." Quinn said, grateful for Elizabeth's help in defusing the situation. Rachel and her had come back on the choir room just in time to hear Elizabeth explain that the reason Rachel was surprised to find out that she was Lucy was because she had talked with the little diva about her former student being a great piano accompanist.

"Well, what you were talking about wasn't anybody's business but your own." Really, Elizabeth still couldn't quite believe the brazen way she had been questioned by those kids.

"_What was all that about?" A tall oafish boy asked as soon as Rachel left the room to follow Quinn. _

_A chorus of agreements from several of the kids followed his words. Questions begun to overlap with nobody having any answers for them._

"_Yeah. What the hell just happened?"_

"_For a Quinn-Rachel fight that was just fucking strange."A girl said, making Elizabeth realize that Lucy went by her middle name in this school._

"_Yeah, there weren't screams or shoves." Another kid answered nodding._

"_I think this is the first time Quinn stormed out of the room…" _

_Elizabeth noticed that only three kids didn't join the others. Two girls dressed like Lucy were looking at the door with a worried look and seemed about to follow Rachel and Lucy. A too stylish dressed boy who seemed puzzled by the scene, like he couldn't quite figure out what had just happened. Elizabeth could see the wheels turning in his head trying to understand what all this was about._

"_Guys please." Will called out. "Silence," There was grumbling and shuffling but everyone settled down. Elizabeth approved of his intervention on behalf of the girls' privacy, at least until he turned to her and asked, "Would you maybe know why Quinn left the room and Rachel went after her?"_

_Elizabeth arched an eyebrow and looked at him with a cold glare. It was satisfying to see the whole room shiver in fear and the man who was obviously the Glee Club director take a step back. Elizabeth couldn't know that everyone in the room suddenly realized exactly from whom Quinn had learned her death glare. And the original was incredibly even more scary. "I really don't think it's any of your business."_

_But even if it was clear she had the whole room cowered at the moment, Elizabeth knew enough of human nature to know that as soon as she wouldn't be here they would barrage Rachel and Quinn with questions. And that wouldn't do at all. So she lied to their faces. "Lucy, _Quinn_, is a gifted piano accompanist." That much was true. "I spoke to Rachel about an ex student of mine, telling her it was a pity I had lost touch with her because I really believed they would work well together. She just couldn't believe the ex student I was talking about was Quinn. Quinn took offense."_

"_Drama much, eh?" A black girl said rolling her eyes, obviously losing interest at the explanation not even realizing Quinn and Rachel had just walked in the room. _

_There were several nod of agreements and a couple of comments."Typical Rachel…"_

"_Well it _had been_ almost a week since their last fight…" A girl built like a tank quipped._

"I'm just sorry your director seemed so taken with the idea. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you to play sooner or later."

"Yeah, Mr Shue is quite predictable that way." Quinn said rolling her eyes. The man had already started dropping what he thought were subtle hints to seeing her behind the piano for one of their numbers.

Quinn played a bit with her newly filled cup before speaking again, "I miss her Elizabeth, I miss Rachel so fucking bad."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to go back with her?" Elizabeth asked, carefully studying the girl in front of her. She looked sad and her hands played nervously with her new coffee.

"Yes. No… God." Quinn mumbled resting her head in both hands, frustrated. "I really don't know, Elizabeth. Right now things between us are…" She paused searching for the right word.

"Let me guess: they are complicated." Elizabeth deadpanned.

"Pretty much." Quinn laughed. "They are so fucking complicated that I don't even know what is the right thing to do anymore. I want to go back with her so fucking bad it hurts, but I'm damned scared of it." Frustrated, Quinn run a hand through her hair, ruffling it. "I keep going back to her. I promised myself I would avoid her, treat like she never existed but I keep falling back in a friendship with her. I lower my guard for a week or two, and suddenly I found myself once more her friend or she becomes one of mine. It's maddening."

"It sounds like you still love her."

"I know. I do love. I want her back. Problem is I don't trust her." Quinn admitted looking troubled. "I'm always asking myself when she will hurt me again, or how she will do it."

Elizabeth nodded. "Do you know if Rachel loves you?"

"She told me today she always has." Quinn admitted with a smile.

"Good. I'll tell you something then. Trust can be earned."

"I know that. She said she is changed but…I'm not sure she would choose me if she had to make the same choice again." "But when I'm with her I'm so damn happy." Quinn admitted like it was something to feel guilty about.

She studied the girl sitting before her for a moment before going on. "You know what Quinn? I still think that if it makes you happy it's the right thing to do." It had been something they had talked about three years ago, when it had become painfully clear that Lucy's father choose how his daughter spent time, which activities she could do and what she couldn't do. And he just didn't care for his daughter happiness if it didn't fit in his plans for her. At the time Quinn had had an hard time understanding how to choose what it was right for her. "Go for her, go slowly to rebuild the trust between you, but don't let your fear rule you. You would regret it later.

"Thanks Elizabeth." Quinn said smiling back at the woman. She hadn't been her student that long, but Elizabeth was one of the most important people in her life. She had been her mentor, more so than Mr Shue had ever been. "I have to go. I'm meeting Rachel." Quinn explained getting up.

"Yeah?" Elizabeth asked with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, before hugging Quinn.

"It's not like that, we are just practicing a duet together." Quinn stepping back from Elizabeth's arms, unconsciously smiling at the idea of spending time with Rachel.

Elizabeth just nodded with a knowing grin, waving goodbye to the teenager.

xxx

**Three Years Ago.**

Lucy closed her phone and stared at it for a moment before tucking it in her pocket making her way to the kitchen.

It was the third time she had tried to call her girlfriend since Monday and Rachel hadn't ever answered. Lucy was starting to get worried. This past weekend the smaller girl had seemed trouble to her but she hadn't wanted to spoke about it. Lucy had let it go, thinking Rachel was just in a funk.

But now it was Thursday and Rachel hadn't answered her calls or called back. Even when the little singer had texted her she had sounded strange. The answers to the texts were brief and to the point and if there was a thing Rachel wasn't, was laconic. So Lucy worried.

The only good thing about the situation was that tomorrow her mother and she would go back to Lima and with a little luck Lucy could see her girlfriend and finally talk to her.

"Something the matter Lucy?" Judy asked seeing the frown on her daughter's face. Sometimes it surprised Judy just how much her daughter had changed in these last months. Gone was the unsure, shy girl, replaced with what would soon be a confident, athletic young woman. Judy approved wholeheartedly.

"Nothing much, it's just that Rachel doesn't answer her phone."

Her mother nodded, taking a sip of her coffee. "Can I talk to you Lucy?"

"Sure mom." Lucy replied plopping rather gracelessly on a stool when her mother motioned for her to sit. The girl gave all her attention to her mother. It wasn't often that Judy asked to talk, she could count them on the fingers of one hand. Her mother was a woman of very few words, it was her father the one who liked to talk. A lot. loudly at times. Sometimes Lucy thought she knew his opinions on every possible matter.

"I know Rachel is your girlfriend." Judy said looking straight in her daughter's eyes. Eyes just like her own. It wasn't only the color. It was the keen intelligence she found there and that confident gleam that said Lucy knew what she wanted from life and she would get it. The same gleam her own eyes had lost years ago, when she had found out she had been pregnant.

Lucy's conception hadn't been planned, far from it. Judy hadn't wanted to abort the child but giving her up for adoption hadn't been really possible for many reasons that at the time made a lot more sense than they did now. So Judy had to revolution her life for her child. She had got married and settled down with somebody she didn't love all that much, when what she had really wanted was working her way to the top as a surgeon. She hadn't given up her carrier but she had had to forfeit a lot of opportunities, make different choices because of her daughter and her marriage.

Lucy just sat there, stunned. It took her two tries to get something coherent out of her mouth. "You know…" She had been so scared to tell her parents. More than once her father had spoken with disdain about homosexuality and her mother's stand about the topic had been up to guess as usual. It was strange to think that her mother already knew and nothing bad had happened.

"I'm not blind." Judy said simply even if she had to recognize that for a thirteen, almost fourteen, year old Lucy had been remarkably subtle in her affections. But she had seen how Lucy smiled at Rachel. How she instinctually leaned in her, or hold her hand. And her daughter had took after her in not being a tactile person. Judy disliked when people touched her or got into her personal space, she always had. She just wasn't an affectionate person.

"And… it's alright with you?" Lucy asked, cautiously checking.

"I don't care who you date." Judy said plainly. She had always found absurd thinking that religion or other people could choose who you dated or loved.

"Ok." Lucy said tentatively. It wasn't exactly the reaction she had hoped for but it wasn't necessarily a bad one. Her mother hadn't ever been one to be emotionally involved in anything. Really her non reaction was pretty standard.

"You have to keep it hidden from your father Lucy."

"What?" The girl asked, startled by the finality in her mother's tone and the instructions to lie to her father. They had always portrayed an pretty united front in front of her, even if they hadn't ever seemed close, not like Rachel's fathers, and hearing her mother tell her to hide something from her father shocked her.

"You know how he is. For him appearance is all." Judy explained looking straight in her daughter's eyes to make her realize she was deadly serious about this. "And you being with a girl doesn't fit in his vision of perfect family. Don't test him on this Lucy. If it comes between you and his idea of perfection he'll never choose you." With that last warning Judy got up and washed her mug. "I'm heading to the hospital. I'll see you later tonight."

Then she left the room, leaving a shocked Lucy sitting at the breakfast table.

xxx

They were seating, Quinn on the desk chair and Rachel on her bed, just looking at each other, neither of them knowing how to break the silence that was beginning to get more awkward than tense.

It hadn't started like this. Quinn had got to the house on time and after a friendly, if slightly tongue-tied, greeting at the door they had come straight in her room to work on their duet making small talk along the way. It had been a very promising start of a productive afternoon together in Rachel's opinion. One that would bring significant progress in their non-relationship too. At least it had been until they made their way upstairs.

_Rachel noticed Quinn's sudden hesitation on her room's doorstep. She just didn't understand it, nor she did understand the million of emotions that flittered in those expressive hazel eyes for jus a second. At least until she opened the only door of the house where a gold star dangled. The same one she had hanged up what it felt a lifetime ago._

_Only then Rachel recognized the longing in the hazel eyes followed by a sort of sad relief when Quinn realized how much the room had changed since the last time she had been here. _

_Rachel looked at her room trying to see it through Quinn's eyes. There had been many changes since three years ago, some bigger than others and some more meaningful than others. _

_Her beloved sound system, her fathers' gifts for her successful last year of middle high, had been changed last year with a newer model. The walls had been painted a different color and the desk had been replaced with a slightly smaller one. The many photos of them that had covered every single surface were gone, replaced with a scattered few of Glee Club's kids._

_Quinn didn't know it, but every single one had been put in the thick brown leather photograph album that sat on her bedside table. The album she loved to go through when she felt sad or alone. Rachel had never showed it to anyone, not even to Finn when he had asked. She had simply shrugged and said, it's personal to him. He had seemed put off by her answer, but she hadn't cared._

_Now Quinn was present in only one photograph, the group one taken after sectionals earlier this year. It wasn't a photo of them. It was just a photo that had them both in it. Quinn had stood to one side, slightly apart from the group, even if she had been one of the leads. Rachel too hadn't been really smiling. She had been too miffed by Mr Shue's sudden decision to change the leads._

_Rachel shot a quick look to Quinn. She didn't look upset at the changes more like resigned, like she had expected them. Then she saw Quinn flinch like she had been hit and suddenly the blonde's whole body stiffened up._

_Startled by this reaction Rachel turned her head to follow Quinn's gaze to understand the reason of such change._

_The hazel eyes were trained on the Broadway board hanged in front of her elliptical. And for the first time ever in her life Rachel wanted to take down the colorful board that depicted her Broadway dream, throw it away and forget it had ever existed. It was practically the only thing that hadn't changed from three years ago. _

_Rachel bit her lip. She wanted to say many thing to Quinn. That she hadn't let it up to remind Quinn she had come second when she had had to choose between them. That the board had stayed there only because she had needed more than ever something tangible to clutch at after she had sacrificed her relationship for her dream. But the shuttered off look in the hazel eyes told her that Quinn wouldn't listen._

_After that Quinn had shaken her head like she was trying to get rid of a unpleasant thought, donned her imperturbable mask, and made a beeline to the only chair in the room. Without saying anything Rachel had sat on her bed trying desperately to find something to say to bring back the easy going atmosphere of when Quinn had stepped in her home. _

It was Quinn the one who broke the silence before it become any more awkward. "We need to decide which song we'll sing." She said, keeping her eyes fixed on a far off point just over Rachel's shoulder. The blonde knew she sounded distant but she struggled to be here, in this twisted version of the room she had loved spend her time in, where the only thing she recognized was the shrine of the dream that had cost her Rachel.

"What do you think about doing _American boy_?" Rachel proposed hesitantly, reacting to Quinn's obvious mood's shift, trying desperately to make amends after having made the blonde uncomfortable. For once, the song she suggested hadn't anything to do with which one was best for the assignment and their voices. She didn't think that Quinn would agreed to sing _My Boo_ with her. Admittedly that song hit home too closely for comfort. And Rachel wanted desperately to make this as easy as possible for Quinn.

"Fine by me."

The look of relief in Quinn's eyes made Rachel think she had made the right choice suggesting _American Boy_. The quick reply surprised Rachel however. She was used to Quinn to just saying no to whatever she proposed when in this mood, not to agree with her.

"Which part do you want?" Quinn asked, moistening her sudden parched lips, trying for a conciliatory tone. It was hard. She ended up sounding strained, still it was a step up from sounding distant. She didn't want to fight with Rachel and that sadly had become her usual reaction every time the brunette hurt her, even if she did it accidentally.

"Whichever you don't." The brunette saw the flash of surprise on Quinn's face when she finally let her eyes met Rachel's, a disbelieving eyebrow raising steadily at the unexpected words.

Rachel let Quinn study her until she was satisfied by whatever she found in her eyes. Rachel saw her nod to herself and lose a bit of the distance in her eyes. "I'll do Kayne West's part." The blonde offered, knowing that even if Rachel was making her choose, the brunette wanted Estelle's part, just like Kurt. It was the most glamorous one after all. And Quinn was honest enough to admit that she didn't have the voice for it.

"I'll do Estelle's one then." Rachel agreed, grabbing one of the music sheets on her bed. "Do you mind if I rearrange this a bit to fit our voices better?"

"Not at all. I already did some work with Kurt if you want to look at it."

"Please." Even if the whole conversation could be taken as an example of awkwardness and tentativeness at least they had managed to be polite. That was progress.

Quinn grabbed a music sheet from her bag and handed it to Rachel. The brunette hummed approvingly taking it and beginning to work on them using a pencil to add notes here and there.

The blonde just sat there watching Rachel lose herself in the music, feeling herself relax some more at the once so familiar scene. Rachel was simply so damn beautiful with that half smile and the air of supreme confidence she always had when working on a song, absent-mindedly chewing on the pencil when she was not using it. Now and then the brunette hummed a couple of notes, frowning when they sounded wrong or nodding when they were just right.

Soon Quinn found herself smiling too, a sense of happiness filling her. For once she wasn't wondering if Rachel had ever really loved her. Or if she loved her still. Rachel's earlier declaration made everything different.

It didn't take more than five minutes to Rachel to rearrange the song, making Quinn suspect she had already worked on rearranging both _My Boo_ and _American_ _boy _earlier in the afternoon. "Is this alright for you?" She asked at last, handing Quinn the music sheet she had worked on. "If not, I can change it. This is just a suggestion, it hasn't to be the final arrangement. I followed your music sheet as much as I could. It was already a very good arrangement…"

Seeing Rachel so apprehensive and tentative while discussing music suddenly felt wrong to Quinn. The brunette had never been so tentative with her, not even when in the past she had sneered at her ideas or belittled her. She had always been stubbornly certain she was right and the rest of the world wrong. "Rach?"

"Yes Quinn?" Rachel asked her head snapping forward to pay all her attention to Quinn. Something was different with the blonde. She cocked her head on one side trying to determinate what had changed. The hard edge in those hazel eyes had vanished as had her stiff posture. She seemed calm almost happy to be here with her. It confused Rachel.

"I won't bit your head off." Quinn said with a smile, trying to lightening up the moment. "Please, there is really no reason for you to be so nervous. Nothing bad will happen if we disagree."

"I'm scared." Rachel admitted in a soft, serious voice, playing with the pencil in her hand, not meeting the blonde's gaze.

"Of what?" Quinn asked gently, leaning forward, instinctively trying to closed the distance between them.

"Of… of making you uncomfortable and have you leaving." Rachel finally said after a couple of false start. _"Of_ _making another horrible mistake and losing you again."_ She added in her thoughts scared that she already had said too much.

Quinn studied Rachel for a long time before softly reassuring her, "I'm not going anywhere." Knowing they were talking about more than just what Rachel had said out loud.

The silence that followed the blonde's words soon turned charged.

"I'll go get us something to snack with before starting to work." Rachel announced standing up, desperately needing to get out of the room to collect herself, her emotions far too raw at the moment to stay and face Quinn.

The blonde only nodded in agreement, she too needing some time to herself. As always things had quickly got out of hand once they had really started talking, becoming too real too fast for them to handle.

Once Rachel had left the room Quinn closed her eyes forcing herself to take long breaths and took stock of the situation. "_Nothing bad happened."_ She reassured herself, trying to put the afternoon in perspective. The strength of the emotional surge caused by Rachel's Broadway board had blindsided her and throwing her in a tailspin. _"Let's look at the bright side. I'm not worthless. There was never something wrong with me. I simply rated second after her lifelong dream. That's not that bad." _She tried to persuade herself, taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly. From how sore and aching her shoulder felt she knew she had unconsciously stiffened when she had stepped in the room. She run her hand through her hair, messing it up. _"Fuck it. I just want to be happy. It shouldn't be this hard."_ She snorted. Happy hadn't ever come easy in her life.

In the kitchen Rachel was busy thinking how what had to be a quiet afternoon together to know each other again had gone so wrong so quickly_. "Damn, damn, damn. I'm an idiot. It shouldn't be her to reassure me, it should be me reassuring her. I should show Quinn I changed and she can trust me."_ She cursed herself, rummaging in the fridge for the snacks she had already prepared, just in case they were needed. _"Calm down Rachel. You didn't fuck it up beyond repair. Yet. She is here and she promised to not go away again."_ She repeated to herself, finally finding the cubes of feta cheese she had chopped earlier. _"I have another chance. Let's make it count."_ She would grovel, she would plead, she would do everything it needed to be done to get Quinn back. And then she would never let her go again.

When she got back in the room with the snacks Rachel was welcomed by the sight of Quinn absent-mindedly playing with a pencil while working on a music sheet. For the first time since stepping in the room she looked completely at ease sitting at her desk, almost peaceful. It made Rachel hope there would be an happy ending for them.

When Quinn heard her coming in she turned and smiled, making Rachel smile back, relieved that Quinn too seemed in a much better mood now. "I got the snacks. You can eat carbohydrate, right?" She inquired having made a tray with the cheese cubes, Feta was Quinn's favorite cheese, vegan crackers and some vegetables for her.

"Yes, Coach isn't quite that strict with our diets." Quinn said with an amused smirk.

Rachel looked at the blonde from head to toe while setting the tray on the desk. "You sure as hell don't look like you need any diet."

"Why, thanks Rachel." Quinn drawled out making the brunette blush.

"We really need to start rehearse the song." Rachel said waving her music sheet trying to change the topic. "Or we won't get anything done before dinner. Dad and Daddy are getting home early."

"Right." Quinn agreed. "Do you have the instrumental base?"

"Of course." Rachel replied looking affronted that Quinn could think she was in anyway unprepared.

"Then let's begin." Quinn replied stifling her chuckles. Rachel's insulted face was still one of cutest things she had ever seen.

They had been rehearsing for about an forty minutes when they heard the front door open. To the relief of both girls there hadn't been any more awkward or tense silences after Rachel had gone to get the snacks. They both had had fun, simply enjoying singing together, making small tall here and there. Like old times.

"Girls? We are home." Leroy's voice called out, easily reaching Rachel's room.

"Where are you?" Hiram asked more out of habit than any need. "We have dinner. Italian."

"We are in my bedroom dads." Rachel called out.

"Come down then or the dinner will get cold." Leroy warned them his voice lowering as he spoke, making clear he was walking in the kitchen.

"You ready to take a break?" Rachel asked with a smile. The rehearsing of _American_ _Boy _was going very well. But it wasn't the reason she was so happy. She couldn't seem to wipe the smile from her lips because she felt like she was really talking to Quinn, opening to her. And the blonde was listening, really listening, to what she was saying, and not saying, and seemed charmed by it. She had even made Quinn laugh at one point.

"For Italian take away? Always." Quinn said already getting up from the chair. "Shall we?" She asked stopping at the door, looking at Rachel.

"We shall." The brunette replied following Quinn out of her room.

Less than ten minutes later they found themselves around the table eating take away from one of the best restaurants of Lima. Quite naturally Hiram and Leroy had sat on one side, with Rachel and Quinn sitting in front of them.

"So how was your day?" Leroy asked when everyone had been served with the first course.

"It was quite eventful." Rachel replied beginning to explain what had happened today, with hand gestures to accompany her excited voice in the more meaningful parts of the tale. As always Leroy and Hiram were following their daughter's words carefully, adding a comment here and there, or questioning something.

Quinn just ate her spaghetti alla carbonara, simply enjoying hearing Rachel talk freely, like she never did in school. She had missed how much more carefree Rachel was when at ease in her own home. It made her even more beautiful. Quinn let the familiarity of the scene soothe her, she had sorely missed it. She had spent many nights eating with the Berrys, mostly just listening to Rachel and her fathers talking, since she was a rather quiet person especially when relaxed.

"…and then Elizabeth said I had run after Quinn because she was an accomplished piano accompanist, so to avoid they would ask too personal questions to us." Rachel ended the recap.

"I didn't know you played the piano, Quinn." Leroy said turning to look at the blonde who looked lost in her thoughts.

"It's not something I speak a lot about." Quinn said shrugging her shoulders like it wasn't a big matter.

"Elizabeth said you are an accomplished piano accompanist, it's true?" Rachel asked curious herself about the real level of Quinn's skills with the instrument.

"Yes." Quinn confirmed simply, without any fake modesty. She was good and she knew it. "She is really the only reason I began play again. She made me feel the music." She revealed with a smile. "Something I had never managed before. As for being an accompanist that is just something we found out I was very good at while I was taking singing lessons. She even asked me to help several of her students to practice before I moved to Lima."

"Why didn't you never tell anything in Glee?" Rachel asked sounding aghast. She already could list at least a dozen of songs where having a piano accompanist would greatly enhance their group choreography.

"The same reason why I don't plan to become a professional piano player." Quinn explained. "I don't like to play in front of an audience."

"Good piano accompanists are often sought after, Quinn. You could get out of Lima so easily." Rachel stated frowning, her tone clearly letting show her annoyance with Quinn's incomprehensible stance about the topic. It was then that the conversation they had had that day at the piano when they had wrote _Get It Right_ played back in Rachel's head. She thought back to Quinn's plans to become a real estate vendor and felt herself getting angry at the idea that that was the future Quinn wanted for herself. "Don't you want to make something out of you? Get out of Lima?" She pushed.

"Of course I want to become somebody." Quinn almost ground out, making clear just how serious she was about the topic. "I'll make something out of me. The fact is I just don't want to become a professional piano player."

"Last month you told me you wanted to become a real estate agent here in Lima." Rachel pushed some more, not really knowing why, upset at the idea that the blonde didn't want to leave Lima.

Knowing the conversation between the girls had turned serious and really personal, Leroy and Hiram kept quiet, ignoring Rachel's brusque attitude. They knew how bad their daughter craved leaving Lima, or more exactly how she craved going to Broadway, and it was easy to see she had taken Quinn's refusal to become a professional pianist to mean she would stay in Lima.

"Damnit Rachel! My head was messed up, ok?" Quinn snapped back. "I thought I had lost everything that meant a fuck to me! I had given my child away, my mother was as distant as always, I didn't have a single friend, I had been thrown out the Cheerios again after getting back as the captain had cost me my best friend! And you, you were back to trying to get Finn away from me again! You were picking him over me again!" Quinn snapped her mouth shout after that and turned her gaze away from Rachel feeling too vulnerable to look into her eyes. She hadn't ever wanted Rachel to know how she felt about the whole Finchel thing.

"I never picked him over you Quinn." Rachel said softly, gently guiding Quinn to face her again. She could feel the blonde trembling under her hands. "I'll never pick him over you." She promised.

"Do you know how it felt to see you fighting for him time and time again when you have left me behind without even a backward glance?"

"It wasn't like that." Rachel explained. "He reminded me of you."

"Finnept?" Quinn sounded insulted.

Rachel grinned a this. "Sure. He was sweet to me when nobody even talked to me. He was taller and dark haired. He wanted to sing but was awful at it."

"I got better." Quinn pointed out, almost smiling. It was hard to stay angry when Rachel was caressing her check.

"Very much better." Rachel agreed. "And Quinn I'm fighting for you now. And I'll keep fighting as long as needed." She promised softly, quietly, looking intently in Quinn's eyes. And then she found what had been missing in them. That glint. The determined glint she had fallen for three years ago, the one that meant Quinn had a goal and she would get it no matter what. "Do you want to leave Lima?" She didn't say _with me_. Quinn heard it all the same.

"Yes." Quinn replied just as softly. "I want to get out of here, maybe even more than you do. I probably have even less good memories than you do of Lima and surely less reasons to stay." Quinn said quietly, looking straight in Rachel's eyes. "Next year I'll apply for several music scholarships in various collages. Just like I'll do with the academic or the athletics ones thanks to the Cheerios. I will get out of Lima."

Rachel nodded, reassured that Quinn had a plan to get out of here. "I'm sorry for the scene Leroy, Hiram." The blonde apologized, suddenly realizing that two people whose opinion she very much cared about were seating in front of her, during her blown up. Neither seemed angry at her outburst but she still felt the need to apologize.

"No, Quinn, it's my fault. And I'm sorry I shouldn't have pushed you."

"Why did you?"

"I don't like the idea of you believing you're not good enough to get out of Lima" She explained. "You are good enough." Quinn nodded but Rachel could see that even if the blonde wanted to believe her she still didn't really believe her words. She had made so much damage to the girl she loved.

"I'm curious Quinn, why don't you like to play in front of an audience? Only if you want to share your reasons obviously." Hiram asked changing the topic to something less sensitive. He hoped. And really, he was a little puzzled by Quinn's attitude. After living with Rachel for as long as he had, it sounded absurd to him that someone who had the talent to be on a stage didn't want to. Half the time he believed Rachel lived only to reach Broadway, that she only lived for people's applauses.

"It's not personal. I play the piano for myself, not others. For me now playing means expressing my feelings. And those are private." Quinn explained calmly, before falling quiet.

"Alright! Who wants dessert?" Hiram asked standing up. "We have vegan chocolate cake and normal chocolate cake." He said over his shoulder making his way to the kitchen. "I won't even ask you which one you want Quinn, just to spare you from having to come up with an excuse."

"Thanks Hiram." The blonde said. After the first time she had eaten the vegan cookies she had been careful to always have an explanation on just why she preferred not to taste other vegan backed items. "I'm a bit out of practice with them." She admitted cheekily.

"Well, get back in it or next time you'll eat vegan. Clear?" Hiram's mock threatening voice came from the kitchen.

"Will do." Quinn called out, ignoring Rachel's appalled look, and Leroy's unsubtly snickers. He had sorely missed having another omnivorous at the table.

When it was time for the goodbye Quinn went and hugged both Leroy and Hiram. "Thanks for having me over."

"It has been out pleasure sweetie." Leroy said stepping back from his hug letting his husband have his turn.

"Feel free to come over whenever." Hiram invited her. "I'll always have something vegan ready." He added winking.

"Thanks." Quinn smirked at him then turned to Rachel, who had been watching the scene smiling herself.

"You free on Wednesday?" The brunette asked. Spending time with Quinn, singing with her, seeing her interact effortlessly with her family it felt right. It was right. And Rachel would do whatever it took to have it back.

"Only after dinner time. I have Cheerios and piano lessons before."

Rachel who nodded. "That's perfect. Where do you want to do it?" She blushed realizing what she had said.

"You really shouldn't say something like that in front of your fathers." Quinn smiled amused at Rachel's words, winking at Hiram, who just smiled back at her. "My house will be perfect to rehearse our duet."

"Great. See you tomorrow, Quinn." Rachel said hugging the taller girl for a moment before taking a step back releasing her.

"See you." Quinn walking out of the door feeling happier that she had in a long, long time.

xxx


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**It has been two months. Sorry about that but my muse went camping or something, because I sure as hell didn't find her for half the summer. The good news is that this chapter is pretty long and very much faberry.**

**Thanks Jaely, your review made me re-read the story and you are right, I pretty much overlooked Rachel's point of view. I tried to address it in this chapter. Let me know what you think about it.**

**Salacious Vixen I pretty much agree with you about them being even, as for Quinn being victimized, I think it seems that way because much of the story is told by her point of view.**

**Thank to all of you who left reviews, favorited this story, or are following it, it means much. And now the chapter:**

**Not ready**

**Chapter 20**

The week had gone by so fast that Quinn could scarcely believe it was already Friday and Rachel and she were waiting to perform American Boy in front of the whole club.

The fact that they were waiting for their turn sitting next to each other was really proof of how much things had changed between them.

It had been and odd, beautiful, week really. Rachel and she had been practically inseparable. Like old times, only better.

They had had lunch together on Tuesday in the choir room, to rehearse their duet. They had ended simply talking for more than half their lunch hour even sharing Rachel's fruit salad that quite casually had peaches in it, Quinn's favorite fruit. Wednesday after Cheerios practice Quinn had gone to pick up Rachel from ballet and drove them at her house were they had spent the rest of the afternoon working on the song, with Quinn providing music accompaniment at her beloved piano. Last night Rachel had practically dragged her at her home so that they could _"put some more practice in"_ after dinner. Not that she had put up that much resistance to the idea. Most of the night had been spent laughing with Leroy and Hiram.

It had made Quinn realize many things. Rachel hadn't really changed but she had seriously matured in this three years, even if she suspected the biggest changes in the brunette had happened over the last year. And Quinn had found out she liked this grow up version of her ex-girlfriend, really liked it.

It also made her realize that she had let the fear of being hurt rule her life for the last years. She had kept everyone at arm's length and only in this last weeks she had remembered how much more enjoyable was letting others in. Because she hadn't spent her time only with Rachel. Santana and her had talked, and no small talked, at practice about how much the Latina was happy with Brittany and how Quinn was coping with having to work so closely to Rachel. After that talk Quinn had felt better, much more grounded, even if she had sucked at putting into words exactly why she didn't felt uneasy or angry when she spent time with Rachel.

Feeling someone nudge her shoulder, Quinn blinked and turned to her right. Rachel caught her gaze and winked at her. Quinn couldn't help but smile back at her. Yeah, maybe it was really time to stop being afraid let others all the way in.

"Ahh… thanks Mike and Artie." Mister Shue said clapping politely along with the others, internally still cringing and from the faces around him he wasn't the only one who hadn't found the rendition of (I've Had) The Time Of My Life thrilling. Will promised himself to never make Mike and Artie sing together again, even if he had to rig the draw the next time he used the hat.

Sheepishly, the two boys made their way back to the risers, they too painfully conscious of just how bad they had sounded singing I've had the time of my life. And it went better then when they had practiced. With a glance and a nod they both decided to bring that particular fact to the grave.

"Alright. The last couple to perform will be Quinn and Rachel. The floor is yours." Will said going back to sit.

Nodding, the girls stood up going to position themselves beside today's band. Glancing at them Quinn recognized them as being fellow students. She was curious on just why they were playing for them when Glee was still seen as a losers' club. Having talked to Brad before, she knew he was a professional chosen by Mister Shue by hired directly by school. It was one of the man's few decisions she approved wholeheartedly of. But the bands weren't professional nor she thought were they paid, since Quinn had heard more than once Shue complain about Glee budget. And if they hadn't the money to travel to competition she sure as hell hoped he didn't spend any on live music when recordings would do as well.

Hearing her cue Quinn relegated this line of thought for another time, sooner a or later she would just ask Mr Shue about it. When the instrumental part of the song started she stepped closer to Rachel until she was almost brushing against her just like in the original choreography.

_Just another one champion sound_

_Me and Estelle about to get down _

_Who the hottest in the world right now _

_Just touched down in London town _

_Bet they give me a pound _

_Tell them put the money in my hand right now _

_Tell the promoter we need more seats _

_We just sold out all the floor seats _

Quinn rapped smiling to Rachel. She had enjoyed working with Rachel on this duet much more that she had hoped to, especially after their first night. Yeah, when they had been paired up Quinn had thought it would be a disaster at best and a strange form of torture at worst, but a girl could be wrong, couldn't she? And she hadn't ever been happier to be wrong in her life.

Apparently this new approach of just trying to be happy, and spending time with Rachel made her happy, worked out for her. It had been years Quinn hadn't had a week so wonderful and enjoyable.

Rachel smiled back at the blonde as, like in the original song, she lead the chorus with Quinn easily harmonizing with her.

_Take me on a trip I'd like to go some day _

_Take me to New York I'd love to see LA_

_I really want to_

_come kick it with you _

_You'll be my american boy_

It took Rachel every time by surprise just how effortless was singing with Quinn. There was a smoothness to their duets that Rachel had always had to work hard to reach with others, especially with Finn. It made singing with Quinn fun and _right_.

And from the sparkling in the hazel eyes it was clear that Quinn was having fun too. It let Rachel gather the courage to do something she had been thinking about doing all week but until today she had been unsure if it was the right thing to do.

_He said Hey sister _

_It's really really nice to meet ya _

_I just met this 5 foot 7 guys who's just my type _

_I like the way he's speaking _

_His confidence is peaking _

_Don't like his baggy jeans but I like what's underneath it_

At this line Rachel let her gaze wander meaningfully over Quinn's body, clad in the same baggy pants she had used for the Empire State of Mind performance. The boys whistled and the girls cheered at the display, enjoying the girls' choice of performing the song in a rather spicy way.

Santana saw something more in it behind Rachel's gaze. Knowing what she knew about the girls' past it was pretty obvious there was a lot going underneath the surface. For instance the slightly surprised but shyly pleased look that flashed on Quinn's face told the Latina this wasn't the way they had practiced the song. And she knew Rachel enough to know the brunette didn't like to improvise if she didn't need to.

The conclusion was pretty obvious. Rachel was letting Quinn know she was interested.

Santana narrowed her eyes, she didn't know if she liked it or not but the small smile that was playing on the corner of Quinn's lips made clear her friend was aboard with it, at least somewhat. _"At least the hobbit is getting subtler about serenading her love interest, kinda."_ She thought looking around the room, seeing that nobody had caught Rachel's declaration of interest in Quinn.

_And no I ain't been to MIA I heard that Cali never rains and New York heart awaits_

For Quinn it was easy to see the serious look in Rachel's eyes, the slightly emphasis she put on the last words. It made her heart beat faster.

_First let's see the west end I'll show you to my bridrens_

_I'm like this american boy _

_American boy  
><em> 

The rest of the glee club joined to the chorus and began to dance in their chairs. Whatever else it meant for the two of them, Rachel's was a really, really good performance. She felt the song and it showed in the emotions behind her voice.

The brunette took a breath before singing the chorus again, her gaze still locked in Quinn's.

_Take me on a trip I'd like to go some day _

_Take me to New York I'd love to see LA_

Rachel sang those lines like she really wanted to see the world with Quinn at her side. Not knowing how much Rachel was just playing a role and how much she really meant the blonde raised an eyebrow in question. As answer Rachel just nodded, making a little cross on her heart.

_I really want to_

_come kick it with you _

_You'll be my american boy_

Seeing Quinn shift her gaze from her own for a moment, a sure sign she had reached limit in dealing with deep emotions, Rachel decided to lighten the tension. The last thing she wanted was to scare the other girl away pushing too fast.

_Can we get away this weekend? Take me to Broadway _

Rachel winked playfully at Quinn, who just smiled and rolled her eyes, before stepping close to the brunette to dance teasingly against her. The blonde, her eyes half closed, just enjoined the feeling of being there with Rachel, of being in synch with her.

_Let's go shopping baby, then we'll go to a Café _

_Let's go on the subway, take me to your hood_

_I neva been to Brooklyn and I'd like to see what's good _

By this time everyone was out of their chair, dancing and singing along the chorus. Santana too joined the others dragged by Brittany. Before losing herself in the music the Latina made a mental note to keep a close eye on Rachel and her friend and see how things evolved.

Rachel sang the closing verse beautifully, the look in her brown eyes making clear to Quinn she was singing to her.

_Would you be my love, my love. _

_Could be mine would you be my love my love, could be mine _

_Could you be my love, my love. _

_Would you be my American Boy? American Boy._

"That was fantastic girls." Will complimented, breaking the girls gaze.

"Thanks Mr Shue." Rachel replied beaming a fake, show, smile. Sure, she liked to be appreciated, but right now she was much more focused on Quinn and her reaction to the song than anything else. She needed to know if Quinn was ready to give them another shot and built afuture together.

"Every time you duet together you surprise me." Mr Shue said walking to them. "I mean I always fear Quinn's tremulous voice will be drowned out by yours, Rachel, but in the end it always comes out right."

"Gee, thanks." Quinn said in her driest tone, rolling her eyes. But she was kind of glad of his untimely interruption. Rachel had surprised her with the song and she didn't know quite how to answer her.

Will didn't seem to get Quinn's sarcasm, going on blithely, "Why don't the two of them do our duet at nationals?" He enthused.

"You serious?" Quinn asked arching her eyebrow, disbelieving. Mr Shue had just insulted her voice and now he wanted her to be one of the leads at Nationals? Sometimes Quinn wondered if the man had a screw loose somewhere. Other times she was sure of it. And considering just how deranged Sue was, and how eccentric Miss Pillsbury was, one had to wonder about the standards of McKinley's teaching staff.

"Why shouldn't I?" He asked oblivious. "It's a fantastic idea, isn't it?"

"You do realize that most duet songs are written for a male and a female voice, do you?" Quinn pointed out, meaningfully arching her eyebrow.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem." Rachel cut in, surprising Quinn who turned to face her with her still arched eyebrow pointed at her now.

"I'm not exactly your average male lead Rachel." She challenged, knowing the brunette always tried to get Shue to choose powerful, well-known songs for competition because that was what the judges liked to see performing. And with her not exactly powerful voice and their being both women Rachel had to know that most, if not all, of the more famous duets would be out.

"Good because I have never settled for average." Rachel said looking straight at her, she too challenging. They weren't talking only about the duet anymore.

"Are you sure Rachel?"

"I'm sure Quinn. I want to do this." The brunette replied quite determined.

"Very well." The blonde agreed, nodding, before turning to face their teacher. "We'll do the duet Mr Shue."

"Perfect." The man approved.

"So it'll end once again with Rachel doing the solo and the duet." Mercedes said bitterly brusquely reminding Quinn that there were other people on the room beside them. Apparently Rachel simple presence had started once more to make her forget whatever else was going around. "Another Rachel Berry's show."

"I gave space to others at sectionals." Will pointed out, frowning at the accusation.

"Not everybody got the chance to sing at sectionals." Kurt reminded him.

Will was caught flat footed by that.

"If you let Quinn and me sing the duet, and choose the song to perform, I'll waive any claim to the solo." Rachel proposed, not wanting to risk losing the chance to duet with Quinn, and quite incidentally spend more time with her. Rachel noticed how shocked Quinn looked, but didn't say anything. Rachel had finally got her priorities straight and the chances of singing a solo didn't rate even close to spend time with the blonde.

"Everybody alright with this?" Shue asked, relieved, and a bit startled, that Rachel had stepped in with a compromise solution. Maybe the small girl was really starting to get that there was no I in a team.

"It seems fair." Mercedes said after exchanging a glance with Kurt, who nodded his agreement. The others didn't seem particularly invested in the question but everybody nodded or just shrugged.

"Good. Then the duet it's yours girls. Let me know what song you'll perform."

Once the crisis had been solved, Mr Shue had decided to do a brainstorming session for ideas on their group number. Not surprisingly it had ended without anything significant being decided, largely due to the fact it was Friday and just about everybody wanted to go home and start the weekend. It had took almost twenty minutes before Mr Shue admitted defeat and wrapped up Glee rehearsal, adjourning the discussion to the next week.

Before leavening the school Quinn had gone to change back in her Cheerios uniform mindful of Coach Sylvester's dress code policy. Something that went like _"if I see you wearing plain clothes on school grounds we'll see if suicides were called so because people run them until they died or suicide to make them end."_ She had took her time trying to wrap her mind around what had happened at Glee, so it surprised her to see the brunette still at her locker as she was making her way to the parking lot. Quinn made her way to the smaller girl, not resisting the sudden impulse to just talk once more to Rachel before saying goodbye for the weekend.

She had come just about her side when Rachel startled, practically jumping out of her skin. It would be a normal reaction to having someone surprise you if not for the fear that flashed on Rachel's face when she caught sight of the Cheerios' uniform. It was gone a moment later replaced with a small smile. "Hello Quinn."

"I was really a bitch, wasn't I?" Quinn asked in her soft voice, knowing what had brought forth Rachel's reaction. She had never spent much time thinking how bad Rachel would feel being bullied in high school after having experienced it already in middle high. At first seeing Rachel being as miserable as she felt had made her feel better, after all misery loves company. Quinn supposed it made her a petty and pretty shallow person, it definitely made her a vindictive bitch.

It hadn't been until the pregnancy, when she had been bullied again, that Quinn had asked herself if she hadn't gone overboard with her revenge, and even then she hadn't spent much time thinking about it. Too many things were happening at the time and she had been hanging on by sheer will without trying to sort through matters that weren't of immediate concern. And after, well after, she had somewhat changed her behavior in regard of Rachel and buried whatever self doubt she had felt in a dark corner of her mind.

Rachel regarded the blonde for a long moment, not knowing what to say, before answering, choosing her words carefully. This was an important talk and there was much that rode on it going right. She hadn't wanted to talk about this today but Quinn had broached the topic first and it wasn't something they could just sweep under a rug and forget. "If it makes you feel better you weren't the only one or even the worst one." And Quinn hadn't been. Before joining Glee club the blonde had for the most part ignored her but for an handful of run-ins that hadn't really stood out from the rest of the bullying Rachel had endured freshman year. She had insulted her several times and cut her at knees with her sharp tongue but Quinn had never sought her out specifically to make her life miserable. After the blonde had joined New Directions, and their interactions had become practically daily, things had run hot and cold between them.

Knowing she hadn't been the only one to bully Rachel did make Quinn feel worse actually, but she didn't say anything, waiting for the brunette to go on.

"You know what hurts the most now that I know the truth? It isn't the time you slushied me or the times when you verbally put me down. The first was more of a fluke than anything else and the second, well in a way I had done it to you first, so yours was just a retaliation of sorts. Probably I even deserved it to some extent. I can accept that." Rachel looked up in those hazel eyes with tears in her own. "What really hurts was seeing you laughing after I was slushied by some jock or another." Rachel took a shuddering breath. "That was just plain cruel Quinn."

"I wish I could tell you why I did it, but the truth is I just don't know. But Rachel, I swear to you I never found it funny." Quinn fumbled to find words to explain something she had never quite grasped herself, forcing herself to held Rachel's gaze, when she wanted so badly just look away. "It doesn't make any sense but it's the truth. God I don't know, maybe I'm just messed up in the head. More than I already knew, I mean." She added with a self-deprecating smile that the brunette didn't return. "I'm just sorry Rachel, and not only for that."

Rachel nodded, believing her, accepting that there was no malicious intent behind that laugh. "I don't want to dwell in the past, Quinn." She said softly, after a moment of silence, still choosing her words with the upmost attention. She hadn't broached this topic to fight with Quinn, she had just needed to know why the blonde had done what she had done to close that chapter in her life once and for all. Because they had talked about their past several times but, aside prom night, they had never spoke about what had happened freshman and sophomore year. "I'm much more interested in the future." She said, willing Quinn to understand what she meant. "I made mistakes. You made mistakes. There were outside circumstances neither of us could control that played a role in how we acted. We both regret our mistakes more than we can say. _I _sure do more than I can say." Rachel stressed.

"And now that we know this, that we know how and why it happened, we can go round and round talking about it until the end of time and still get to nothing, Quinn." Those last weeks had been a frustrating going back and forth and for every step forward they had made they had took three back. And Rachel knew this dance had been her fault as much as Quinn's fault. It seemed that every time one of them wanted to take a step forward, to forgive the past to try and built a future, the other seemed unwilling to let the past up. She was tired of it and after the week they had spent together, Rachel was pretty sure Quinn too was ready to stop this game they were playing. "Nothing that will really mean anything in the long run anyway. And sooner or later we will just have to decide if we can and want to move forward from the past or not." Rachel shrugged just a bit and turned to grab the last of books she needed for the weekend and close her locker before facing her ex girlfriend again. It surprised her finding Quinn giving her a fond half-smile that reached the warm hazel eyes. The words that followed surprised her even more.

"Or maybe we could just forgive each other and be done with it."

Rachel blinked, for a moment not sure she had heard the blonde right. Then seeing Quinn waiting patiently for her answer she smiled, no, beamed at the taller girl. "Maybe I already did."

"Maybe we both did." Quinn teased back, now grinning openly, feeling a weight she didn't know she had lift from her shoulders at Rachel's quick agreement at her impulsive suggestion. "So, now we can just move on, right?"

"I would really like that." Rachel admitted with a smile, shouldering her school bag, ready to go home.

"Me too." Quinn agreed, holding her hand out to the brunette, reaching out to her. "So, walk with me to the cars?"

"Sure." Rachel replied interlocking their fingers.

They walked in silence, their shoulders barely brushing until they reached Quinn's red car, exchanging shy, pleased, glances along the way.

"So, I was thinking about starting again my outdoor training." Rachel said coming to a stop, not letting go Quinn's fingers. "The weather is pretty much ideal this time of the year for outdoor practice and I really need to exercise my voice before nationals." Suddenly realizing she was nervously playing with Quinn's fingers Rachel let them go, taking a step back, shooting an apologetic grin to the blonde for her forwardness. "And I miss it." She added not talking about the alleged voice practice at all.

"Tomorrow morning I have Cheerios practice from seven to nine," seeing Rachel's face starting to fall, Quinn quickly went on. "but a walk around the park after that isn't a bad idea. It would do my legs good. To avoid cramps, you know?"

"Yeah?" Rachel asked smiling, happy that the blonde was playing along with the feeble excuse.

"Yeah." Quinn grinned back before opening her car's door and getting in. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Rachel agreed. She watched Quinn start the car and leave the parking lot with a smile on her face, today had gone much better that she had hoped for.

xxx

Saturday's dinner at Pierce's home had been a weekly tradition since Brittany and Santana had started middle high, just like Sunday's dinner at Lopez's was. Even when the girls had started high school and weekend parties or dates had became more and more frequent neither of them had so much thought as skipping either dinner. If there was a party on Saturday night they simply went after having eaten and spent time with the family, and if they wanted to have a sleep over with Quinn they would organize it at the Pierce's home.

So to say Santana felt at ease at Brittany's home was an understatement of epic proportions. She had practically grown up with them and loved the Pierce's like her own family. Her love was completely returned, more than once Brittany's parents had referred to her as another daughter.

This made Susan Pierce all the more suspicious about the girl's strange nervousness at tonight's dinner.

When Susan had asked with just a glance why Santana was so out of sort, Brittany had simply shrugged, her own puzzlement clear. It hadn't been only one thing that had tipped Susan off. Santana hadn't met her gaze once since stepping a foot in the house; she had already dropped her fork three times, blushing and muttering sorry every time she struggled to pick it up. All behaviors very much not Santana's like.

"Are you alright dear?" Brittany's mother asked at least, trying to find out just why Santana was so nervous and jumpy.

"Yes."

The quick, rushed really, answer did all but reassure Susan of the truth of it. She let it go, but after several minutes of just watching the brunette play with the food on her plate she decided to prod a bit. "You know you can tell us anything don't you?"

"Sure." Santana mumbled out, thinking at just how well her own grandmother had took the news. Her beloved abuela had told her she didn't want to see her never again. After that Santana had asked Brittany to be the one to tell her parents. Brittany had looked puzzled by the request but had agreed.

The brunette had been relieved. Santana didn't want her girlfriend be alone if her parents took the news bad like she had been with her abuela. The only thing that made Santana want to go on and tell Susan and Mike about Brittany and her was the fact her own parents had been fantastic about the news. Santana had told them just before prom and they had simply hugged her and asked her to bring Brittany around to get ready for the prom so that they could take their photos as tradition. Santana loved them all the more for it.

"That didn't sound very believable Santana." Mike Pierce said from the far head of the table, frowning just a bit. He too was concerned about the brunette. This evening the girl fidgeted, stammered and generally seemed ill at ease.

"Are you sure there is nothing that would make you turn your back to Britt?" Santana asked point blank looking from one to another, lacing her fingers with Brittany's to shore up her courage. She knew she was grasping for a reassurance before telling them but she couldn't quite help it.

"There is nothing you can say that can shock or dismay us child." Susan said quite sternly, getting really worried now. It wasn't Santana's like to beat around the bush. "So, whatever it is, just spit it out."

"Britt and I are in a relationship." Santana blurted out. She closed her eyes, trembling from the fear they would ask her to get up and never come back or worse.

There was a long silence before Susan broke it. "Haven't you been for years?"

Seeing badass, hard as nails, Santana choke on her own spit was pretty amusing, Susan decided. "What?!"

"Well, _there_ _is_ a reason because every time we step in the house we call out, you know?" Mike informed her helpfully. "We really didn't walk in in anything embarrassing for all of us."

"You never told us anything!" Santana almost screeched, still stunned. She felt the blood rush to her face and knew she was blushing fiercely.

"What should I have said?" Mike explained with a shrug. "Girls, I know you are together because I caught you making out topless on the couch when I got home earlier than scheduled?" He paused shivering remembering that late afternoon when he had made the earliest flight to get home from a work trip out town. "And just to be perfectly clear." He looked straight at them after clearing his throat. "And as far I am concerned making out is as far as you ever have gone and ever will go."

"Of course dad." Brittany agreed humoring him, since Santana was apparently speechless.

"You picked her up for Prom and brought her corsage, Santana." Susan added trying to slightly change topic. As funny as seeing Santana blush that shade of red, lobsters would be envious of that color, she really didn't want the image of her little girls having sex in her mind. After Mike had told her what he had seen, she had been very careful to never walk in on them, always making as much rumor as possible whenever she got home. It had happened anyway, but lucky her she had only caught them kissing and cuddling. She could live with that. "And you drive her to school and back every day. Did you really think we wouldn't add two and two and get four?"

"Yeah?" Came Santana's strangled reply but the she was beginning to calm down. Now if only her ears would stop burning almost painfully everything would be perfect.

"Really?" Susan rolled her eyes. "You have been in love, and been quite obvious about it, for years. We are only glad you feel comfortable enough to tell us." Susan added. "So, who wants dessert?" She asked like she did every Saturday when everybody had ate up the second course.

xxx

Rachel walked in the studio for her lesson with Elizabeth Winthrop perfectly on time but feeling pretty apprehensive. It would be her third lesson with the woman but Rachel couldn't quite shake her fear it would be the last.

It was the first time they would see each other after the blonde woman had learned that she was _Lucy's Rachel_. And the way Elizabeth had looked at her after finding out, a mixture of curiosity and censure, had told Rachel that she knew about what happened three years ago.

What Rachel didn't know was how much the woman knew about that or what her reaction would be.

When Elizabeth didn't cancel the lesson outright, Rachel had felt her anxiousness lessen, even if only a little. It had been enough that now she was about to enter in the little studio she didn't feel like throwing up from nerves.

Her mind had had fun conjuring apocalyptic scenarios when she had realized the connection between Quinn and Elizabeth. The thought that the same mistake that had cost her Quinn years ago could now cost her the best teacher she could learn from in Lima had formed pretty fast in her mind. Rachel knew it was a unfounded fear but no matter how much she knew it was irrational and pessimistic the brunette hadn't quite managed to quell it.

So, even if she had tried hard to rationalize it all away, the first words that came out once she had walked through the door were, "I'm still your student?"

"Why shouldn't you?" Elizabeth's tone was puzzled, the woman obviously startled by her question if her cocked head and arched eyebrow was anything to go by.

"You know Quinn and care for her. And you know I broke her heart." Rachel quickly laid out, for once going straight to the point. "You know _how_ I broke it."

"I don't really know what happened between you." Elizabeth said sitting down in one of the chairs scattered around the room, her hand motioning to Rachel to do the same. "All Quinn ever told me was that you broke up with her."

"She never…" Rachel started before stopping not quite sure of what to say.

"No." Elizabeth confirmed. "Why did you?" Because it really made no sense to the blonde woman seeing how much Rachel still cared for Quinn. Just about every single of hers actions in the choir room days ago screamed it.

"I made an horrible mistake." The arched eyebrow now was familiar to Rachel, almost reassuring. Even if it meant Elizabeth was waiting for her to elaborate before deciding if she needed to get angry or not. Quinn had an expression just like that. IT was almost scary how much they resembled each other. "I'm a very intense, determined, driven, person, you know?" Rachel asked, apparently changing topic.

"I suspected." Elizabeth said with a wry smile. "Not many people come to me saying they will be Broadway next big star." _"Nor they have the talent to actually make it." _She added to herself.

"Yes, Broadway is my big dream." Rachel agreed with a beaming smile that made Elizabeth smile back. The girl's enthusiasm was that infectious. Then the brunette got serious, "The only problem is that sometime I get too focused, so much so I lose sight of everything else but my objective. I get lost in it for a lack of better explanation. I'm the kind of person that goes all out or not at all." Rachel added with her own wry smile. "It's just the way I am."

"I hate tell you this, but it's pretty obvious." It was probably the first thing Elizabeth had noticed about Rachel's personality.

"It is, isn't it?" Rachel sounded almost wistful. "I'm very much like my daddy that way. We are very methodical, we like set routines. We are perfectionist. There is a technical, psychological, term to describe this: obsessive tendencies. Last year I saw a psychologist for some time to learn how to manage them." Rachel explained, sounding much more mature than a sixteen year old. "Like many, let's call them, personality traits, it makes some things difficult."

"Such as?" Elizabeth asked curious.

"People like me find difficult to understand that there can be a middle ground between right and wrong. That not everything has to be perfect to be good enough. We think in absolute terms. We see in black or white: you make it or not; you are invested in something it or not; something is permitted or not."

"I get it."

"Good. I'm not trying to be difficult or changing topic. Just please bear with me, it's a bit of a complex thing to explain." Rachel explained. "When I started studying with Miss Ferguson she told me something: _music is the greatest love of the life of every professional singer. The only one._" She recited verbatim. The sentence had made a lasting impression in her. It had been the very first day, and this imposing, severe woman whom towered over her and had the most beautiful voice Rachel had ever heard live, had told her these words, looking straight in her eyes, their importance so clear even to a nine years old child.

"It's something pretty common to say. My own teacher liked to say one has to live music, to breath it, to dream it to make it big at Broadway." Elizabeth recalled fondly.

"Exactly." Rachel chuckled ruefully, shaking her head a little. "It's a perfectly normal thing to say to motivate your students. The problem is I got fixated on the _only one_ part. It suited my personality, you see." From Elizabeth's surprised look she was beginning to get it. "I was comfortable with the idea that there could be only one true love in one's life, it made being friendless less a burden." Rachel admitted with a shrug. "I was so sure my only love was music. And then I met Lucy. She made me happy in a way music never did. And I loved her."

Rachel took a deep breath and started again after a moment of silence, the words beginning to get just a bit rushed, like she wanted to end this story as soon as possible. "I cut back the hours I spent practicing to spend time with Lucy or thinking about her. I was always distracted, even if I didn't even realize it then, I mean I was what thirteen and falling in love. I lost my usual focus while singing so I began to make stupid mistakes." Rachel told obviously lost in her memories. "One day, after a really bad lesson, Miss Ferguson told me I had to focus once again or my dreams would never become reality. That she wasn't one to lose time teaching to someone who didn't give it all." There was another pause as Rachel was searching for the right words to explain what that words had meant to her. "In my mind it come down to choosing between music or Lucy." It was easy for Elizabeth to see that Rachel was telling her the truth. The girl seemed torn about it even now. "Something I had dreamed since I was three or the girl that in less than six months had made my life perfect."

"As you can guess I choose music." When Rachel went on she wasn't looking at her anymore, her gaze far away, but Elizabeth saw the tears gathered in the brown eyes. "I went to Quinn and broke up with her, telling her she just wasn't good enough. It took me a pretty long time, and my psychologist's help, to understand that I said that because I didn't feel good enough and took it out on her." The girl fell quiet for a long moment after that, her gaze now locked on her hands. "I still struggle with it you know?"

"Struggle with what, Rachel?" Elizabeth prodded feeling there was much behind the girl's non sequitur.

"To believe that my Broadway dream isn't the only thing that matter in my life. That I don't have to always put my Broadway dream first. I still have many problems to really believe that, to deal in a healthy way with my Broadway dream."

"Rachel look at me." Elizabeth asked kindly, gently guiding the brunette's chin up when she didn't lift it on her own. "It hasn't to be that way."

"It hasn't?" Rachel asked almost bitterly. "You told yourself your teacher told you: one has to live music, to breath it, to dream it to make it big at Broadway."

"You are twisting my words Rachel and you know it." Elizabeth gently rebuked her. "Look at me. I'm the living proof of that alright? I fell madly in love and married the man I'm still with today, just out of high school. And I got to perform on Broadway and the Metropolitan. I became a successful singer. You can have both. Got it?"

"Got it." The brunette said, nodding a bit hesitantly.

Elizabeth regarded her critically, studying her for a long moment. "I don't think you really get it yet, but I'll help you get there, ok?" It was clear she had startled the girl and it was as clear that Rachel had had all the emotional conversations she could deal with for the day. "Now, let's get to work, you have much to learn before being ready for Broadway."


End file.
